I am sure that you have all, at some time in your life, had the occasion to carefully study a flower. They are quite astonishing pieces of heavenly craftmanship. And there are few who have not noticed that there are literally tens of thousands of different types of flower. There are those with a few petals and those with hundreds. They come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and colours. The array of flower-types - from the simple garden daisy to a spectacularly-complicated orchid or lily - are placed on this world to remind us that every single human marriage is unique because every couple (or triple, or tetrad, etc.) is unique. As you study each flower you will notice an extraordinary order: not only is there symmetry and colour harmony, but you will notice too that the male and female reproductive organs (anthers and stigma) are precisely arranged too. Each flower is perfectly integrated, designed for its particular function.
Marriages, like flowers, are unique and diverse
No two souls are alike. No two souls in Christ are alike either. Each has his or her spiritual gifting. However, it is not - and never has been - Yahweh's intention that such gift-packages should operate solo. He designed, first, marriage, and second, the church or fellowship so that these soul-giftings could be combined and harmonised. Of the two, marriage is, of course, the most intimate, and forms the model for the relationship of the Church/Messianic Community to Yah'shua (Jesus) our Messiah. Marriage, however, comes in two forms:
The aim - the goal - of that prayer, He tells us, is that in the Body of Christ we should aspire to the same kind of unity that obtains in the Elohim or Godheaed between the Father and the Son. And we know, from our supernatural encounters with Yahweh through the Spirit that there is no way we can distinguish between the Father and the Son. When we experience the Elohim (God), we experience Him as One - Echad.
- (a) Partnerships or alliances which dissolve at death; and
- (b) Echad unions of the type portrayed in the Garden of Eden and translated into a blueprint for the Church/Assembly in Yah'shua's (Jesus') High priestly Prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane.
The kind of marriage that this ministry addresses is exclusively the second. Whereas the first may perhaps be described as a kind of business arrangement, partnership, or cooperation between two companies, the second or echad marriage is far more: it is not only a partnership but a combining, merging, and re-integration. In Echad marriage Eve is returning to Adam - she is integrating with him as part of him, and therefore he of her. The picture is not of two flat globules floating on top of water in a frying pan combining to form one new globule that is a synthesis of the two, but of a rib being metaphorically grafted back into the donor from which it was originally taken. This means, in effect, that Adam is not becoming Eve, or either becoming Adam-Eve, but Eve is becoming Adam. For before Eve was taken out of Adam, Adam was still Adam. He did not suddenly experience a personality change - he did not become Adam Mark 2, or a 'New' or 'Reduced' Adam: when Adam was presented with his wife Eve, he was still the same Adam he was before. We need to remember this as we try to visualise and understand what true eternal echad marriage in Christ really is.
Every Eve must return to her Adam from whence she came
The terror - if I may call it that - of fallible women when they marry fallible men is that in surrendering, yielding and submitting to their husbands is that they may, if they are not very careful, idolatrise him. We need today to examine that terror and try to understand where it is founded and where it is not. Because the calling of a woman in marital union is to yield herself completely to her husband in the same way as the believer is supposed to yield him- or herself to Christ. It is her spiritual disposition, in fact, placed there by the Creator, to look up to her husband in the same way as the believer is supposed to look up the Christ: for just as we are derived from Yahweh, so the woman is derived from the man.
The female is a copy of the male DNA and X-sex chromosome
Yah'shua (Jesus) said: "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48, NKJV). This is no idle commandment. And it has enormous implications for us as believers. This perfection does, of course, refer to the perfection of love, which is the supreme virtue of Elohim (God) and man (1 Corinthians 13:13; 1 John 4:16). The Saviour further says that we are to emulate His humanity in everything we are and do - we are to become like Him. It follows from this that if we successfully obtain this perfection through emulating Christ whilst in Christ that we shall, by the by, obtain a Christ-nature ourselves. That this is the only conclusion we can arrive at is forced upon us by the testimony of the apostles who quite clearly stated that the carnal nature has to be crucified so that Christ can live in us and thus transform us into His image. Thus the physical image of the Elohim (God) which we are described as being in the opening verses of Genesis comes to embrace the spiritual image too which is the goal of the last book of the Bible. Through faith in Christ and obedience to His commandments, which includes as our priority loving Him as He loves us ... and is the commandment given to all husbands relative to their wives (Ephesians 5:25-29; Colossians 3:19-20) ... we attain a Christ-like stature and fulfil the purpose for which we were created.
