1. The Testimony of Nature
I remember years ago, when I was an student of science at Białystok University, wondering about that marvel of divine engineering called the atom. From an early age I was fascinated by the patterns we find in nature, and as my interest in Elohim (God) slowly awakened, so I began to see parallels between human relationships and the way Yahweh, our Father in Heaven, put the physical creation together. We often call nature Yahweh's 'Second Bible', for just as the painting of a master artist tells us something about the artist, so nature, which is a three dimenensional work of art, tells us something about the Cosmic Artist. It was not long before I learned, after coming to Christ, that almost everything we see in nature is a shadow or a type of a heavenly reality.
2. Monogamy vs. Polygamy?
Most of us in our Greco-Roman Western culture have been conditioned into thinking of all sexual relationships in terms of the monogamous male:female one. And though we know that even in such a simple and straightforward arrangement there may be said to be all kinds of 'chemistries', depending on the personalities of the participants, Christians have insisted that there is basically only one type of sexuality, what we rather broadly call 'heterosexuality', or the attraction of the opposite sexes. The Bible is very explicit in repudiating and condemning what we have come to label as 'homosexual' and 'lesbian' (though neither of these are biblical words, any more than 'monogamous' and 'polygamous' are). The Old Covenant Torah declares the man:man and woman:woman sexual liason to be an abomination and little different in its perversity to human:animal liasons. And I suppose, were 'monogamy' the only form of marriage acknowledged in the Bible the debate on different kinds of 'sexuality' would be at an end. Unfortunately for the monogamy-only proponents, the Bible nowhere defines marriage as the sexual union of but one man with one woman: rather, biblical marriage (that which is sanctioned and approved by Yahweh) is the union of one man with one or more women, the limit to the number of women being the man's ability to spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically provide for them. And knowing the human tendency to greed, a caveat is added in Torah: men are not to multiply their wives "to excess".
3. Where Do the Boundaries of Intimacy Lie?
Now unless you hermetically seal the wives in a polygamous marriage off from one another by either having them live in separate homes or, if they are all living under one roof, severely curtailing all male:female physical affection where more than one woman is present, there is no way that wives in a polygamous marriage can avoid a certain degree of physical intimacy. Moreover, depending on their mental-emotional-spiritual makeup, you will find that some women are more physically affectionate than others towards one another. Every polygamous marriage - at least of the type which we at HEM advocate wherein all the wives live under one roof - will be mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically as different as the different personalities it is made of. And before long questions start to arise as to just where the boundaries lie in the female:female relationships.
As you examine the various ministries and webpages that advocate Christian/Messianic polygamous marriage you will become aware of the fact that there are many different approaches to this question. Some insist that female:female contact should be kept to the barest minimum (and advocate what we at MEM call 'multiple monogamy') and others believe that it should be as full as that which obtains in the male:female relationship (namely, a full bisexual relationship between the females). And then there are those who say it is a matter of choice between all those involved in the plural marriage which they must work out for themselves.
4. What The Torah Says ... or Doesn't Say
As you will see in the articles that follow this introduction, the Law of Yahweh (the Torah) nowhere condemns female:female unions within polygamous marriage whilst at the same time says nothing about female:female unions at all. The only legal restriction would appear to be that in forming such unions that the parties be (a) married, and (b) are not 'exchanging' this kind of relationship for the normal and natural function of sex which is procreation in a male:female relationship. On this basis, bisexual women have stood forward, with some support from men, declaring that it is their right and privilege to engage in female:female sex with their sister-wives provided that they are attracted to their husband, and have sex with him in the heterosexual sense, and provided that the latter is their primary sexual mode.
5. A Rift in the Christian Polygamy Movement
Because this question was starting to cause a major division in the Christian Polygamy Movement, I was approached to make a judgment on behalf of this ministry. Is heterosexual marriage the only form of sexual union permitted in polygamous marriage, or is it simple a matter for the wives to choose a heterosexual or bisexual path? Broadly speaking there are those who say 'heterosexual relationships only' and those who say 'it's up to you'. I think most were surprised, therefore, when I started intimating that neither were necessarily abolutely right and that there was a third answer to their question.
6. My Personal Discovery
For the most part, Christian/Messianic polygamists have been addressing the issue of bisexuality from the point-of-view of effects rather than causes. When asked questions about the conditions of divorce, Yah'shua (Jesus) shifted the focus of his questioners from mere legalities and addressed the more important question of what divorce is spiritually. The answer He gave stunned his audience - he said that when a man desires another man's wife (or vice versa) that he commits adultery in his heart.
