My experience is very out of the ordinary, which unique experience God ordained for me in order to move me out of Mormonism. But everyone is different. God may want some members of the Church to remains LDS until they die, and therefore, He would never challenge their faith through very painful experiences as God did for me. God will bless these faithful, believing Mormons and their families, their work, and their Church callings. They will find great personal happiness in the Church. They are living in the will of God. God ordained these good people to be Mormons, and I’m not judging any of the spiritual experiences God may have given them in the Church. But for these people to turn around and judge me that I should have remained a Mormon because that’s what God wants from them, is faulty logic. Because God wanted to show me a different view of Mormonism, doesn’t mean I’m lying or deceived. God has willed something different for my life.

A person can read the Book of Mormon, and God can whisper very strongly they are to be members of the LDS Church. So they get baptized, and God blesses them in their LDS walk. Great! But from this experience, these faithful converts will immediately assume all the doctrine and assumptions in Mormonism are true, including a false purpose of life, false priesthood, and false temple ordinances. It happens all the time. But most unfortunate, based on their experience with the will of God, they assume God will treat every sincere person the same way God has dealt with them. But it is simply an innocent error. For there are many sincere people that have studied and prayed about the Book of Mormon, but God has actually told them by the Holy Spirit to stay away from the LDS Church and not be baptized. It isn’t for them. And guess what? These people do the same thing, and they judge the Mormons wrongfully! They reason: “God told me to stay away from Mormonism, therefore, my Mormon friend must be getting false revelations and has been deceived!”

God holds all the cards in the LDS testimony process. He can choose to tell a person a truth in Mormonism, or He can be silent, or He can point out the flaws in the Church and move someone out. It’s at His discretion what He speaks and when, not man’s. Man cannot manipulate God by faith. Only Satan believes the human mind has the power of faith to create such a false paradigm. The false prophecy of a building an LDS temple in Jackson County is an example.

No one can truly guarantee an affirmative answer from God about Mormonism. Think about how irrational that assumption is. Should every human being be a Mormon? Is that the will of God? No! But to promise God will tell EVERYONE who asks to know the truth in Mormonism makes this very assumption. Anyone who asks God about the Church should become a member of the LDS Church. Is this true? No. We all have a unique path ordained by God, and not everyone is supposed to be a Mormon. And the proof of this truth is that many do go through the LDS testimony process and honestly feel nothing. What? Do we just accept those positive experiences that receive the answer that is expected as being valid evidence? See how biased the mind can be? If we include ALL the evidence, including those who DON’T GET AN ANSWER, the paradigm suddenly changes to fit my theory much better!

The truth is liberating. We don’t have to go back to the sincere person who fails the testimony process and say, “OK, what are you doing wrong? Are there any sins you need to repent of? Did you ask in faith? Did you ponder and really think about it?”

“Yes! I did everything I was told to,” they respond.

“And didn’t you feel the Holy Spirit.”

“No.”

“Well, just keep working at it. You will.”

Can’t we see how this process forces an answer from God? And God will not be manipulated. God will answer whoever He chooses to answer and when He chooses to speak. The LDS testimony process, as explained before, is a counterfeit spiritual process that can lead into great darkness, especially if a person continues praying for an affirmative answer against God’s will. If a person truly is not supposed to be a Mormon, but he pushes for an answer anyway, he invites demonic influences to produce counterfeit “burning in the bosom” experiences to trap him into a religion his is not supposed to be in.

These are the people that are the most miserable Mormons. They have forced the testimony process against God’s will, received what they expected under duress, and they find themselves unhappy being a Mormon and just don’t get it. “Why is everyone else happy, but I am not?” they wonder. They end up someplace they truly do not belong and can’t figure it out. They know they had a spiritual experience, but they keep seeing false things in the Church, and they run across conflicts they can’t comprehend. But they endure in the Church because they “know it is true”. Ouch! Finally, they investigate all the Anti-Mormon literature, and they discover the “lies” about the Church. Joseph Smith is defined as a complete fraud. God has his way, and He moves them out of the LDS Church, but sometimes at the peril and pain. Some are so devastated by the historical facts, they turn agnostic or atheist to deal with the conflict. Intense anger may last for years. Others find Jesus and find peace, but they make the false conclusions about Mormonism. Then they attack the Church from a false perspective, claiming Joseph Smith was fraud, and they spread the lie to others. Sometimes unwittingly they may do more harm than good to members of the LDS Church.

