Two days ago, on the Sabbath, I underwent a deliverance session with my friend and mentor for the issues of loneliness and lust. My issue specifically was trying to find out why I experienced a lot of sexual tension when even looking at pictures of members of the opposite sex. For some reason, I was unable to see them as sisters in Messiah, but instead viewed them all as potential wives, no matter how hard I tried. But ultimately, Yah'shua healed me and I am now able to view them with much purer eyes than I was before.

What came up in the session surprised me. I found out there was a subconscious desire to have sex with them to feel some emotional connection. This explains a lot of the sexual tension that seemed uncontrollable, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it. The issue stemmed originally with my mother, who was often aloof in my life and didn't give me the attention I needed but was quick and militant to make sure I yielded to her demands. I found in the session I actually hated her, something I didn't know was there before. I also had a father who had little to no involvement in my life and much mirrored my mother and her dictates. In writing this, I don't mean to say they were bad parents. Quite the contrary, I think they did the best they knew how. But I found that my mother's lack of involvement but heavy, militant orders and my father's passive role had totally subverted my psyche and made me desire the beck and call of women.

To the biblically discerning believer, this is in violation of Torah and pure biblical patriarchy. Man was created to rule over the woman (Gen. 3). Lest this be abused, Paul tells us that man likewise was created to love His wife as Messiah does the church (Eph. 5:25-32). There is a pure biblical form of government and it isn't the feminism rampant in the world and its churches today. Likewise, it isn't the male sadomasochism frequent among "fundamentalists" in relation to their wives. True biblical headship is the wife's submission to the husband when he's in Torah.

What's the opposite of this?

In the Bible, we have the example of King Herod falling under the voluntary "headship" of his wife Herodias (Mark 6:14-29)). This is the same sin Adam fell into when he yielded to Eve and Eve likewise to Satan (Gen. 3). In these instances, man fell under the "headship" of a woman and reaped the consequences. Herod fell under a foolish oath (which Torah did give him the right to renounce -- see Lev. 5:14-13) and behead John the Baptist and Adam's subversion led to the Fall. Ever since then, man has had to face the sorrow of a woman who tries to take over man's position in Creation and woman the sorrow of a man who dominates to the point of squashing the human spirit. The necessary element is making sure both are in Messiah, which enables them to both be in perfect echad (oneness), with each other and in Messiah.

So what exactly was the case with my mother? As I mentioned, she had totally dominated me and controlled every aspect of my life, while at the same time being aloof from those important parts of my life. There was no intimacy, only rules. She played the role my father refused to play. Because my father was the harsh disciplinarian growing up, I always came to her for comfort and to escape him. She gave me the deliverance I needed all right, but at a cost -- unyielding obedience. She scared me from the world and would rarely let me go out and mingle among it -- that was the big issue. I was usually in my room a lot, obeying this very rule, lonely, had nothing else to do. And when I was compliant to this rule, I was offered safety, yes, but not intimacy. Because as soon as I obeyed her and stayed in my room, never going out, she never provided me the intimacy I wanted but was off doing her own thing. But as soon as I tried to break this rule many times in the past, all hell broke loose.

KM (http://www.nccg.org/deliverance/demons02-Hecate.html) once taught me an important principle. She told me the pattern I described above is typical of Hecate, a queen demoness. She used the example of the black widow spider. In nature, the male spider will walk across the web in an attempt to mate with the black widow. Depending upon how the wave the male walks depends on the black widows response. If it sends the wrong vibes, the black widow will mistake it for prey and eat the male. But if it sends the right ones, the male will be able to cross the web to mate. However, in the end, he is digested. Such it was with my mother and the women after her. As long as I played by the right vibe, I would please my mother, even though in the end, her demons had my spiritual destruction in mind. And because my father didn't exercise righteous biblical patriarchy, but in fact, mirrored my mother, his entire system was subverted due to his own submissiveness to her, instead of my mother mirroring him had he been Torah compliant and practiced patriarchy. My father became, thus, female (in principle) and I became female (in principle) under my mother's headship.

This is not the way its supposed to be, because such leads to unnatural tension and psychosis and the state is not that much different from those who practice homosexuality and lesbianism and thus try to find a parental figure in a lover. If I may, I would like to add I was attracted to women who were largely much older than me. Even though I believed in patriarchy in principle, part of my pattern was to try to woo them over through smooth talk and let them know I'm their knight in shining armor and thus there to save them. In a way, I was worshipping them and was surprised to find out that, while I desired a great intimate relationship with Yahweh, I was in fact trying to fulfill that relationship with women (because they seemed more tangible to me) and Yahweh seemed far distant. This was because in my mind, I related more to the female (my mother) versus the male (my father). And when one starts the worship the feminine instead of our masculine Father in Heaven, you can guess what's taking His place: demons.

I had found out I was indeed worshipping the twin spirits of Hecate and Jezebel. Both are spirits which try to subvert the psyche and make men women worshippers. Jezebel is the spirit mentioned in Revelation 2:20-23. They try to totally subvert the male and make him female while making the female male. They redefine masculinity and femininity from what Yahweh outlines the two genders are supposed to be in the Bible: the way they were created in the Garden. Our fallen state is not at all a reflection of who we really are (in spite of what secular psychologists would have you believe) but is a Satanic corruption blinding us to who we can be. Yahweh and His Word, both the written and the living, tell us who we really are and how we can be there. I had found after my deliverance, my personality changed for the better. Not because I was less of a person, but because I was more of my true self. There was a demonic counterfeit there posing as me, and just like one wears a watch after a while and doesn't notice it was there until its gone, I noticed there was a part of what I thought was me missing only after it left. I had to then readjust to the "new" me (actually, the *REAL* me). This is still taking some time and I'm still adjusting.

So how does Hecate and Jezebel subvert the male psyche, exactly? Well, to understand that, we will be focusing primarily on Hecate and her three roles: Maiden, Mother and Crone.

7. The Children of Anathoth and the Final Sifting

This page was created on 16 April 2005 Last updated on 16 April 2005

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