A Parting Quip

'Why can't you just be normal?' my fourth wife once bitterly threw at me after she had abandoned me and her family with our small son in tow. It was one of the last things she said to me before becoming an active, public opponent trying to destroy us for a number of years.

Changing Normalcy

What she had meant by that quip was, 'Why can't you be like the average secular Pole and do what men and women do in Catholic Poland?' Not that she had ever been a Catholic and was in any case now an atheist (though I suspect deep down hoped there was a God). After she left us, she fully embraced the secular culture, lock, stock and barrel, as they say - basically she tried to imitate the most common behaviour expected in society at large. That was now 'normality' for her. Not that in saying this she meant to come back or that she was interested in what I thought any longer.

Intellectual Christianity Isn't Enough

It is frightening to witness a person completely change. Mind you, the signs had been there early on. A fellow minister and a close family friend, who knew her personally as well as her apologetic writings, had once confided in me that he didn't think she had ever been born-again. I did not want to believe him yet the signs were there that maybe she wasn't a bona fide Christian but merely doing her best to act out the rôle much as a gnostic might. It's not at all unusual. Her family was very eclectic with a belief system consisting of a hodgepodge of ideas, many of which were heterogenous, again very 'gnostic' in approach to religion. Though we had many discussions about the New Birth I don't think it ever got beyond a mental ideal. First her prayer life went - she had said she didn't need it, that her life spoke of who she was. Towards the end, my sixth wife, whom she was close to and spent much time together with, had warned me that she was flirting with men online.

From Friendships to Flirting

These flirtations had begun as 'friendships' initially arising out of ministry, as they so often do, as Kasia was good at talking with people. Her mistake was not always involving me. By her own admission, vanity was an issue she had as she was pretty and enjoyed the 'goddess treatment' often given to her by unbelievers. I travelled a great deal in those days, never a good thing when you have a large plural family, but this was necessary to make ends meet. One of her friends from the Netherlands, it turned out, and unbeknown to her, was a satanist whom the Enemy had sent to trap her. Had she been born-again she would have sensed something did not 'sit well' with her spirit but there had been no reaction. Had God not shown me in a vision what was going on, giving explicit details of what he up to, I would never have known.

Satanist Attempts to Break Up the Family

One of the things I was shown was that he was carving a wooden box which was somehow full of demons. When I shared with her what I had seen, she confessed, because every detail had been right (she had many witnesses of my gifting) - he was indeed making her a box which, had she received it and made physical contact with it, would have resulted in a stream of demons entering her body. We knew of such things from our ministry in Africa where witchdoctory is prevalent. Anyway, she did the right thing and ended the friendship, mostly out of fear. On another occasion she was offered a well paying job in Oborniki half way across the country for which she wasn't remotely skilled enough to do which immediately set off alarms in me. It was, of course, a trap, but she was flattered and wanted the job badly. He too was a satanist. The Enemy tried everything to separate us.

Taking Ever Larger Risks

It is so easy to lose ones sense of proportion. Another friend of hers, a professional and also a Pole, had made it clear that he was 'interested' in her but she was convinced she could handle him and that it was worth taking the risk to witness. When I was away, and without my knowledge, she traveled to Królewska Huta in the south to meet and have lunch with him. The other wives were appalled at her foolishness and informed me. My insistence the relationship be broken off immediately was met with some resistance this time, interpreted by her as a lack of good faith on my part, a tell-take sign the man was beginning to get a hold on her, as he was, because she was flattered by the attention. She yielded, reluctantly, but for the last time. Clearly my friend had been right.

Worldly Normalcy is Bohemian

'Normality' in this secular world is having multiple intimate relationships before 'settling down' and 'marrying'. This is what she clearly now wanted as her faith crumbled and after leaving home for the last time she indulged that ungoly desire. The rest is painful history and not revelant to what I want to share.

The Odds are Heavily Stacked Against the Patriarchal Christian

Living plural marriage in a secular, so-called 'free-love' and feministic 1,500 year-old monogamy-only (for those who do marry) culture is not only 'not normal' but regarded by the latter in particular as 'perverse'. Ironic, really, given how secularists behave in the sexual arena. As I have written extensively about the subject on this website many times, there is not only little in the way for support from anyone for those living our way of life but open hostility, as it is elsewhere in Europe. That is hard. Very hard. And without Yahweh as your life and joy, it is almost impossible to survive unless your faith is very deep.