In essence there are four different types of people:

• 1) God’s will is to be a Mormon, and God confirms it.
  
• 2) God’s will is to be a Mormon, but God is silent about it.
  
• 3) God’s will is not to be a Mormon, and God confirms it.
  
• 4) God’s will is not to be a Mormon, but God is silent about it.
  

All of the misunderstanding of the LDS testimony is caused by misapplying a false pattern of prayer, as explained in detail in a previous chapter. The LDS missionaries teach the following false pattern of prayer:

• 1. Our Heavenly Father
  
• 2. We Thank Thee
  
• 3. We Ask Thee
  
• 4. In the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

It is truly unfortunate that the false LDS prayer formula has not been exposed sooner. Although it opens the believer up to receiving a witness of truth, at the same time, there is no protection of swallowing a lie that might be hidden by Satan. The foundation of the prayer is not focused on doing the will of God. Rather, we become members of the Church because we gain a “testimony of the truth” and we go around proclaiming we “know the LDS Church is true” based on a bogus prayer process. The process opens us up to receiving false impressions and conclusions about the Holy Spirit telling us the “LDS Church is true,” when such questions are earth-bound, not eternal realities. It is no wonder the LDS mind gets so wrapped up in false conclusions and deceptive spirits, being seduced to believe in occult temple ordinances. The Lord’s prayer, in which we seek to do God’s will, says nothing about “feelings.” The will of God is not couched in feelings alone, but is in human agency and choice. The will of God makes intelligent decisions, regardless of our feelings about it. Therefore, we pray that the kingdom may come into our view clearly, as we become born of God, that we might do the will of our Heavenly Father.

The will of God always conforms itself to our earthly sphere, giving direction and guidance to earthly time and space. For example, a person should reasonably pray: “Lord, what church should I fellowship” [Church Location] and not: “Which church is true?” Or a person should ask: “God what is your will in my life? Should I join the LDS religion?” and not ask: “Is the LDS Church true?” A person should also ask for protection: “Lord, please don’t let me be deceived by Satan, but open my eyes up to error. Deliver me from evil,” rather than: “Is the Book of Mormon true?”

The true pattern of prayer in Matt 6:9-13 was given by Jesus Himself to help us avoid half-truths and deceptions of the devil. Obeying the will of God and believing the truth are mutually exclusive principles. If we pray for wisdom and truth and we receive it, that is one thing. But “where” we apply the wisdom we receive from God can be vastly different depending on each person. Therefore, a person may be called to be a Mormon by the will of God, even if the theology is only half-true. On the other hand, he may be called by God to serve outside the Mormon Kingdom, such as becoming a Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, and so forth. None of these religions are perfectly true either.

Therefore, let us not judge each other based on truth and error. But let us seek to do the will of God, praying that God show us our errors and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Just because something we learn is true, does not make a second principle else either true or false. All truth is independent. Jesus understands. Thus, He instructed his disciples to pray according to a specific pattern, which prayer is significantly different than the pattern taught in the LDS Church.

If you are wondering why the testimony process didn’t work for you, but it did for someone else, I’ve just explained the answer. You can breath easily. God wants some people to be in the LDS Church, and He wants you somewhere else. You can be free of Mormonism, so quit worrying about it, and go find out where God wants you to be. On the other hand, if you read this whole book and God testifies I’m telling the truth, and yet God still wants you to be a Mormon, well, then you’ll need to stay a Mormon, won’t you? I’m not going to make the false assumption that every Mormon in Utah should suddenly leave his faith, family, and religion and go find another path. That is not reasonable. God has a plan for the LDS people, and some will be called by God to stay Mormons, and others will be called to leave.

I was called to leave.

Everyone’s story about leaving Mormonism is unique. No two are exactly the same. Many Mormons may read my testimony and completely disagree with my experience and observation in the Church. Many will think I’m from outer space and went to a different LDS Church. Many may believe I’m lying. But please understand I admit many of my views do NOT represent the mainstream of current LDS thinking. This acknowledgment is for those who are not familiar with the changing views and theology of Mormonism. The LDS Church has evolved over time. What is taught today is not what was taught at the time of Joseph Smith. The Church has constantly changed. The name of the LDS Church, for example, went through three iterations before it stabilized in 1838 to what it is called today.