All are called to the perfection of Christ
We are attracted to Christ because of His perfection. We know that he will not disappoint us because He lived Torah without sinning once. No man can of himself do this for we are all, as we should know, sinners. None is righteous in himself. However, a righteous man is described as one who walks in complete faith in Yahweh, and his justification is appropriated on this basis. Because he is in Christ, walking along the Way which leads to full sanctification and perfection, irrespective of the fact that he sins along the way, he is declared right with Yahweh because he is living the repentant life of faith. A wife can never be attracted to her husband in the same way that a believer is attracted to Christ because of the husband's imperfection. But that really isn't the point: her attraction to him should not be on the basis of his perfection (for she will likely have a very long wait) but on the basis of his status with Yahweh, namely, a justified son of Elohim (God). On this basis she should yield to him, knowing that she may safely trust him to repent when in error and that he will not abandon the Way. And if she has a revelation that she is his in eternity - if she knows she has been called to marry him because she is in fact returning to a state in which she previously existed before this life (like that of Adam before Eve was taken out of him), then she will throw herself at his feet and yield to him in everything as we, as believers, yield unto Christ.
I underline the word "everything" because that is the word that Paul uses, for he writes:
Now that word "everything" is our English rendition of the Greek pas which means in a total sense ... in every sphere (the meaning is the same in the Hebrew and Aramaic). It does not leave space for opting out.
"let the wives be (submitted to their husbands as the Church is subject to Christ) to their own husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:24, NKJV).
If there is a real terror for a woman then it can only be in two situations:
These are the only two grounds for not trusting 100% and of yielding 100% in everything. If she has married a person who is not her eternal echad companion she will never be able to yield to him in everything because she is not his "rib"! Her attempts at union will always be thwarted. And if he is not living a repentant life in Christ he will eventually drag her down to hell with him; and if that is the case, the best thing she can do is separate from him and so save her own soul. For no marriage relationship takes precedence over our relationship to Yahweh through Christ - ever.
- (a) She is married to a man whom Yahweh has not called to her marry; or
- (b) Her husband is walking off the Way and away from Yahweh.
What is a 'man' and what is a 'woman'? Are they two complementary yin-yang objects, plus and minus, as Taoism, occultism and the New Age teach us? The answer to that is 'yes' and 'no'. Yes, they are compliments or opposites inasmuch as in this sphere they are created 'male' (Heb. zakar) and female' (Heb. neqebah). But their complimentarity is not that simple. Hebrew, the root language of the Bible that was spoken before the Tower of Babel and which survived only amongst the Shemites (Semites, or descendants of Noah's son Shem) through Eber (from which we get the word 'Hebrew'), at least in its original form, was the language taught by Yahweh to Adam, or was otherwise created able speak something like it (remembering that language continuously evolves). It is so formed that each letter is itself a revelation, together possessing a pattern that contain the workings of the mind of the Elohim (God). My article series on the Brides of Solomon goes into this in a little more depth. And we discover, as we look at gender issues through the eyes of this language, that gender matters are not really as they have been taught to us by the secular society.
Is the relationship between man and woman a yin-yang one?