Between Religion and Atheism: Doublemindedness

A quarter of a century later since these events took place and nobody much cares how you live anymore. And yet unconsciously many still do, if only because the crowd doesn't like that you're 'different' and not in their orbit. We live now in a group-think world. Major swings between religious loyalties and atheism typically go through a double-minded stage both in the individual and natitionally. Culture takes time to change. Though today you can sleep around, have polyamorous relationships, get into 'swinging' and even the BDSM scene, doing pratically whatever you want, and encouraged by the then communist régime in order to destroy the institution of marriage, a cherished goal of Marxism, deep down a millennium of monogamy-only Catholicism (in the case of Poland) is not easily erased.

The Protestant Lands in the Communist Block

This was true in our neighbour, deeply conservative Protestant East Germany too which, aside from Estonia and Latvia, was the only Lutheran territory that fell under Stalin's control after the last World War. So the communist régimes had to tread carefully in order to win over the hearts of the people. Though Poland largely clung on to her Catholicism through the dark days of communism, religion in East Germany, like the Czech Republic (Catholic) and Estonia (Protestant), suffered badly from those days of forced atheism. Those three nations are the only majority atheist countries in Europe now. Even Russia, where my fourth came from, after its longer experiment with official atheism, swung back and re-enbraced its Orthodox faith.

Nobody Much Cares About Alternative Lifestyles Anymore

People are accustomed to living double-standards, expecting one thing of others and yet demanding 'freedom' for themselves. Look at our politicians and all the affairs they have. In my youth, this was scandalous, even in communist Poland. It took a generation to start getting Christianity out of the culture, so the communists knew they had to tread carefully especially in a time of mass communications. Today nobody cares. Politicians have affairs, divorce, have mistresses and lovers, some even have same-sex and transsexual partners (though they still try to keep these secret as a majory everywhere still opposes these things in public office), and few care anymore except the minority Christians and conservative secularists.

Cancelled by Catholic Society

Indeed, those living plural marriage, if they keep their heads low, are largely ignored. Everyone in our semi-rural borough of Głusk by now knows who we are and how we live because we have been there for so long. Today most are affable, but the gossip is still rife (though more subdued), and nobody befriends us. That's hard, very hard. That would also have been true, mind you, had we just been monogamous non-Catholic Christians, as Protestants are regarded as heretics in what is still a very catholophilic society both religiously and culturally. I suppose we should be grateful that open hostility is no longer shown us in 2025 but being 'cancelled' like that was at first very painful, and espcially hard on my fourth who was very gregarious. But some of us better adjust to reality given time. There have been those here in other parts of Poland who accept us as we are and have become our friends but they're been more into alternative, New Age-like lifestyles, leaving us with little in common. Ironic -- and yet the ones who treat us the worst aren't, moreover, the Catholics, but those of the fellow Protestant minority who themselves want to be accepted in a Catholic society and to 'behave' as best they can. They have totally shunned us, and even attacked us. That hurts too yet it was predictable. Though we could have moved, as we did when we came to Lublin from Białystok, moving a large family is expensive and complicated. We many times even considered leaving Poland. Only in the last four or five years have a handfull of locals even started talking to us as our children have grown up and become known in the workplace.

When Minorities Try to Thrive With Intact Reputations

Some of our Protestant acquaintances online are now curious, though, wanting to know why we have so adamantly held on to our beliefs and way of life using the Bible as justification. Some of these know the Bible allows, countenances and protects this form of marriage, and they are curious, but don't dare speak out because they themselves are trying to thrive as a minority too, to "have a good reputation with outsiders" as the Bible commands (1 Tim.3:7). We have known for a long time that fellow Protestants won't fellowship with us until real persecution starts when all sorts of believers are necessarily thrown together for mutual support. It happened in communist Romania where even those from the cults (Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses) were 'accepted' by Eastern Orthodox and Protestant believers as a matter of survival. And as they got to know each other, better understandings resulted. Today, in post-communist, liberal Romania, they have gone their separate ways again but at least they are now treated as fellow human beings who suffered together with them, often in prison, at least in the cities. Sadly, the next generation will forget as new generations do. Rural areas especially tend to be more conservative and cliquey because people are better known to one another.