A member of the Church who accepts the current structure and practices in the LDS Church as God’s “living oracles” and “interpretation of Scripture” will have conclusions about the LDS Church and doctrine will be significantly different than mine. I admit that. If a person truly wants to join the LDS Church based on what is taught today in the Church, this is probably not the right book to be reading. The purpose of this book is not to quote living LDS General Authorities and beliefs that defend Mormonism. Twenty years ago I decided to focus my faith on Joseph Smith and the early foundational principle of the LDS Church, supporting my views strictly from the modern LDS scriptures. By reading and praying about the Book of Mormon, D&C, and observing the temple ordinances, I developed my own personal understanding by the Holy Spirit that finally led me out of the Church. As I studied the teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, I saw many conflicts with the current Church view. I reasoned that because Joseph Smith actually saw the Father and the Son he was more qualified in his understanding the gospel. If there was a conflict, I opted to believe Joseph Smith over a living General Authority. For this reason and unique experience, my viewpoints will differ from many other members of the LDS faith.

I was born a Mormon. My parents were stalwarts in the Church. My mother was a State Relief Society President, and my father served on the Stake High Counsel. I never doubted anything my parents told me, and I pretty much just assumed that the Church was true from birth. When I was seventeen a girlfriend gave me my first Anti-Mormon literature to read. I devoured the literature with the assumption that it was wrong and I was right. I went to my parents, and they led me to all the LDS sources that gave me the standard responses to the literature. I prayed about the Book of Mormon and got my affirmative answer. The Church was 100% true, and I knew it with all my soul. Over many years of study, however, things started puzzling me. I read the Bible and the LDS scriptures, and what I saw in the LDS Church and at the pulpit did not match the scriptures. I couldn’t understand the logic that if the Church were really true, then why are not the things in the scriptures taught with more clarity by the members? Why would God have his true Church so far off base? Why don’t the modern prophets fix it? They have the revelatory gifts, right? Where are the gifts of the Spirit I read about? And I wondered deeply about these things.

I served a mission to Indiana. I believed in the legalistic authority of the mission rules—that new converts would materialize by our obedience to spiritual law and our faith, and I found myself turned into a complete religious zealot, much like the apostle Paul was before his conversion to the grace of God. I was very successful on my mission and prided myself in my self-discipline and good works. I committed myself to Christ at age twenty, which was very similar to what all true Christians do, except I was making the promise in a mixed-up religion, unfortunately. Above all else I wanted to know the truth and be saved eternally. I reasoned that anything short of that objective was rather foolish, since earth life is such a tiny portion of eternity. We ought to search deeply for God and secure our salvation while as mortal beings. That idea just always rang true to me. Honesty and integrity ruled my life, and I was almost fanatical about using honesty in telling others what I felt and believed. The Holy Spirit prompted me to attend BYU, which I did. It also prompted me when and who to marry.

Over a period of years I discovered the LDS scriptures were not agreeing with my commons sense or with each other, which I’ve shared in a previous chapter. The fact that the Book of Mormon condemns Solomon for having many wives and concubines calling it an abomination (Jacob 2:24.), the D&C said it was not a sin. (D&C 132:38.) But even more blatant is that the Book of Mormon teaches the principle of marriage is one wife, and the except, granted only by the Lord is plural marriage, and then only to raise up more children. But D&C132 teaches the exact opposite. Plural marriage is an eternal principle that must be obeyed to receive the highest reward or glory in Heaven. So, the issue became not whether the doctrine was right or wrong, it was the fact that these two LDS books blatantly contradict each other. Clearly, either God changes His mind over time or the words came from a liar. Obviously, since I assume God tells the truth and does not change his mind about a matter, these two verses really bothered me. I also saw blatant contradictions with the Bible. I bought an Inspired Version of the Bible that is published by the Reorganized LDS Church, and I read it with complete confidence, believing Joseph Smith’s changes were correct. But even with all of Joseph Smith’s changes, the writings of Paul haunted me like a ghost. He wrote so much about faith and grace it disturbed me. All confusions I would put on hold. I prayed and fasted waiting for answers from God. And the answers came one at a time over two decades; but the answers were seldom what I expected. The answers would always take me out of the mainstream of the Church, and I did not like that. It made me feel lonely in the truth. The anti-Mormon literature I read as a teenager I had shelved completely on my mission, believing it was a waste of time studying darkness. The LDS scriptures and the modern prophets, especially Joseph Smith, were my expert guides into the truth.

