Undoing the Sexual Knots
I do, of course, understand that if you who are reading this are a bisexual woman that the chances are your experience is very, very different from other bisexual women. And it's true that no two people's stories are exactly alike, although I firmly believe that the inner struggles and process are similar. If you're still with us this far then we're hoping that something has invisibly touched you inside and that unconconsciously perhaps you want what others have discovered. Whatever you may be feeling though, please stay with and hear us out.
Elohim (God) created us as sexual beings. He created sex. Unfortunately, there are a lot of perverse pseudo-Christian/Messianic ideas that have been around since the time of Augustine which suggest that sex is somehow 'dirty'. It isn't. However, there is pure sex and there is impure sex, just as there is true giving love and greedy manipulating 'love'. Elohim (God) created sex and love but gave us the freedom to choose how we would use both.
The human spirit is complicated, intricate, sensitive, wonderful, and fragile. To this spirit Yahweh has united a physical body with many different sensations, impulses and urges. When Elohim (God) created the sexual impulse it was with a view to bringing man ecstatic joy. He created sex for refreshment, fulfilment, recreation, sharing, release, healing, realignment, lessons in loving, practice in sensitivities, procreation, completion, entrance into the kingdom of being corporate, gratitude, longing, hope, endurance, fun, laughter, mysticism, embrace, development in the art of laying down our lives for others, and endless categories of blessing. Sex was Yahweh's best physical gift to mankind.
Now admittedly what I've just told you is rather like a product description such as one might find with a microwave oven. The manual of instructions tells you all that a microwave oven can do. However, if you try to use a microwave oven to dry your cat or to warm up rheumatic muscles, you're in for a terrible shock, because the microwave will kill the cat and probably severely burn your skin. Microwaves were made for a limited range of activities even though it may be used for many more.
Sex is one of the most wonderful physical creations of Elohim (God). And we admit, my wives and I love it, and feel wonderful about it. We have no guilty conscience because we use it in the way Yahweh intended. But once you start using it for what it was not created, you immediately start damaging yourself.
Let's just take a look at some of the activities sex was created for. Unlike a microwave oven which can be set to do different things - defrost, roast, etc. - sex has only ONE multi-faceted function. When you engage in sex, you engage in ALL the above ... simultaneously. If you look at the list above, you will discover that in a bisexual relationship you can actually engage in many of sex's functions but not all. You can, for example, while having sex with another woman, have fun, feel refreshed, learn to be sensitive to the other's wishes, feel gratitude, feel longing, and many other positive things. And because you feel these positive things, you may convince yourself that what you are doing is good, holy and pure. However, there are many things in lesbian sex that you cannot to: You cannot procreate, which is the ultimate goal of sex, and one of the major reasons Elohim (God) created it. You cannot find long-term healing because harmony only comes about through the union of opposites (male and female). You will not find completion because there will always be that gnawing 'something' that is missing. And worst of all, you will not be able to enter into the Kingdom of Elohim (God) because those who engage in homosexual and lesbian acts are not permitted entry (e.g. 1 Corinthians 6:9). Lesbian sex is a long-term dead-end in spite of the short-term pleasures. It turns you into a spiritual invalide.
I say this not to be nasty but (a) because the Creator the the Universe, people, you, and sex has said it - and He's never wrong; and (b) because bisexuals who have experienced the contrast of the new life in Christ after deliverance have seen time and time again the dead-end that lesbian sex is. Worse, it (c) leads to psychological imbalance, pernicious addictions that often lead to greater and greater perversity, demon troubles, and alienation from Elohim (God). Finally, (d) it leads to complete spiritual destruction.
To be blessed with a full sexual life created according to Yahweh's plan means to become a complete human being. A complete human being is a person who has a loving, living personal spirit by which she empathises with others and cherishes others more than herself. We do not become human being by simply existing.
"We have to be made human beings by being given lavish affection in infancy and thus drawn forth into love. Sexual blessedness depends upon the capacity of our spirits to reach through our bodies to nurture, bless, enfold, enrich, and enrapture the heart and spirit of another. That capacity is activated, nurtured, and disciplined by our relations to our fathers and mothers. Before we are 6 years old, the ability later to enjoy sex fully has either been enabled or destroyed. Failing to receive from our father especially, we cannot enter into the fullness of what ought to be. Aberational forms subsequently await us like reefs under the shallow waters of our living" (John & Paula Sandford, The Transformation of the Inner Man, Victory House, Tulsa, OK: 1982, p.270)
The question then is: how do we become human? And what is our rôle model? For the Christian/Messianic (male and female), there is only one answer: Yah'shua (Jesus). He was the only really fully human person that has ever lived. To say, as we sometimes do, when we do something wrong: "Oh, I'm only human" is to abuse the meaning of the word 'human'. The only reason we do wrong things is because we are inhuman! If we were human, we would do as Christ did. We would be compassionate, warm, open, giving, embracing, and nurturing.
The kind of sexually fulfilling union that Elohim (God) has in mind is no more clearly depicted than in the symbolic marriage of Christ to His Allegorical Bride, the Church or Messianic Community, and the Father to Israel, the two being synonymous. To have a successful sexual relationship you need a head who is loving and one who is submitted and is obedient. Even in homosexual and lesbian relationships we find a distorted image of this playing out as one partner assumes a dominant 'masculine' rôle (often the 'butch' lesbian). The trouble is, the woman playing the 'headship' rôle in a lesbian relationship isn't a man, and the more she assumes that rôle, the more masculine she becomes. The only union is the union of opposites, as I have said, and so the lesbian couple try to play out a rôle that can never lead to fruition, because a woman isn't a man, and two north poles don't properly attract.
"One spirit, perfectly wedded to our body, would rejoice to embrace another, for His sake rather than ours alone. That life of living to bless others would be so natural and fulfilling to us, we would be willing, like Jesus [Yah'shua], to suffer loss for the happiness of another. That sacrificial willingness is the quintessence of success in marital sexual union, for only as both husband and wife are willing to give all they are through their bodies to fulfil the other can either or both reach the fullness of blessed sex" (Ibid., p.271).
For the lesbian (as opposed to the bisexual woman), the result is a spiritual short-circuit which may also lead to physical imbalances also. For the bisexual, who is only 'partly' lesbian, there is the heterosexual refuge in the natural relationship. The bisexual woman is an incomplete lesbian and an incomplete heterosexual. She has one foot in each of the two worlds.
So how does she become a normal heterosexual woman? First we need to find out how she acquired lesbian tendencies in the first place ...
First created on 8 March 2001
Updated on 16 August 2016
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