7. Does 'Anything Go' Within Marriage?
The questions surrounding bisexuality have really therefore more to do with pure vs. impure sex and therefore the condition of our hearts. One of the excuses made by some bisexual women is that when it comes to sex, 'anything goes' within the marriage relationship, because the marriage bed is "not defiled". It doesn't. Even within marriage one can have pure and impure sex, and this not only in terms of the type of physical sex one has but in one's whole spiritual and emotional approach.
I give you an illustration to make my point. One couple came to me for counselling because they were having marriage problems. When making love, the wife was fantasising about her ex-boyfriend and the husband was aware that she wasn't 'really there', and this hurt him. The act of sex was, of course, perfectly lawful (since they were regularly married, having made a life-long commitment in the presence of witnesses) but the mental and feeling attitude was without a doubt sinful. It turned out that she had demon problems from a previous life of promiscuous sex - a life which had never been properly confessed (a requirement before marriage can be entered into). Her outwardly legal marriage relationship was, as a result, highly polluted as well as being spiritually adulterous.
From this we are easily able to deduce that the only spiritually acceptable sexual union between man and woman is if the head- and heart-desire is for union with each other. The goal of marriage is always spiritual union between man and wife which may, or may not, lead to physical conception (a child) which is its physical end. In the same way, the goal of Torah (the Law of Yahweh) is always Christ, who is depicted in the New Testament as bringing Torah to completion (and not its annihilation). This act and/or process is described as an allegorical marriage between the Bridegroom (Christ) and the Bride (His polygamous Bride, the Church or Messianic Community). No other kind of union exists in the spiritual sphere.
Now this might well be interpreted to mean that the heterosexual-only argument has won the day, and in one way it does, but in another way it doesn't. For we read in the High Priestly Prayer of Yah'shua (Jesus) in the Garden of Gethsemane, immediately before His arrest, He asks His Heavenly Father, Yahweh, that the same kind of unity (echad) that exists between the members of the Godhead may also obtain between the disciples, and between the disciples and Christ. This is, of course, an entirely spiritual (non-sexual) relationship but is nevertheless an allegory of a literal, physical, sexual, polygamous marriage.
In other words, what we learn from this is that in polygamy there is a physical relationship between sister-wives just as there is a physical relationship between husband and wives, but that it is DIFFERENT, because the relationship between the saints cannot be the same as that between the saints and Christ. This is the thesis of echad polygamy.
The diagram on the right illustrates what I am trying to say, and is taken from the third article in this series, Female Bisexuality Revisited. In short, it is saying that there are two permitted forms of Christian/Messianic polygamy which, for a want of better terms, I have called 'multiple monogamy' (or 'simple polygyny') which basically consists of minimum physical contact between sister-wives (and is what obtains in the majority of non-bisexual marriages), and 'echad polygamy'. The thesis is that sister-wives may, if they choose, to have an intimate physical relationship, but that is is not lesbian or bisexual in either spirit or content. This is something that, moreover, that grows out of a 'simple polygyny' relationship but is not there initially. If it is there initially it is, in all likelihood, lesbianism.
9. The Lesbian Roots of Bisexuality
Bisexuality may be defined as a kind of 'half way house' between heterosexuality and lesbianism. In fact, it is literally 'bi' or 'two' - the woman feels attracted to women in the same way as she feels attracted to men. She may therefore be having sex with a sister-wife she is 'in love with', and be content (as she supposes), in the same way she may be having sex with her husband she is 'in love with', and be content (as she supposes). When she is performing the latter she is in 'lesbian mode' and is as content not to have her husband present - or to have him as the goal of her union - as she is to unite with him. Either goes for her.
10. Five Causes of Lesbianism
I became involved in homosexual/lesbian ministry about 15 years ago and discovered early on that the roots of these are entirely abnormal and (at the risk of giving offence ... but the truth must out) demon-mediated. I also discovered that homosexuality and lesbianism usually has one of five origins:
That many believe they are "born" homosexual or lesbian is often the result of demon-mediated curses that are passed onto us through our ancestors who may have been involved in the occult, Satanism, Wicca, or related practices. The causes can be multiple.
- (a) experimentation with same-sex sex;
- (b) homosexual/lesbian rape;
- (c) involvement with the occult such as Wicca or Satanism;
- (d) dysfunctional relationships with a dominating/absent father or mother; and
- (e) generational curses (inherited sins).
11. What Makes Polygamous Bisexuality OK?
Homosexuality and lesbianism can be healed through either psychiatry or deliverance ministry. And the same is true of bisexuality. If, as bisexual Bible-believing Christian/Messianic women in polygamy are forced to concede (because that is what Torah unambiguously states) that same-sex sex between homosexuals and lesbians is an abomination which excludes them from the Kingdom of Elohim (God) - and given that sex is more than a mere 'act' but also a spiritual mindframe with the unique goal of union - then why should bisexuality in women suddenly become 'OK' in Christian/Messianic polygamy? What makes them any different from bisexual men or bisexual women living a promiscious life? For the Bible nowhere says that male:male or female:female relationships are conditionally acceptable (i.e. it's OK within polygynous marriage but an abomination outside it, in spite of the silence of scripture)! Do bisexual women not come into polygamy with the same lusts and desires as those who, for example, enter polyamorous relationships (where, say, two bisexual men and two bisexual women promise fidelity to each other)? And is not the latter polyfidelity marriage classified as an abomination in Scripture? The only difference between the two is that in Christian/Messianic polygyny the bisexual woman has one husband instead of two (or more).