Over many years, almost unbearable emotional turmoil inside caused a mental jolt to break loose some major errors in my thinking. I had trusted others more than myself and more than God, and I learn this was wrong. As a very believing person, I trusted what my parents and leaders told me was the truth, and I assumed the Church was 100% true without really thinking through the LDS concepts completely for myself. My family, leaders, and friends said they knew certain things were true, and I naively believed they knew. I would hear someone speak in Church and testify they knew the some principle was true and would make us happy by obeying it, then believing they knew what they were saying, I would go do what they said! Literally! But the application of “their words” made me miserable. Over many years of this crap, I finally realized that the people at the pulpit were NOT doing what they believed in themselves, or they would be as miserable as I was! They were hypocrites and dishonest, lying to themselves. If they did what they believed in with all their hearts, they would not be the happy person they simply presumed they would be. They would be miserable like me. But, these unwise teachers never learned what they thought was suppose to save them and bring happiness because they lazily refused to put forth the sacrifice and effort required to actually test whether what they were teaching were true or false! I finally stopped believing everything taught at the pulpit. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to see through the hypocrisy and foolish errors sooner. But what could we expect? I had not been taught to think for myself. It took almost a decade of personal application and trial and error to learn what I’ve just written is the truth. The principles being taught by these sincere people did not work in my life, so by default, I learned they were false the hard way! By my pain!

Being programmed to follow others is a fundamental belief of Mormonism and causes us not to think and choose for ourselves; neither do we look at the underlying assumptions driving our behavior. Others may react differently to the philosophy, but it hurt me badly. I believed with such intensity and sincerity. It was an unspoken assumption of my parents for me to go on an LDS mission, so I went. I didn’t even think or question such a command. The prophet commanded it; the Church is true; and we must obey. So when I went on my mission, I acted the part and was very successful at it, became a zone leader and all that stuff, and baptized a lot of people. Then I went to college and fulfilled that part of the "LDS program" with obedience. I graduated magna cum laude from Brigham Young University, applying my whole soul to my studies. My social life was spending time in the library every day and an occasional movie on campus.

It wasn't until I had to start making my own choices--like what career to pick, what company to work for, or who to marry that I started to have enormous emotional problems. Why shouldn't I? I had never really made my own choices! When I left BYU, it was like jumping off a cliff into nothingness. I went from a total structured life depending on others for direction, to having to make my all of own decisions. It was AWFUL. To make matters worse, I got married just before I graduated. I was sealed in the Los Angeles temple according to the "commandment”. However, because of my believing mind I was paranoid about picking the "wrong girl" who would not make it with me to the "Celestial Kingdom". Naturally, I wanted the highest heavenly reward. I was a straight-A student on a full-tuition scholarship and wanted only the "best". This expectation caused many problems in my finding a wife as well as much needless stress after I was married because "simple love" was not the foundation of the marriage. Rather, the priesthood temple sealing and eternal salvation were my prime motivations in searching for the right spouse. My wife unfortunately approached the marriage from a much different angle. She was a convert to the Church and was not into the deeper theology as I was. She was not seeing me as a ticket to the celestial realm as I was seeing her, and our values conflicted like fireworks after we both said, “I do!” What a mess!

It gets worse. Eight years later I realized I had picked a career just to please my dad rather than to meet my own needs for growth and development, and I hated the career I had chosen! Being the nice, obedient, believing, and "good child" all my life, I suddenly became full of rage and anger! I finally went through my teenage "rebellion" experience at age 35 and was ready to kick ass! I had a taste for freedom now, and I was heading for getting out of jail. Oh was I mad! True, this is just a part of growing up, but the LDS paradigm makes the process a thousand times harder, I believe!

Then came the realization I was in a religion because of my family heritage not because I wanted to be in it. I was a wreck. There were so many conflicts, contradictions, and confusions hovering around my head, I’m not sure how I made it through the blur. But then I had this blasted testimony thing to work out! Oh God, did I think these awful realizations would ever end? I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but then how could I have ended up where I was? And I just wanted to be "obedient and do what was right?" How could God do this to me? What another mess of my life! I became very irritated at all the control in the Church and people telling me what to do that had no idea what my needs were. Then the Bishop called me as the Executive Secretary, which calling I absolutely hated. Here I loved the scriptures, and God put me in a job where I had to sit around in dull meetings? I dreaded each Saturday night putting the agenda together for Sunday meetings, knowing that I would have to be someplace I really did not want to be. But it was my trial. I told the Bishop my feelings and that I would serve for the priesthood’s sake and obey God’s authority, but it was something I really didn’t want to do. The Bishop chose not to release me. It made me hate Sundays, and it was probably a major reason my mind became more open to leave. It tried to be happy in the calling, but it was what I did all week long working at IBM, and I needed a spiritual calling not a grunt work job. I wanted to pray and find rest on Sunday, not sit in business meetings hearing the latest gossip in the ward. But I believed God knew what was best for me. My personal feelings didn’t count. We are supposed to sacrifice for the Kingdom. The Church is true, and I must obey the priesthood. I stood on that thought for three years, struggling with the fact I was doing something I did not like! And I was in a Church I did not like! I hated belonging to a Church that claimed all others were wrong. But I had to accept it as the truth!