The table below sets out the matter clearly, showing how the same thought pattern has partially survived in our English language and how it is confirmed in sexual genetics. Adam, before Eve was created, is described as being a 'man' or ish. The woman, Eve, is described as being ishshah or a 'female man'. To put it another way, Adam is a male and Eve is a female male (contracted in English to fe-male or female). The idea that there is an entity called 'mankind' which is gender-inclusive, from which Yahweh has created 'man' and 'woman' is spurious (therefore beware of gender-neutral or -inclusive Bible translations like the NRSV). Yahweh created Adam (man/male/ish) from which He created Eve (wo-man/fe-male/ish-shah). This is confirmed by a simple genetic operation that the genome of a male man consists of an X (female) and Y (male) sex chromosomes (XY) whereas the genome of the female man consists only of an X (female) sex chromosome in duplicate (XX). X was taken out of XY. And as we all know, the Y (male) chromosome is the dominant/controlling/ruling sex chromosome as its presence determines the gender or otherwise. A woman is, quite simply, an absense of the Y (male) part of the man (XY).
|ISH (Heb. man)
||ISH-SHAH (Heb. female man)|
When Eve was created from Adam, he did not lose his 'X'-self. He remained XY. The X of Eve was duplicated from the X of the Adamic XY. And Yahweh is more than able to duplicate many X's from the original XY compliment in order to make several Eves, as is the case in polygamy. Adam and Eve, a monogamous couple, are an illustration of alef- or alpha-marriage or 'beginning marriage' since all marriage begins monogamously even if it develops further into polygamy. Polygamy is no more unnatural than the creation of Eve out of Adam - polygamy is the natural unfolding of alef/alpha-marriage or monogamy. Moreover, whilst Adam and Eve are certainly compliments, as were Jacob and Leah in the beginning, so are Jacob, Leah, Rachel, Bilhah and Zilpah. Complimentarity in the divine sense does not follow the same man-made Toaist rules of mathematics that we have been brainwashed to unreservedly accept.
The family of Jacob - 4 wives and 13 children
We meet the same phenomenon in the concept of uniplurality (echad), as best illustrated in the Elohimhead or Godhead. Elohim (God) consists of three-in-one (or nine-in-one, depending on how you look at it), the Elohim being both one and many simultaneously. The Godhead began with Yahweh (cp. Adam) and became Yahweh + Ruach haQodesh/Holy Spirit (cp. Adam + Eve) and had a uniquely-begotten Son called Yah'shua (Jesus) (cp. Abel). Notice, though, that when Adam was made, He was made in their (the Elohim's) image (namely Yahweh + Ruach/Spirit ≡ Father + Mother), hence his compliment of XY chromosomes, the male principle being derived from Yahweh and the female from the Ruach (Spirit). Do you see the divine tavnith or pattern? The Ruach (Spirit) is subject to the Father in all things, just as Eve is subject to Adam in all things, for the creature is always subject to the creator, the derived to the source, as sons and daughers are to their parents, and wives to their husbands.
The point of all this is as follows: women can only ever properly understand themselves through their husbands, and men through the Elohim (God). We may seek other means to explain who we are but they are doomed to fail. There is an Elohim-shaped vacuum in man that can only ever be filled by Yahweh; and there is a male-shaped vacuum in woman than can only ever be filled by man. Adam is Eve's missing Y, just as the Elohim (God) is man's missing cosmic 'XY', whatever that may be ... or maybe it is a third factor like 'Z' that we presently know nothing about.
The male and female sex chromosomes
Moreover, the way that men and woman, respectively, find their 'completeness' is similar but not identical. Dare we posit that the Elohim (God) has need of us? If not, why does He longingly wait for our return, as the father of the prodigal son awaited, with drawm-out heart, for his own rebellious son? Clearly Elohim (God) has a need for us, and whilst we too have a need for Him ... longing to be reunited with Him ... it cannot be quite on the same basis (which perhaps some future essay can explore). The same must be, and is, true of husband and wife - of Adam and Eve. They both long for each other but in slightly different ways. That is not to diminish the need of one or the other - to say that one is inferior to the other: but it is to say that those needs express themselves in slightly different ways and take on different forms that are explained in the very differences of the sexes themselves ... needs that the secular unisexual mentality has obscured and denied, turning men and women into psychologically distorted and therefore disturbed, restless people, clamoring for different forms of fulfilment but never finding them. There is only one true path for the genders, I maintain, and it is to be understood in the relationship of ishshah to ish, and of XX to XY.
