Comment by Lev/Christopher on January 3, 2010 at 2:09am
It was very courageous of you to share so openly, brother. I praise Yahweh that he has brought you to where you are, that you have clung to Yah'shua (Jesus) and know form whence your salvation comes.
Sexual abuse does a great deal of damage to the psyche, as you well know, leading to confusion between agapé love and sexual love. It results in a distortion of identity, particularly when done when young. The abused soul is seeking to understand its identity and worth. The good news is that we are lovable and acceptable without a sexual component. For you and the many others who have been through this trauma what's important is finding a people who won't judge you but accept you where you are and so nurture you as you reconnect to the missing years that were stolen from you by your abuser. The enemy (Satan) in particular will seek to guilt you into believing (if he can) that you are in some way responsible for the abuse when you are not. Overcoming that lie is one of the first and most important steps in deliverance (which we can talk about in the deliverance group if you like). The recovery comes in discovering who you really are, what your gender rôle is, and walking away from the the trauma through healing in Yah'shua.
As for the spirit of lust, Yah'shua can and will take care of that if that is your desire. In my experience most people wrestle with it though few ever admit it. We are constantly bombarded in the medis to think in the demonic way - starving the demonic of that mental and emotional reinforcement is an important part of healing. and requires great self-discipline and resolve if you are unable to physically remore yourself from it.
As a first step I recommend whole heartedly that you assert your true identity in Christ every day, morning and night, and more often as necessary. We have found this to be THE most potent way of coming out of abuse issues because it lets Yah'shua take charge and do the delivering. I'd like to ask you to take a look at this ARTICLE, print it out, and put it to use. If you have any questions you can perhaps start a thread in the Deliverance Group and we can take it from there.
I also recommend you post a prayer request in the Prayer Group so that we can back you up all the way :-)
Comment by GB on January 2, 2010 at 8:35pm
I need some help in some things in my life! I'm seeking help because I want to do all what God has for me to do. I know that in order for you to understand where I am at you have to understand where I have been. Well, I was child abused early in my life. I think I was just abused physically and not sexually. Possibly verbally too. I was in foster care for a year which was a good foster care home. I was adopted at 6 years old. My adopted father died when I was 11 years old. I knew that he was going to die the day that he died, but noone believed me. I was rapped by a male cousin at the age of 9. It went on for about three years strong. After a period of times, I began to like to go over to his house. I then became sexually active with boys/men at the age of 14 or so. I never saw myself being in a relationship with a guy, but only for sexual reasons. I guess you can say lusting. I always felt bad afterwards that I had done it. I prayed to God to deliver me from those actions and he has. I went off to college and was at that point a little less active than when I first went to high school. It was a hard struggle to let some of those people go who I was messing around with. Well, in college, I became hooked on porn with only men. I missed classes just to stay up late to see it. I didn't feel right about that so I prayed to God to deliver me from that and he did. Thank you Jesus! During that time I was very active sexually and contracted gonnorhea. Oh that really was a life-changing moment. I prayed to God like I never had before. I went to the doctor a few days afterwards and got checked out and found out it was indeed gonnorhea. From there I was praying to God to deliver me from it all. I had enough of it. I never could see myself ever loving a man other than for sexual reasons. I knew that is not what God had planned out for my life therefore God delivered me. Well, at this point now in my life, I still struggle with thoughts of sexual actions and images in my mind. I have a mind like a computer. I think a lot of things and seems to be non-stop. It's like with a lot of things I can see them happening before it happens. I don't know if that's a gift or just common sense. I need some help in knowing how to get better control of my mind and how to be delivered completely from the sexual thoughts and images that come into my mind.