How Plural Marriage is Viewed by Modern Christians

But I diverge. Today I wanted to write to you about what 'normalcy' is and isn't. My fourth wanted us to be (at first) normal Catholics and then normal secularists. You see, what was normal in biblical times has today in modern society become totally 'abnormal', even regarded as 'evil'. The UN still wants to stamp polygamy out and if it ever gets more political muscle will certainly do its best. Most Christians either skirt around the subject of the polygyny of the Bible or attack it viciously, viewing it as a mistaken relic of the past that we've all grown out of in European civilisation. Ironically, as I have already pointed out, as the culture drifts away from Christianity more and more in the postmodernist direction, Christians can't afford to be as picky as once they were. Denominational barriers are breaking down, even in the Catholic Church following the election of the current liberal (though now dying) pope from Argentina (something that's never happened before), those of different traditions (now called 'separated brethren') who one were at emnity with one another, are now forced to 'make peace' and seek for common interests. This has been both for good and bad, I have to say, for Christianity itself is getting more and more watered down without most conservatives and fundamentalist Protestant believers even always being aware of the trend.

The Situation in Kenya

As you know, we, as a family, have long been very active in evangelism work in Kenya, East Africa, over the years. Now plural marriage is legal there, you might be tempted to think that this would make things much easier for Europeans in residence in that country. Not so. Only now other prejudices enter the picture. Rural Kenya is still largely accepting of polygyny, but urban Kenya, which is increasingly seculularised and under strong Western influence, is not, particularly in the capital, Nairobi, and in other large cities like Mombasa though there, because of the large Muslim population, their form of polygamy flourishes. Plural marriage has, of course, been accepted in Africa for millennia so even in countries where it is officially banned, it continues to be practiced semi-openly and nobody does anything about it. In others, like South Africa, it is limited to certain tribal groups only, as in India where only Muslims may practice it (but not Hindua, Buddhists, Sikhs or Christians). The idea that a mzungu (a white-man in Swahili) would want to practice it, is not looked upon favourably as it is not regarded as part of his culture, and he is still looked down upon as a former colonial master opposed to African ways. You have to be black and belong to an African tribe that practices polygyny to be regarded as bona fide. These days things are still 'right' or 'wrong' based on your tribal tradition, a reason why plans we once had to relocate to Kenya never got very far.

Kenyan attitudes to polygyny are mostly tribal

Multiculturalism and Plural Marriage

We have white European friends who have married black Africans and brought them back to Europe where in one or two cases, in the more liberal nations, they have been reluctantly accepted because of the multicultural indoctrination of the public. In one case, in Scandinavia, a Swede was legally married to two Kenyan women because that was their 'culture' and the Swedes didn't want to offend the culture. It was widely publicised. This was back in the 1970's or 80's. But they is a sole example as feminists secretly disapproved and friends in Scandinavia tell me that they know of no other examples. I expect they allowed this one exception to 'demonstrate' how liberal they were, when multiculturalism as an ideal was still a novel idea, though deep down they wanted no more recognition of polygamous unions to be made. I suspect this was just a gimmick for propaganda with other lifestyles, though biblically deviant, being more paraded.

The Social Effect of Mass Migration

Since the recent wave of mass immigration, no such public recognition has been extended to polygamists from Muslim countries though the authorities tend to turn a blind eye, and even support polygamous families economically sometimes, partly out of fear of being branded 'Islamophobes' if they don't as that community grows and gains in political power. But in Poland there are very tough immigration laws in defiance of the EU which means there are very few Muslims in the country. Others practicing polygyny have lived inconspicuously but like my fourth have been lured into secularism.

Why There is Such a High Failure Rate

So the social scene is complicated. People have such mixed motives and their Christian faith does not often run that deep here anyway. It takes deep conviction and courage to live the polygynous way. A high failure rate is therefore not only to be expected but typical, and not just in Catholic Poland. And even though the way of life is typically blamed for its struggles, it is in reality human nature that is the problem and the lack of broad cultural acceptance.

When Truth is 'Democratically' Decided

In society what's 'right' or 'wrong' is democratically determined by the majority or, if the majority is living under a dictatorship, by what the government imposes, which creates a kind of social schizophrenia. Absolute truth is no longer accepted. Truth is all relative for moderns and postmoderns nowadays.