As footnote to this, and following on from my essay on bisexuality, you will notice an implied female-female relationship in XX. This is, I maintain, not bisexuality, but another form of female sexuality which has its expression through their husband in polygyny. It is the relationship of sister-wives to each other through the husband (which bisexuality is technically independent of since it is two forms of parallel sexuality - heterosexuality and lesbianism). This sexuality I call echad sexuality since it is both XY (the primary form) and XX (the secondary form) of sexuality. It is a unique form of echad heterosexuality that has nothing to do with lesbianism (which is antithetical to echad) or bisexuality (which is a contradiction in terms, being both heterosexuality and lesbianism, a partially developed form of lesbianism). Our understanding of this echad sexuality can only come from the reverse metaphor which is the mystical union of Christ to His uniplural Bride, the Church (Messianic Community). But here we struggle with language problems, because our own Anglo-Saxon tongue has not yet evolved to include what we need to express, and has created distinctions which in Yahweh's eyes do not even exist (like 'monogamy' and 'polygamy'). The term 'sister-wife' has also evolved in our vocabulary but even this (which is a multiple-monogamy term) is really inadequate because they are more than mere 'sisters' and I originally suggested shegal wife. Far better I think, in retrospect, to call her an echad-wife.
True echad marriage union means complete and total submission, control, dominion, or whatever word you may choose to represent complete yielding and surrender. It's grounds are, as I have said, an unmistakable witness that the marriage is God-ordained and a clear signal that the husband is truly walking the way of Christ. Because both are sinners both are to support and edify one another but not in the same way. (This is not to be confused with the mutual submission of brothers and sisters in Christ, which references the allegorical relationship between sister-wives in their mutual relationship to their Bridegroom, Yah'shua/Jesus - Ephesians 5:21). The husband is the leader and teacher, the wife the quiet, gentle, peaceable spirit who leavens her husband through simply reflecting those qualities through the presence of the Ruach (Spirit) (1 Peter 3:3-6). Remember, that echad marriage is not a business merger - it is the woman returning to the man. When this happens he will automatically be attracted to her and his covering over her will fall neatly into place. If she tries to teach or exert any kind of authority over him or the other wives, she will be occupying a male position and become repulsive.
The Western mindframe revolts at such a concept, but mostly, I suspect, because the vast majority of men are not seeking the righteousness of Yahweh. When she metaphorically returns to his 'rib cage' as his bosom companion they are walking together in the same righteousness and a mutual dependence comes into being. However, it is not a joint agenda that they are following, but the agenda that Yahweh has given to the husband. And if they are ordained for each other, then at length the wife will gladly follow her husband's lead as family priest, trusting and subjecting herself to him in "everything" - mind, heart, body and spirit. Any other kind of marriage, which has walls, boundaries or spheres of influence, is of the other kind of marriage - the worldly kind, which Yah'shua (Jesus) says come to an end at death and which has no continuation in the world to come.
Our own soul is composed of what I like to think of as 'rooms' connected by various doors. In souls that are subjected to traumatic abuse, often these doors become closed or locked so that communication paths between the different parts of the soul become closed or restricted. This can lead to partial fragmentation of the personality. In Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID), which is an even more extreme form of fragmentation, the rooms are not only closed off to one another but literally rip apart. The result is that each room becomes a persona or alter which has the characteristic of being a separate house or person. As such a soul heals, so the different rooms reassemble in their original positions until the whole house has been rebuilt, and at length the doors open between them and the original personality becomes one again, yet retaining all the different facets of human character which we know so well and which were expressed as different alternate personalities (alters). When subpersonalities or alters reintegrate, they are said to 'go back' to the place they were. Thus a 'dining room' returns to the 'living room' wall which once separated it.