But these emotional revelations and conflicts still were not enough to shake me free of Mormonism. It finally came down to money. For fifteen years my wife and I were able to keep all the standards of the Church except one—to live within our means. No matter what we did, we always had some debts. She brought a $6000 student loan into the marriage, and we worked several years to get that down. Then as that approached $0, we had to buy a car. It was absolutely incredible that no matter what we did, the debts would not go away. I reasoned that if the Lord’s prophet gave us a commandment to avoid debt, then we ought to have the ability to keep it. We always paid our tithing, and God always managed to meet our needs by tiny miracles. We continually found used items at a fraction of the cost of new ones. One time we found a piano for $100 in 10 days in time for Christmas. We prayed and God brought all the events together. It was a pleasure staring at our $100 piano on Christmas Eve.

But the situation didn’t change. We still had debts. Finally, I decided to pray for more income. I just needed more money. That would fix it, right? Within three years my income grew by 50%. I will spare the detail, but it was a miraculous intervention by the Lord. I was amazed, but very frustrated. Don’t ask me how it happened because I don’t’ really know how, but the debts got BIGGER! The financial stress and being in a career I didn’t like put a enormous stress on my marriage. My wife and I fought constantly, and it was almost unbearable. I questioned my whole reason for marrying her. To top it off, I had found the principle of grace and other truths in the Book of Mormon that mainstream LDS members do not agree with, and I felt all alone at Church. It was awful. I finally understood clearly the writings of Paul, which I had struggled with for two decades, and now that the light went on I wanted to share that unconditional grace, but I could not! One time I tried sharing the grace of God in sacrament meeting and the reaction was so bizarre that I vowed never to teach anything publicly unless it came from “the Brethren”. Th priesthood protocol is the established doctrine of the Church, and I was out of line, I thought. The governing principles and understanding must come out of Salt Lake City. They hold the authority and keys over the Church. Even if the doctrine of grace I taught was true, no one would believe me. God’s authority is not in the truth, but in the priesthood. I knew that. But I was interested in truth not in priesthood power, and apparently most the Saints were more interested in neither but rather in the weather, baking bread, or the next social party. So in terms of doctrine, we leave it to the Brethren, right? Just follow the LDS programs. Perhaps many of members in the Church are like me and want to be free in the truth, but they just kept quiet about their viewpoints. I don’t know. Besides how could we know what others REALLY think? The LDS Church is a place where everyone agrees to believe and discuss only what the Brethren think! So that’s what we do. Sharing our personal viewpoints can be risky and a sin if it contradicts the priesthood. And we must be careful! We may be led by a false spirit like Hyram Page, who received false revelations and was reprimanded by the Lord through Joseph Smith! So being safe and conservative, the LDS doctrinal viewpoints we discuss in Church usually come with the stamp of the priesthood approval form modern prophets. It’s imbedded into the core theology. We find the authoritative priesthood source and quote it! We become Mormon clones! Let’s step up and play the part!

After a year of intense marital conflict, On May 8, 1998, I finally decided to just forgive my wife and end the fighting, repent, and just accept my career and enjoy my family, regardless of the money. I loved her, and this financial and marital conflict was hurting me inside, and I knew it. After so many years, I finally came to grips with our situation and accepted our debts, accepting my dream of being debt free as unrealistic. Maybe we could refinance our home, I thought. That put a smile on my face as I saw interest rates dropping. It was only $20,000 of debt, so from the world’s standards it really was not a big sin. But I did believe deeply in obeying the prophets of the Lord, and no matter what I had done for fifteen years, the debts would never go away—even with a 50% raise! Twice we had reduced the debts to under $500. Then some disaster would occur, like the transmission in the car breaking or the roof leaking. Strange circumstances always prevented us from marking the “stay out of debt” commandment off the spiritual “check list”, and it just bugged me beyond reason. (Do we see how absurd this is?)

