My name is Isabel. I am Stan's second wife.
I would like to share my thoughts on a subject that now fills
me with great joy. Christian Plural Marriage. I said - now fills me with great
joy - because it hasn't always been like this. I have gone through
every feeling: jealousy, fear, anger and every other feeling that is possible
I was my husband's second wife, but since his first wife had
left him before I came to live with them, I soon felt like a monogamous wife, and
very soon thought: "This is how I want to live". That led me to believe
that "this is how it should be" ........ believe me, a dangerous thought. I
started to think with my "worldly thoughts" - what I wanted became the
main issue. I forgot Elohim's (God's) laws, and I was blinded. I tried to
justify my so-called monogamous marriage, and thought that the two of us
could do a lot of good. I said to myself: "Together we can serve God and our
And yes, for a lot of people - for most people -- that would be
correct. They can - just the two of them - do alot of good. But my husband was
called to be a Patriarch and I was called to be a sister-wife. A patriarch who is called to live Christian Plural Marriage is called to live a life that is a picture of the marriage between Christ and his Church (Messianic Community). If we people of the earth can't love each other, how can we
then love our Lord? And, it is the same with plural marriage. That we love our husband just isn't good enough, we must also love each other, otherwise our love towards our husband isn't pure. It's selfish.
Have you ever thought something like: "I can live with the fact that he has other
wives as long as I can live my own life." The only thing you want to be sure of
is that he loves you, and your children. So you accept that he has other wives without really wanting to get to know them properly, and you want to be sure that the love you share with him is special. The love you share with him should be special, but believe me, when you get to know your sister-wives and share your husband's love for them, then the family becomes a oneness instead of many little selfish units. And that is what Elohim (God) intended for Christian Plural Marriage.
I have seen the beauty of Christian Plural Marriage in a dream and it is the most beautiful dream I have ever had. I dreamt I was in heaven - or more correctly - we, all the sister-wives of Stan were in heaven. It felt as if we had just arrived because we were all very happy about seeing each other again. Stan wasn't among us but still our love for each other was perfect. It was not just his love that could keep us together. We loved each other as sister-wives and we were a united family. I could see the sister-wives that I have now, but I saw many more and many children, and we were all one.
We were all full of joy because we were happy to see each other, and at the same time peaceful. When the question was raised: "Where is Stan?" I knew, and I could feel that the others knew the same: Stan was with Yahweh and stood before Him before he could come back to us. He, a Patriarch, the head of the family had to stand before Yahweh before he could come back to us, but we, his wives were united before he joined us, and we were all waiting for him.
A Patriarch will never love one wife more than the others, not anymore then a parent can love a child more than the other. Each child is different, and maybe one is more demanding than the other, but we love them just as much. A parent could never say to a child: "If you do as I say, I will love you more then your brother or sister". What kind of a parent would that be?!
Unfortunately, parents like that do exist and we have many bad examples. We bring these fears and feelings into our marriage - and when we doubt we blame plural marriage. But as we will see plural marriage does not produce fear, but love - because it is founded in Christ.
One of the most dangerous mistakes a new bride can make is to think that her husbands love depends of how much sex they have. Love is not dependant on sex, far from it, and if a bride falls into that trap she will always doubt his love. Or it might be the other way around, if a new bride is younger then the rest she might think that she is more attractive to her husband because she is young and 'sexier'. This way she will get stuck in selfishness, and her spiritual growth is in danger.
If you can see Christian Plural Marriage for what it is, you will never again struggle with jealousy. Jealousy is selfish: "He loves her more then me", or "he spends more time with her then with me", etc., but what are we actually saying; "I want a bigger part of him then the others". Your first reaction to this might be: "Oh no, I would never say or feel anything like that - I might be jealous, but it is not selfish." But think about it - what is jealousy? Isn't it all the other feelings put together - you doubt his love! you are angry because you think he spends more time with another wife, or you fear that he doesn't love you enough. Others have something, or you think they have more of something you want.
The spirit can't grow in any of the aforementioned conditions - anger, fear, jealousy, selfishness - each for different reasons. One is not worse or 'better' than the other, because they all stop you from growing. These are doubts and fears that we bring with us from a worldly life and we put them into a godly principle that isn't built on any of these feelings - so when you mix them there will be chaos. Black can not be mixed with white; because it either turns grey and you will always live in fear - or the black will be so dominant that the white will be strangled. You have to throw the black out, all of it, so that the white can remain pure. Christian Plural Marriage is pure white, it is based on Christ and his love.
The strongest love, the pure love of Christ, is spiritual. That is why we can love our sister-wives just as much as our husband. Pure love is not dependant on any physical manifestation. Pure love is knowing that we belong to Christ, our husband and each other, and that we serve each other. Love is service, not selfishness.
A Patriarch loves us because we are heavenly creatures, not whether we are slim, blonde, sexy, better cooks, have special talents etc. - he loves us for our spirits. Even if we were separated by distance on earth, or death, he would love us just as much as any other wife. Remember that -- Whether we spend 24 hours with our husband every day, or twelve, or two - or none - it doesn't matter. He loves everyone just as much - because we belong together.
And as I saw in my dream, it filled me with joy to know that our family would grow. Have you ever been in a little congregation, and wanted it to grow? Every new soul that is brought to Christ brings joy in heaven. It's the same with Christian Plural Marriage. Every new bride brings joy to the whole family. Every day struggles might appear for a while, but when you learn to love and appreciate each other, the ring of love gets bigger. A new bride shouldn't feel that she alone has to adjust to all the others - we all have to 'adjust' to the laws of heaven. When we live according to the heavenly laws we will learn to see each others strength, and our love radius expands.