This is an over-simplistic analogy but useful in understanding what the original Adam was like. Imagine, if you will again, a house, to which are attached several rooms. In Adam's case, one room - a two-roomed apartment, if you like. When Eve was taken from Adam, one of the rooms was separated from the main living room. She was not, however, taken away from him, but 'given' back to him. He became the owner of the second house, since it was him anyway. An echad husband owns his wife, and together they are owned by Yahweh through Christ.
Our destiny is not to physically return to where we came from, but spiritually. The separation of Eve from Adam in a physical sense was, and is, permanent. But the spiritual separation is not. As we yearn to return to be with our allegorical Bridegroom Yah'shua (Jesus), so the wife yearns to be reunited to her husband. She desires to be one mind, one heart, and one spirit with him. And if he has many wives, all of them have the same desire. And they become one flesh through physical union (sex) through which they re-experience, when the whole soul is joined, that first union that existed before Eve was taken from Adam. The mystery of sex in its non-procreative aspect is really all about that early oneness, which is why the final orgasmic release in that union (when coupled to the invisible spirit) is such a glorious experience. Without that spiritual union, however, sex becomes nothing more than a mere spiritually unfulfilling outer stimulation of the flesh.
Eve returning to Adam spiritually is very much like the integration of a subalter to a prime alter in an MPD victim. The separation of man and woman is unnatural for both. Those who have the echad vision of marriage understand these things. The other form - which we call 'multiple-monogamy' - the 'business partnership arrangement' type of marriage, is that kind of marriage which ends at death. That others feel called to this kind of marriage for reasons I don't intend to analyse here must be something that they decide among themselves. For us, nothing but the echad model will do.
Those who have experienced failed and unhappy marriages may well draw back at the concept of echad. They may have genuine concerns about becoming a mere satellite of some vain-glorious egotistical and bigoted man who wishes to turn them into mere satellites or slaves. And using the Pauline passages I have cited he could well do just that, for all scripture can potentially be misused by those who do not truly walk in the Holy Spirit. They may even be tempted to think that echad marriage is another variation of BDSM or dominance/submission doctrine and practice. Superficially the misconception is understandable but when its spiritual heart is understood and appreciated, it will be seen to be the very opposite. Echad marriage is absolutely not BDSM or any variation of it. But you will probably never convince anyone of that who has not been anointed by the Spirit.
Like the rose at the beginning of this article, an echad marriage is fully integrated and ordered. It is centred around the husband who is submitted to Christ. If you are a wife in a monogamous or a polygamous marriage, your centre is your husband and the mission he has been given in this life. It is unwise, therefore, to compare him too closely with other patriarchs who may have very different callings and therefore different collective family goals. And if you are a new wife, you must expect time to integrate fully into your husband and his other wives. You may begin as a petal on the periphery but as you learn to submit totally you will find yourself being irresistably drawn into the core. As new wives return to their husband, so the echad rose grows in beauty and glory which is shared by all. For who, when contemplating a rose, just focuses on a petal? It is the sum total of the parts which is a flower's wonder and glory. We are amazed, are we not, by the symmetry and the harmony of colours and shapes - I know I often react in surprise and delight whenever I see flowers. I am often to be found looking at our flower bed and examining the flowers as they bloom, from which I gain so much personal inspiration. Currently my favourite is the peony! And what a beautiful fragrance that magnificent flower has!
Like a rose opening, a polygamous echad unity develops in stages
The mystery of echad union is also the mystery of the 144,000 who have yielded themselves fully to Yahweh. But there are others who have not yielded fully, or who are stunted in their growth, who are to be likened to some of those microscopic flowers we sometimes see in weeds and to some of the colourless varieties, or those with only one colour like the buttercup. They are all beautiful in their own right, because Christ is the author - but not all have attained to the purpose for which they were created, for they chose a lesser path.
I hope this essay has helped those of you who have been asking questions recently about submission in echad polygamy. The key understanding lies in the return of Eve back to her Adam and what exactly that implies. It is a beautiful concept and experience - but it can only have any meaning for those called to live this way.