The 'High Failure Rate' Criticism Examined

The 'how can plural marriage be right if you have had so many wives leave you' argument has often been thrown at me by monogamy-only Christians trying to sound pious. They never, of course, consider the counter-argument that the parallel failue of monogamous marriage in the West has, in some countries, an over 50 per cent divorce rate, and still climbing, and the argument might legitimately be used against them by those who are against marriage altogether like the radical Marxists and liberals (and many increasingly are) to criticise Christian monogamy! And remember, the failure rate of plural marriages in African countries like Kenya is negligible simply because it is more accepted and established there.

Apostacy the Norm in the West

Never mind just marriage in the West: a similar rate of apostacy from the Gospel is also the norm, not at all forgetting to mention all the false 'Christian' groups which those who want to make the Gospel 'easier' head for where they are less challenged to be proper disciples. I am thinking in the USA particularly of what's called the postmodern 'emergent church movement' where love and law are pitted against each other as though they were natural-born enemies. That too requires a schizophrenic mindset because deep down we all know society cannot function without rules, even if they are unwritten ones.

Rise of the Nicolatian Jezebel Cult

The moral degradation of the West is the evidence of this. Sexual 'liberation' in our age isn't anything particularly new but is the old Nicolaitian error redressed in political language, a heresy that reared its ugly head in the churches of Asia Minor in Book of Revelation times. That Jezebellian cult has completely taken over liberal Christianity:

"You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality..." (Rev.2:20, NIV).

The Problem With Carnal Western Polygamy

My motive in writing this piece is to help fellow Christians who are either hostile to, or sceptical of, plural marriage to better understand why we, as a family and as a movement, have had such a high failure rate here in the West, and why polygamy gets unfairly blamed for it. And I am not talking about the inevitably high casualty rate that has always been found in Western plural marriages where the driving force has been anything but pure spirituality. That's an added factor making this a very, very hard lifestyle to live under current conditions. The main reason I personally distanced myself from the American polygamy scene 20 or more years ago was precisely because I did not want dealings with such carnal 'believers' anymore for whom polygyny had become the justification for promiscuity. Even those who are passionate about Christ and the Gospel have suffered high losses but not necessarily because of carnality. It would have been different if we had lived in a polygyny-accepting culture like Kenya and had we ourselves been black. That's just reality. And if you're going to fairly criticise this way of life, you have to factor all of these things into the 'why' equation. We are social creatures and the culture is more important than most realise. If you are going to defy the culture, as polygynists in the West must, you have got to be tough...both the husbands, wives and children. That's just plain reality.

Who I am Writing This For

This article is for those who are truly born-again, holiness-seeking, serious believers and for those polygyy-rejecting Protestants who, very much stuck in their traditions, are still misjudging us when they ought by now be at least respectfully listening to us as they themselves experience becoming increasingly marginalised in post-Christian Western nations. We all want to be listened to and at least understood. Of these p0lural marriage-rejecting Christians there are two basic types:

• 1. Those who, without a lot of thought and are driven theologically by their guts and morally by the culture they live in, think we are of the devil, that plural marriage was NEVER God's intention but only 'permitted' for a season (itself a theologically untenable position, because it's the same 'logic', only in reverse, used by Christians supporting the LGBTQ+ community and their Liberal-Left political supporters...here, in respect of plural marriage, Left and Right become united as very strange bedfellows indeed); and

• 2. Those who are simply dead scared of the implications for them of acknowledging the truth and us as persons, who don't want to lose family and friends if they either endorse or (for the bolder) practice it, and are not sure they could manage so well in isolation anyway. There are, to be sure, one or two plural marriage-practicing families in Poland, and know who we are, but they are from different denominations and fear their sons and daughters will abandon those traditions if they have fellowship and intermarry with us, or else fear we might be too 'talkative' and jeapordise their own safety. People are understandably cautious and scared. Beyond making their existence known, they have sadly not wanted to talk further, let alone meet. And the 'big' polygyny-accepting group in Poland, the Catholic Mariavites, have long since abandoned plural marriage and made peace with the Pope. To all intents and purposes, then, they are regular Roman Catholics, at least as far as marriage is concerned.