Many questions arise from this scenario. If the feelings and sexual attractions are the same in both, where is the justice of Elohim (God) to be found? And the answer is - this is the wrong question because the feelings and sexual attractions are WRONG.
The Two Roots of True Christian Polygamy
If Christian/Messianic polygyny is correct (as we know from the Bible that it is), then it is correct because of two different complimentary things:
12. All True Marriage Must Begin Heterosexual
- (1) It is right because it is a lifelong (or eternal) committment based on covenant - that is a question of moral will; and
- (2) It is right because of the nature of the feelings and sexual attractions involved which must be different from the feelings and sexual attractions engendered in other forms of relationship (such as 'swinging', casual homosexual/lesbian relationships, and other forms of 'polyfidelity').
Just as the Christian/Messianic life must begin as a 1:1 relationship between the Saviour and the saved, so all marriage - whether monogamous or polygamous must begin as purely heterosexual - a 1:1 relationship between a man and a woman, or between one man and several women. Whatever evolves or grows out of that heterosexual relationship between husband and wife/wives must always have as its base, object, and goal the union of female to male. Just as the relationship between the saints spiritually is to be secondary to the primary spiritual union of the saints to Christ in allegorical marriage, so any female:female relationship in Christian/Messianic polygamy must always be secondary to the primary union of the wives to their husband and have that union constantly in view. What that means in practice is that there is no true Christian/Messianic relationship in the spirit between two believers if they are not in continuous primary relationship to Christ, so there can be no union between two sister-wives without that continuous primary union with the husband. Which would mean in practice that if two women were sisters in Christ, but had not found a husband to share, there would be no sexual attraction between them - whereas two bisexual women can be attracted to one another sexually without a man in view.
13. Echad vs. Bisexual Polygamy
This constitutes the main difference between bisexual union in Christian/Messianic polygamy and echad union in Christian/Messianic polygamy. The nature of the female:female union in echad polygamy will vary from one family to another, depending on the degree of their union with Christ and the degree of their union with their husband. It may have no physical contact, some physical contact, or a lot of physical contact, but the object of such female:female contact will not be the same kind of spiritual union as obtains in the union between male and female, but will be defined exclusively by that latter union.
14. Renouncing Ungodly Bonds
What does this mean for Christian/Messianic bisexual women? It means, very simply, starting again. It means renouncing the ungodly psychic, emotional, and sexual attachments between sister-wives, undergoing counselling and deliverance ministry, and starting as heterosexuals. Practically speaking, the women should stay physically apart for at least a year as 'lesbian celibates' (the minimum time I recommend people spend in celibacy before remarrying or marrying having had a previous sexual relationship in order to get 'spiritually focussed'). Obviously this kind of separation without deliverance and inner healing is going to be pretty meaningless so the two must take place hand-in-hand. During this year the women will focus their minds, hearts, and sexuality on their husband alone. They should probably have sex with him alone initially, at least until the lesbian tendency has been cleaned out, and then if they later want to come together with him menage ā trois, that will be up to them. The husband will have to carefully monitor this and instruct them. Consecrating all sexual activity beforehand in prayer is a recommended procedure for everyone, no matter whether they have a bisexual background or not.
15. The Book of Nature
What is echad union between two sister-wives and their husband? And how did I learn about it? It was a combination of Torah and the Book of Nature that taught me, and in particular, atomic chemistry. Heterosexual and bisexual women alike will, I hope, find this spiritually exciting. For those of you who don't know too much about physical chemistry, I will try to keep it simple.
16. The Mystery of the Atom
Atoms consist of three basic types of particle: heavy neutrons (0 - with no charge), heavy protons (+ or male) and very light electrons (- or female). Electrons revolve around a nucleus consisting of combinations of protons and neutrons packed closely together so that to all intents and purposes they are a single particle with a + or male charge. The lightest atom consists of only one proton (+) and one electron (-) which is hydrogen, the basic fuel of the sun and stars, which is a reflection of the monogamy principle of one man (+ proton) and one wife (- electron). As atoms get heavier, the number of electrons increase and the charge on the nucleus increases - rather like a sun with more and more planets being added to a solar system. But, unlike our solar system (as far as we know), where a single planet occupies a single orbit, atomic orbits (called orbitals) consists of pairs of electrons which perfectly balance each other out. Thus were our solar system to be an atom, there would be two earths in our terrestrial orbit on opposite sides of the sun. There would be two Mercurys, two Venus', two Jupiters, etc..