And one other important qualifier, lest there be a misunderstanding that leads to idolatry: the fact that a woman is to surrender to her husband as believers surrender to Christ does not mean that the husband replaces Christ for the wife - he does not become her 'Christ' or 'Saviour'. No human being is capable of saving another in the same way that Christ saves men. A husband cannot therefore say to his wife (as I know one 'patriarch' has falsely claimed): 'I am as Christ to you'. No! For that is not only idolatry but blasphemy too. Husbands and wives are co-equals in the reception of grace and salvation for both aquire it on exactly the same terms of faith and surrender. In salvation there is no male or female, black or white, bond or free (Galatians 3:28). The power of redempion lies in no man, save in the Man from Nazareth. However, when it comes to the final Judgment and the distribution of rewards to the saved, Yahweh shall treat each marriage as one Adam. Eve will not be judged by her own works for they will be considered as Adam's. It is the husband who judges the wife as her head - not according to the flesh, but the spirit (John 8:15-16). As the judgment of Christ is the judgment of the Father, so a husband submitted to Christ will judge according to the righteousness of Christ and not his flesh (John 5:30). The only judgment that Eve will receive from Yahweh is whether or not she obeyed her husband in everything or not: and if she did not, she will not pass with him to the glory given to him. And if Adam is judged faithless, she will be taken from him and given to one more worthy of her (cp. the parable of the talents). See my second wife's prophetic dream.
The biblical tavnith (pattern) is unmistakable. It repeats itself again and again. But woe unto the man who judges unrighteous judgment! (John 7:24) He is given no licence to be an arbitrary tyrant. Rather, when it comes to the judgment of Eve, he will be judged according to his own judgment of her! This means, therefore, that by virtue of the authority of a husband over his wife, his judgment shall be the stricter.
What of the liberal wife who demands to be co-equal with the man in authority, or of the liberal man who refuses to expect submission from his wives? In judging all such matters you have only to look at the parallel: what if the Church/Messianic Community demanded to be co-equal with Christ? And what if Christ refused submission from the Church/Messianic Community? In answering these questions you have the answer to the others.
Of course, if a husband demands obedience from his wife but does not love her, he cannot expect to be loved by her in return. And if she loves him, because she sees the love of Christ in him, will she not (as a good lady friend of mine recently said) want to do everything that he desires of her? The love that she sees in her husband for Christ - his dedication to Yahweh, the goodness of his heart - will she not, if she is a godly woman, wish to throw herself at his feet as the Church/Messianic Community desires to throw herself at the feet of Christ? For whilst a husband has a legitimate expectation that his wife should obey him in all things, it will never be animated by the eternally binding power of love until she sees the love of Christ in her husband, which is his calling. Only when the outer (the required submission of the wife) and the inner (the required love of the husband) mutually embrace can there be true joy. It will be the wife's willingness to unconditionally give herself to her husband that will soften his heart, because she will be endowed with the Holy Spirit and be filled with sweetness, gentleness, quietness, and all the fruits of the Spirit, and it will be this that melts him. That is why Paul admonished believing wives to win the hearts of their unbelieving husbands - not by words but by silent deeds. Most of us never hear the Spirit speak to us audibly - that divine female presence is enough to still, comfort and assure us. That is the glory and power of female principle. It is irresistable to all save those who are utterly depraved. It has conquered more hearts than the tongue of women or sword of men ever could.
This principle of the quiet and gently disposed wife is raised elsewhere in 1 Corithians 14:34, and the authority of this is Torah. The submissive nature of her relationship to her husband (and not necessarily to men in general) hearkens back to the creation. Torah, moreover, gives the husband the authority to revoke any vows his wife has made, such is his authority. She is never to challenge her husband in public or before others but to take her requests to him privately at home, and in that quiet and gentle spirit which is the sign that she is submitted to Yahweh. All her actions are to reflect the divine order that exists in the relationship of Christ to the Church (Messianic Community). Thus she should never give grounds for anyone to believe that the bridegroom is being led around by the bride. The principle of submission is used by Paul as a warning to the women not to quiz, question, or interrogate the prophets as to their orthodoxy in the Assembly, but again to ask their husbands at home. To judge the prophets would place them in a position of authority over the prophets. It is the responsibility of their husbands, as leaders, to question any unorthodoxy (1 Corinthians 14:35). Men and women are not to be homogenised but the spirit of the two genders sharply differentiated. Holy angels are watching our behaviour (1 Corinthians 11:10) and reporting back to Yahweh.
