In the recent past, there has been a great deal of turmoil within our circle. It seems to have originated with my sharing with my fiancée some comments that were made to me. This seems to have raised a lot of questions about trust, reliability and privacy. And the situation continues to get further and further out of hand rather than being resolved in a Christian manner. I think I can point to a few pretty good reasons why.

In the first place, the comments that I shared with Stanisław were made to me about him after a couple of other incidents where people we thought knew tried to sow doubts in me about my relationship with him. I would like to settle something right up front. This is the man Elohim (God) has led me to that I will spend the rest of my life with, not to mention all of eternity. I take very seriously the scriptural instructions for a wife’s behaviour and demeanor towards her husband. I have and will continue to share any and everything that happens that reflects on him personally or us as a family. I will neither apologize nor excuse that. While I value my friends and do value their privacy, I will not betray my husband (in my mind and my heart that commitment is already made) by keeping from him comments made about him that reflect negatively on his character. Besides loving him deeply, I have the utmost respect for his ministry and his integrity. If I feel those are challenged, I will stand with him, irrevocably and steadfastly. Whatever small personal problems we may have or what disagreements, I will present to the world and my Elohim (God) absolute loyalty and unity with him. That is just the way it is.

I am afraid this all got started because one day when I was tired and a little disgruntled, I was encouraged to ventilate by someone I considered a friend and I did. Comments that I made were never meant to be taken as doubting my husband, but simply ventilating during a shaky time. I have learned that, in the future, if I need to ventilate, I will ventilate to my husband or my sister-wives. It was not appropriate for me to have done that but it is done and I have owned up to my part in this to him and we have resolved it between us. This is where it should have stopped but it did not.

After I showed Stanisław the comments made, he immediately sought an impartial mediator to intervene with the deepest desire for reconciliation. Although I know his feelings were hurt, he first and foremost sought a resolution that would bring peace and glorify Yahweh. As a restorative measure I was asked not to converse with the individuals involved until Stanisław and the patriarch involved were able to bring resolution to this matter. Out of respect for my fiancée's wishes and obedience to his authority I have obeyed that request. It was not easy for me, as I knew there would be some hurt between the wives and I but I complied in the interest of resolution and obedience.

Now this is the way I see it. It was unfortunate that the situation arose in the first place, whether through misunderstanding or intent. Having occurred, it is up to the husbands to resolve this as it is primarily an issue between them in the first place. Further that is part and parcel of biblical submission of wives to their husbands. The crux of the idea is that they do not need us to speak for them, they need us to be supportive when they speak for themselves, and they need us to do what they ask us to do, trusting that they will bring resolution. That is the biblical order of things. It would have been highly inappropriate for me to contact the other patriarch in this matter and it was highly inappropriate for the other wives to intervene in this matter. Because of the vitriol and anger, and because of the inappropriate intervention, it will be very difficult for there to be a redemptive resolution to this matter and that is very sad. There is a scriptural principle for resolution to these types of conflicts and if followed allows for resolution and repentance in the best interests of everyone. Because there was usurping of biblical roles in this matter, that has become an unlikely event.

Here is a practical hint why the men should have been left to resolve this without input from the women, and it dovetails nicely with scripture. When all of this happened, I was ready to isolate myself from the rest of the human race, I was angry and mistrustful. That is emotion, something we women have to contend with much worse than men. While emotions can contribute to many situations, conflict resolution is not one of the situations where it will. And that is what has happened here. With the women getting involved, emotions have gotten so high, and feelings supplanted reason so completely that even if resolution is effected, there is no chance for restoration of the friendship on the level that it was, and I do not believe that was ever what Elohim (God) had in mind. It is a consequence of some of the parties being disobedient and usurping roles that weren’t theirs. I realize this will further anger some folks but I felt it necessary to point out that when we step out of the roles Elohim (God) has assigned us, the consequences are not good. Especially in the delicate area of conflict resolution, the consequences can be severe.

I realize that there are going to be those who will say that I precipitated the conflict in the first place by sharing with my husband the comments made about him. I have heard the word betrayal thrown about a time or two. But I put it to you like this. If I had not said anything to him, whom would I have been betraying then? Not only by talking behind his back, but by not telling him when disparaging remarks are made. If to try to protect his integrity, and the bond of trust that we have between us, is betrayal, then I am happily a betrayer. With that statement I have concluded my preoccupation with this affair. It is in far more capable hands than mine and I must needs be about my Father’s business, and this is not it.

Author: SBK