I had no idea what a common species Homo monogamania was until I started running chat rooms in Yahoo. It seems they're everywhere in the decadent West. They are characterised by an overdose of pride, self-confidence to the point of vanity, a filthy mouth (boys, you need to carry some soap around with you in your pockets), irrational behaviour, an inability to think clearly, blindness to simple logic, quick-temperedness, impatience, rudeness, disrespect, delight in condemning to hell, kangeroo court trials, and traits that one would never credit as belonging to someone calling themselves 'Christian'. Well there you are, I've surprised myself. There definitely is such a species.

Now a 'monogamaniac' isn't someone who just believe believes in monogamy - I have no problem with such people believing that if they want to, and know plenty of folks in that camp who are my friends. Such I call Homo monogamus. A 'monogamaniac' is is a fanatic or extremist who has more zeal than wisdom, possesses no graces or manners, and who takes particular delight in running roughshod over anyone who doesn't agree with them. They fancy themselves as 'warriors if the Lord' only don't realise that they display the nature, temprement and characteristics of the wrong 'lord'.

I never really tried to visualise a monogamanic until I came across these fabulous pictures in a discipleship manual from the 1970's which warned young people about the 'lunatic fringe' in Christendom. When I saw these pics, I just had to share them with you. They remind me of Pastor Hud" who from the day I first met him in my chat room will forever typify your typical 'monogamaniac'. I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did.

Doesn't this remind you a bit of Uncle Adolf? The cool, glassy stare, the armband, pot belly, and frequent gesticulations. Too many pulpits have these guys in them. Except for the vaccant-minded who are taken in by their cheap rhetoric, most of us would see such characters as comical figures were it not for the fact that they are ruining people's souls, spoiling evangeliism, and giving Christ a bad name amongst the unbelievers.

There are quite enough egos-on-legs in Christendom as it is on ground-level to start putting them up in the pulpits as well, but they're there, have always been there, and probably always will be there until Christ returns and shunts the whole absurd circus into the abyss.

In this picture Pastor Adolf is in one of his more quiet moods as he addresses the faithful Schickelgrübers of his congregation. I guess the sheep know their masters' voices and are where they are supposed to be. They're probably as deaf from all the yelling they hear as much as Pastor Adolf is from hearing (and being mesmerised by) his own voice.

And now we turn to evangelist Hud in full swing. Note the electrical current pouring through him as evidenced by his vertically-pointing arm, which the faithful Hudettes naturally see as a sign of heavenly approbation (since the hair is pointing upwards too).

The mouth is proportionate to the size of his ego. Note the dripping lollipop in his right hand which on occasion he bites in furious rage in simulation of the way he would like to love his opponents into his personal kingdom. Occasionally the microphone disappears down his throat as his body sways in the ecstasy of his own preaching, providing ample and appropriate sound effects from the digestive juices of this spiritual Machiavelli with which to illustrate the way he believes (and hopes) polygamists will one day dissolve in a giant acid bath in his favourite vaccation spot, Hades.

And, of course, we must never forget Evangelist Hud's favourite quote: 'Il Duce is always right!' And he is, by golly, he is! Always right - or so his foot tells me, for every time I meet him, he puts his foot right into a theological whirlpool of confusion. Nevertheless, by some miracle, his head somehow always manages to poke above this swirling mass on account of its great size.

Finally (and yes, I hear your sighs of disappointment as we bring down the curtain on this excruciating scene) we come to Missionary Hud who is ever on the lookout for converts to his gentile way of life. Here we see him in one of his encounters with my husband Stanisław. Note the stream of agapé love gently ouzing of out his mouth, the warm and friendly handshake, and the respect which he accords the one he is testifying too. He has mastered his Bible to an admirable degree knowing how to quote profusely from its mass.

Missionary Hud has, sadly, forgotten that the Way of Christ is by attraction (John 12:32) and that it is the Pharisees and their ilk who try to take the Kingdom by violence (Matthew 11:12). He has not understood that the Torah (Law) is supposed to be put into men's minds and written onto their hearts through love (Jeremiah 31:33) by Elohim (God) Himself and not by using the Bible as a cudgel. The truth naturally enters the souls of those whose hearts are open but falsehood must be beaten in with a stick. The Huds of this world haven't even begun to understand the first principle of Christian/Messianic love, nor what long-suffering and patience mean. And as such, therefore, they will only ever really persuade those who are as boneheaded as themselves.

If you come across any suitable monogamaniac pictures, do send them in to me. Perhaps the occasional Pastor Hud will see himself in one of them for what he actually is and be shocked into a reevaluation of his life. That, in any case, is my hope.

Authors: SBSK, KMK