One sister wrote this interesting testimony:
Another sister, reflecting back on her life in Christ, relates:
"When God showed me His order - man as servant-leader and the wife as his helpmeet, [being] silent in the worship services was a relief. Before I understood this truth, I felt obligated to speak up because I thought that was my 'Christian duty or responsibility'. After speaking I would feel agitated - 'Did I say too much?' 'Did I make sense?' But when I embraced God's order, I no longer felt I had to prove my spirituality with words. Submission to God's order was what He required of me. When I am under God's authority, I am also under His divine protection, and to me this is true freedom of worship!"
This sister writes:
"My memories are of sincere men and precious ladies -- so content in their understanding of Scripture ... [The women] were content, supportive, respectful to their husbands. Their inner beauty was evident ... they certainly left me with a lasting impression of their strength, contentment and love."
Finally, this sister writes:
"I love to listen to my husband teach. I enjoy listening to and participating in the theological talks around my kitchen table. I ask thought provoking questions and often help him in his thinking process as he hashes through some points of scripture. Yet, I do not teach or have a desire to teach [him].
"It is not a question of ability, but one of where I fit into God's plan or order. I submit willingly to His plan ... and focus my attention on striving to be the best wife and mother I can and helping my husband realize his full potential as leader of our household ... My outlet for teaching comes in interaction with my kids, helping a less experienced mother with parenting, "wifing" and homemaking skills and in counselling a sister in a problem that relates to the path down which the Lord has already taken me.
"I am doing the things the Lord set up for me as a quiet worker at home. So much of my time is spent doing the things I know for certain scripturally God has commanded women that I have no desire to [exert authority] ... I gladly leave that to the men and rejoice as they grow and mature following the plan God has laid out for them."
Successful marriage lies in following biblical gender rôles
"In our family Jonathan is the outgoing one, so it is easy for me to sit back and let him take the lead. But I have noticed in families where the wife would (personality-wise) be the leader, because she [observes the godly order of submission and quietness], the husband of the family will take the lead and not feel threatened. I have had women come to me ... expressing such gratitude that their husband has felt free to share because that is not their natural inclination. The women have seen growth in their husbands as leaders, that they have longed for.
"The positive changes in the women have been gratifying too. The women who would typically be the outgoing one in their families but who really want their husbands to be leader are learning how to step back. They are finding that if they can learn and listen and wait, [that] the Lord can do mighty things".
This is actually a very serious issue with far reaching consequences regardless of how it is applied. When Eve tries to exert authority in any way over a godly husband, she crushes him and, albeit unconsciously at times, forces him down a female path which is unnatural for him and which emasculates him and quenches the Holy Spirit out of him. The issue is not really whether the husband or wife is right or wrong over an issue that is being discussed, but whether the Spirit of Yahweh still has place in their souls! When a woman steps beyond her authority, she becomes male and the feeling a man has towards her in their marital union is not at all unlike homosexuality - he is revolted and repulsed.
Women must learn that the only way they can ever fulfil their godly rôle, especially if by nature they are outward-going, is to step back, just as the husband must stand back when he tries to force his will with the Elohim (God). As men we can only make requests to Yahweh, not demands. And of the woman the same truth applies: she may request, not demand. For both this means stepping back and patiently waiting. And consider this: if Yahweh causes us to wait over certain issues or questions, do you think it is because of love or malice? Is it because He is arbitrary and unreasonable? Or is it maybe because He is waiting for an attitude change to enable true echad union to take place with Him?
