This morning I had a dream which I at first thought meant nothing, but in our family we often ask about each others dreams, in order to find out what kind of night the others have had, and when I described my dream to my husband, Stanisław, I soon discovered that it was not as insignificant as I had thought. In fact it taught me about myself and the way I approach my physical relatives...
In the dream I was visiting my elder sister and her husband. They had an animal that had to be locked up in some rooms in a separate part of the house - I kept on trying to keep it from escaping whenever I fed it. Without my noticing or even reacting it soon turned into a brain-damaged girl/young woman - and I and a young man (my own age) were visiting her behind a high fence - we kept on rôle-playing with/for her - I remember putting woolly coats on our backs in order to represent sheep (My main focus was constantly on my male co-visitor)
I haven't yet mentioned the 'sheep-part' to my husband but I see it's significance as I'm writing now, and how it fits in with his interpretation; He said that the way I acted in my sister's home was the way I spiritually act whenever I am with her. I am afraid to guide her to the REAL CHRIST, so instead I put on an act. Here I have to add that I myself (both my female and male parts - the one which should guide her to the True Path) am acting Christ - the Lamb of Elohim (God)! I am afraid to be disliked; and therefore I step into her domain, thus keeping her caged, instead of setting her free to meet the real Christ - Yah'shuah the Messiah (Jesus Christ).
Then I dreamt that I was with all or most of my sisters and brothers in a pool area and I went for a short swim, then I wanted to climb up a spring board and jump into deep water, whilst encouraging the others to do the same. I was still searching for a place to dive when I saw two of my brothers jump in from a fairly high springboard, but when they hit the water, their legs crumpled under them, for the water was very shallow - only knee-high.
Again, I am (wrongly) evangelising in my own spiritual power. The water represents spirit. The Holy Spirit of Yahweh is deep and profound, but all I am offering is my own shallow charisma, and if someone follows me, they'll get hurt! No matter how much I want to give them a wonderful experience...
Then I saw another of my brothers in the dream; he was following a railroad track which was curving endlessly between the pools, then he was in a group of several Asians, Chinese or Japanese (they wore those characteristic circular hats). I thought what he was doing was futile, and led nowhere, so I tried to grab him and take him with me.
This particular brother has a very intellectual approach to life. (Following railroad tracks and mingling with people who are less heart- and more intellectually based comparitively speaking) - and though I approve of using the mind Elohim (God) has given us, I know that it cannot be relied on - and won't lead to the real Life on its own.
Then I was approaching a huge building (right next to the pool-area), together with some of my more superficial (unbelieving) friends. Inside there was a ball. The rooms were enormous, they were in a long row, with tables on the side and dance floors in the middle. No doors, only a little bit of wall attached to the side walls and ceiling to indicate were one room ended and the next began. (See illustration below).
The light was dim and the rooms had a 'brown-pink' atmosphere. The music was not modern. People were dancing traditional waltzes, and the like. And the women wore proper ballroom dresses.
We went to the second room, where we found some of my former male school-friends seated at a table. One of them asked if I had been drinking. And I said 'no' (I never drink), and then he said: 'In that case, I shan't ask you to to dance with me'. I felt rejected. - Then I woke up.
The last part of the dream illustrates very well the spiritual state I enter whenever I am in contact with non-christians. It isn't filled with the worst worldly music, but I try to adapt to their expectations without letting go of what is morally engraved in me - like not drinking. But this does not make me content. I want the benefit of the world (dancing with them), without sacrificing Yahweh, and I want the reward of Yahweh, without sacrificing the world. The two are NOT compatible and so long as I try to guide people when I walk like this, I will end up hurting them! (Like the brothers jumping into the pool) I only hope the intellectual brother won't enter my 'ballroom' - all I want is for Elohim's (God's) Lamb to set them all free in His strength!
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:36).
Postscript (2016) - Sadly, Kasia was to eventually make the fateful decision to yield to this fleshy nature completely. A short time after she abandoned us I saw a vision of her. She climbed out of a small, clean and pure pool, stripped naked, and then leaped into an enormous but dirty swimming pool filled with all kinds of worldly people. I knew then that she had totally yielded to what she had always resisted when she was with us, abandoning Yah'shua (Jesus), the Gospel, and her biblical moral standards, turning also to alcohol like most of her family. The once very fruitful and effective apologist for the Kingdom became a useless apologist for the world and herself (her behaviour). The frightening thing is that we are all more than capable to making such decisions and I have seen former brethren and sisters, often highly intellectual (wherein can lie much pride), do precisely this, embracing in steps atheism as the only means there is of self-justification. Unfortunately for such, after the initial 'thrill' of experiencing 'freedom', so-called, is that the descent into the well of atheism leads you eventually into the face of Yahweh again, if you are honest enough to deal with the evidence. Then you have to make the choice of the repentant prodigal son and return to your true home where you belong knowing that if you are contrite and humble you will be received with forgiveness and love. The arm of flesh will fail you but Yahweh will always help you! (Ps.146:3-9). As the hymn says:
"Stand up, stand up for Yah'shua,
Stand in His strength alone;
The arm of flesh will fail you,
You dare not trust your own"