Difficult Realities

I want to address both of these categories, but particularly the latter, as the theology has been done thoroughly on this website and in my online book, The Truth About Biblical Marriage (which is what I share with first-time contacts willing to give us a hearing), and in hundreds of articles and FAQ. Most Protestant Poles are either 'Lutheran' (officially the Evangelical-Augsburg Church - around 60,000 members, Pentecostal - around 25,000 members, and the Seventh-Day Adventists - around 10,000 members, but none of these will give the time of day to us). Do you see the difficulties we face?

The Ex's and Our Children

So unless you are 'successful', people will keep their distance in a bid, as they suppose, to survive, creating a Catch 22 situation for us. And I'll be honest: 5 of my wives have abandoned plural marriage altogether (often because of social pressure) and most are now hostile or neutral with only one of these still reasonably friendly. The children they took with them believe as their mothers do, for the most part, and in any case want to blend in with the culture they find themselves in as they feel no allegiance to their father. Two of my children are outright hostile to the lifestyle because their mothers are, some are indifferent, and the rest support our way of life but are unsure still whether they want to practice it themselves but will if God reveals that it is His will for them. I understand and support them in that, as I have taught them to think for themselves, listen to the Spirit and make their own choices.

Free to Choose

We must all be free to choose because that's one of the first and most important principles of the Gospel. And unlike the actual, bona fide polygamy cults I know of, which are easy to join but hard to get out of, we are the opposite. We lay out the reality on the ground to potential converts (for example, see Hard Truth) and that's usually enough to drive them away from polygyny or find more liberal or carnal groups because the desire to practice this principle is idolatrously mortivated by the wrong things. We only want those who are 100 per cent committed plural marriage and the Gospel because it's necessary for their own peace of mind. Nobody has to become plurally married to join us, moreover, and nearly all in our fellowship aren't. But they will defend the principle as enthusiasatically as those living it, if called upon to do so. Others are more neutral 'let-liv'ers' and avoid the topic if it is raised amongst others. We do make many converts like that who live monogamously or as singles. They are under no pressure to follow in our footsteps and are usually discouraged, and it will remain that way until the final gathering when, because of greater isolation and shared community, it will be socially more attractive..

Final Thoughts

'Normality' means different things to different people. When most people speak of 'normality' as my fourth wife did after she ran away, she meant in part the overall culture in Poland but specifically the non-conservative, liberal secular element, which elsewhere in Europe is now the overwhelming majority. When most Christians accuse polygynists like ourselves of being 'abnormal' they have as there reference point their particular denominational tradition and (in the case of most of our friends and acquaintances...and enemies) that modern movement known as Protestantism (which is 500 years old approximately). Others we know - Catholic, Orthodox and Middle Eastern - have as their reference point the whole Trinitarian corpus which arose 3 to 5 centuries after the apostles. When I speak of 'normal' I have in mind the whole biblical tradition going back to pre-flood times and up to the first half of the second century and partly into the third, depending which part of the Roman Empire (or outside of it) you lived in. Western Christianity is, in any case, a peculiar blend of the Gospel heavily influenced by pagan gnosticism and Greek neo-Platonic philosophy. Even putting plural marriage aside, if we are to return to the 'old paths' and the 'new tradition' established by the apostles (2 Thess.3:6, KJV), we are going to find ourselves substantially out of alignment with both Roman and Greek Christianity in several areas, even if we do share commonalities. There's no escaping that. And if you're at all serious about identifying yourselves with the end-time 'Remnant', as so many Protestants are increasingly doing, then they are going to have to let go a lot of their cherised Greco-Roman culture and return to their Hebrew roots.

Conclusion

So I have no problem embracing the insult levelled by fellow believers, as well as non-believers, that I am ' not normal'. The nation of Israel certainly was, and by all the other nations of the world. That's what the word 'holy' or 'set-apart' to Yahweh, our God, and to Yah'shua the Messiah (Jesus Christ), means. It's why He calls His people "peculiar" in the King James Version (Ex.19:5; Deut.14:2; 26:18; Titus 2:14; 1 Pet.2:9, KJV), meaning 'different', qualifying that by saying we are also a "peculiar treasure" (Ps.135:4, KJV), which is actually what the hebrew segullah means in all of these references. So long as we can happily own that divine designation (and I do) we shall have no problem with being regarded as 'abnormal', 'strange' or 'odd' (or worse), because God has conferred honour on the title. Rather, we should be flattered. I am not ashamed of plural marriage anymore than I am not ashamed of the Gospel (Rom.1:16). Peace to you all.

Author: SBSK