A wife needs to remember these things in her relationship to her husband too. His calling is not a choice but an obligation, as is hers. Yahweh has sovereignly implanted male principle on the men and female principle in the women for a reason which we may possibly not understand now but which we must nevertheless yield to if we are to be happy and at peace. Many men, as is true, do not want this kind of responsibility, and many women in their turn do not want to be owned and controlled by their husbands. But this is really not the issue: the issue, plainly stated, is whether you wish to be in Yahweh's will and to move in His Spirit or not.
An aggressive, dominating and controlling female is as revolting to heaven as a weak, feeble, and spineless man who will not lead. Equally revolting is any form of rebellion against the divine order, for rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft (1 Sam.15:23). Many a man and woman have sold their souls over issues unrelated to those that heaven consideres important. People will argue and fall out over matters which, though perhaps important in certain contexts, are irrelevent when it comes to whether one is walking in the peace of the Ruach (Spirit) or not. The Way of Christ is a walk, not an exercise in scoring doctrinal points. It is primarily a way of being and in the end even the men do not need to say anything. Has it ever crossed our minds why Yahweh in fact uses so few words to us? Why is He not in direct verbal conversation with us each and every day? Might it be that we have a tendency to get lost in words and forget the spirit which is supposed to undergird them? And if this spiritual undergirding is so important to Him -- as it must be given this is the way he consistently behaves - might we not be wise to seek after that spirit with all our souls before anything else?
A domineering and controlling woman assumes a male rôle
which repells a man because of its homosexual-like spirit
I am sure it will not have escaped your notice that one of the weakness that women have is in talking. Not that there is anything wrong with talking or communicating but there is a tendency in the fairer sex to waste time talking nonsense or using words to manipulate and exercise unrighteous dominion over others. If that is a tendency you have, try being quiet and listening to the Spirit within instead. Contentment is not predicated on the number of words we speak but in the inner harmony bequeathed us by submitting to Yahweh and to those in legitimate authority over us. It follows from this that men have to learn much of the female principle themselves in order to be properly subjected to Christ, and by learning this principle they not only please the Elohim (God) but ultimately qualify themselves to be the heavenly rulers of their wives, which is their calling. He has a unique privilege to understand women in a way that women can never fully understand men. The male principle will always, to some extent, be a mystery to the ladies, save in those instances where they are called to exercise authority as, for example, teachers of children or other women. If the principle that I have been elucidating is true, morever, then as Yahweh's thoughts are not as men's, then men's thoughts will not be as women's. And as we realise the futility in trying to prize open the mind of Yahweh, so women will, if they are walking in their God-ordained rôles, discover the futility in expecting the same of godly husbands. Certainly they will be able to see through and understand the carnal man, but the spiritual man will in all likelihood remain a mystery to her.
Most of the fears and terrors we experience derive from spiritual conditions that shut out the Holy Spirit. These may either be in ourselves because of personal choices, or in those who ought to be exercising godly headship over us but who have descended into tyranny. Brutal fathers, mothers, husbands and wives are the cause of most of the evil in this world and the judgment on their heads is too terrifying to even contemplate. Is it any wonder that seven times as many women will be saved as men? And is it any wonder that Yahweh has provided polygamy not so much as a remedy but as the natural order in Heaven? He knew before He even sent us down here what would happen. He knew of the terrible gamble it is to be a man, for men rather than women are more likely to turn away from righteousness. Neither is it any accident that the Holy Spirit is the feminising principle, the Comforter, the Restorer, sent by Yahweh for the salvation of men and women. And women by disposition respond more easily to Her. I will not say this is a female universe but I will say this: that Yahweh, in His justice and love, has exalted the female principle to occupy a place of glory and honour in the redemption of man, for she is the power that is released in all souls who put their faith in Yah'shua the Messiah (Jesus Christ) and obey His Torah. No work of Yahweh can ever be accomplished without this female principle, which brings us into proper realisation of our true station and shows us the means to peace and joy with Elohim (God) and with all mankind. And I, for one, will always honour and praise it.
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