As the atom gets larger, so the shape of the orbitals changes (see diagram opposite). Groups of orbitals are arranged into what are called shells. These are reflective of the many different kinds of female:female relationships that are possible in Christian/Messianic polygamy. Unlike the solar system, however, electrons - though they revolve, as Bohr proposed, at a fixed distance from the nucleus, do not revolve in the same plane. Furthermore, they move at such great speed that they form what is called an electron cloud which appears as a sphere (in a simple orbital such as in Helium) or more complex shapes (as you can see in the diagram). No matter how large the atom, however, electrons always stay together in pairs - what we in echad polygamy call the 'twin sister-wife principle', meaning that - just as in non-married life girls and women tend to go around in exclusive pairs, so in plural marriage similar relationships form. And if, as we believe, women are only called to marry a particular man because that is Yahweh's will and because they belong to him, having come from him in the pre-mortal life, then such twinships will soon be discovered and take place. The kind of attraction between these twins is not dissimilar to that experienced by two bisexual women only it is not on the basis of lesbianism but the echad principle. This is something that former bisexuals will be able to more readily appreciate than many heterosexual women who are, because of their Western upbringing, suspicious of any kind of female:female closeness out of fear of 'lesbian contamination'. However, this principle is quite natural and part of the structure of matter.
The electrons move so fast around the nucleus that not only does the nucleus become invisible but the electrons themselves cease being wholly particles and are described instead as a wave. Indeed, they are both particles and waves (the latter is described mathematically by the Schrödinger Wave Equation). This perfectly reflects the echad or oneness mystery of plural marriage for the plural wives of a husband are both separate individuals and a single 'wife'. Viewed from the outside, an atom is a single entity ... and yet we know it consists of several parts. It is the same principle behind the Godhead which consists of three Persons in One Echad or Unity.
17. The Mystery of Seven Wives
On the molecular level, believers are joined together by the Holy Spirit which in Scripture is always female and consists of seven persons, just as atoms are joined together by an exchange of electrons, and just as we are told in Isaiah 4:1 the ideal polygamous marriage consists (in the millennium) of seven wives to one man. (For an exposition of the septenary principle as a quaternary and ternary, see Article #152 before reading on ...).
Needless to say all aspects of Christian polygamy find their reflection on the atomic level, a subject too vast and deep to go into here. The point I am trying to make is that in natural echad polygamy women find natural affinities in pairs, threesomes and foursomes, beginning always in pairs or opposites. Thus in my own marriage, two of my wives represent opposites (twins or pairs) on one level and the third a balancing factor. They not only spiritually illuminate each other but me also, showing me different aspects of Christ which I cannot see alone, and vice versa (the blue triangle). My three wives form three pairs. The quaternary mode (red square) consists of four wives in a 6-pair relationship, and link with the ternary mode wives (green lines) to form another 10 pair relationships, making a total of 19 pair relationships. The husband in turn creates 7 primary pair relationships with each of his wives (purple lines). Each of these 26 pair relationships is unique and combine into a multitude of forms, making the relationship - when properly balanced according to Torah - a wonderfully beautiful and deep relationship. To these 26 pairs add Christ, and you have 27, or the numeric 9 (2+7), or the mystical number 333 which corresponds in Hebrew to 'snow' or 'purity'. For a really deep exposition, see The Cosmic Principle. Needless to say it is much more complicated than this as the husband forms a relationship not only with each wife individually but with pairs of wives too. It is part and parcel of the mystery of echad.
The heart of the Christian/Messianic marriage is relationship - relationship with Elohim (God) through Christ, and relationship with one another. And the deepest form of relationship possible between humans is marriage. When lived correctly, using the echad formula, the relationship depth increases dramatically.
19. The Bisexual Christian Woman's Three Choices
The choice for bisexual women is basically threefold:
Are you a bisexual woman interested in Echad Polygamy?
- 1. Renounce the lesbianism of bisexuality and join or revert to a 'simple polygyny' family ... the only trouble with this is that many bisexual women enter polygamy simply because it offers them a lesbian relationship with sister-wives ... take this away and replace it with no lesbianism and the attraction to polygamy may vanish;
- 2. Remain bisexual, never know the spiritual depths of echad polygamy, remain in bondage to demonic forces, and possibly risk your eternal salvation; or
- 3. Renounce the lesbianism of bisexuality and embrace echad polygamy, an infinitely deeper and more spiritually satisfying way to live, with profoundly satisfying female:female relationships with eternal content.
Click the image above to find out more in Part 2