I looked honestly at my new career. Although this was not my “choice” of what I was looking for, it was a good job and paid very well.

Then the bomb dropped. I was surfing the Internet and came across a site that believed in all of the things that I had learned in the past two year about committing ourselves to God and his grace. But it was NOT LDS! At that point, I opened my mind for the first time in my life that maybe the LDS Church was not true. Could it be that I was assuming something to be true that was not? I had my doubts that President Hinkley was a prophet. It was on Thursday. I mused that the Church was way off base and that my priesthood was valid in spite of the Church being in darkness. I enjoyed the gift of the Holy Spirit. I understood the priesthood theology. Joseph Smith or president Hinkley could rape thirteen women in two nights, and I still held my priesthood. So it didn’t matter what they said or did!

Now I’m not lying with this next very strange occurrence. On Friday I left to visit my parents in Southern California. On Sunday, my Father told me he had a surprise. He pulled out an envelope with a check for $20,000. He had decided to give each of his kids a gift for tax reasons! I was stunned. My father had never done this before. And for the first time in fifteen years I was out of debt. And it was five days after I decided that maybe Gordon B. Hinkley was not a prophet of the Lord? This got my head turning upside down! I could not deny that for the first time in our marriage we were out of debt. And it came only five days after I seriously questioned a prophet led the LDS Church. Perhaps God was sending me a strong message that President Hinkley was a false prophet? I reasoned. What is the likelihood after fifteen years that my father just happened to give me a check for the exact amount to pay my debts? There are 365 days in a year and for fifteen years, that equals 5475 days that I believed in the prophet of the LDS Church and his counsel about debt and failed. I could not get out of debt no matter what I did. My father gives me a check five days after my mind has been open for the first time in 40 years, and I’m magically debt free?

I could not ignore the evidence of this experience. My mind went from a question mark to an exclamation point about “possibility” that the Church had gone off course. After 40 years, I finally opened my mind to objective study. I was definitely leaning toward the Church being false, but just wasn’t sure what to believe. I spent the next six weeks studying the other side of Church history and Anti-Mormon arguments. The amount of easy access to reliable and documented information on the Internet is incredible. And six weeks is all that was required to blow up a testimony that I had worked on for more than forty years! Amazing! And all that it required was to open my mind. With a closed mind I always rejected Anti-Mormon literature for different reasons. I had read much of the literature before my mission and just ignored the tough issues that had no good answer; assuming God would answer the question later. It was also very easy to assume that most anti-Mormon writers are either in it for money, are dishonest, or just enjoy spreading lies. I did not believe the anti-Mormons information was credible, and therefore, I rejected it. I trusted Joseph Smith and the Brethren instead.

My last three years as a member of the Church I was very bitter about the programming I was sucked into and the waste of "half" my life; but after leaving the Church I'm not too bitter anymore. It's getting better every day. I realize it could be worse. I could be learning this when I was 80 years old, with NO CHANCE to change. I still have HALF MY LIFE left at 40, and am glad I woke up now and not later. I'm also glad I've put a stake in the ground regarding what I believe, so I can move on. My writing this book has helped tremendously to set a new course by solidifying my beliefs. The good news is I'm free now and look forward to a remaining adventurous life where I'm not being guided by my just pleasing other human beings, but only pleasing God--who will never "manipulate" me like humans do. I follow the inner light in me now, not the light in someone else. And I like it a lot! I don't blame my parents at all. They were following the SAME programming I was taught. The only difference is they really like their "LDS security". They like having others tell them what to do. So they lived out their programming perfectly. But not me. It didn't work in my life. Security is not as important to me. For me it is a prison. I love truth and freedom, and these two principles do not mix well at all with Mormonism.

I have given you my brief story of my life in the LDS Church as first-hand evidence that something is wrong with the God of Mormonism. I spent 23 years of intensive study, spending perhaps one to three hours a day drinking from the LDS standard works, praying and fasting for answers. And the answers I received independently using reason and the Truth were what I found to be believed to be true by others outside the LDS Church when I left. For example, God taught me the concept of the “spiritual church” of Christ in all denominations before I ever heard the idea in the Christian world. When I left Mormonism and united with another Christian Church, I felt at home. They all believed like me. I enjoy sharing and fellowshipping. It’s natural. It’s from the heart. And it’s wonderful! I had found the doctrine of grace from the Book of Mormon, but felt very alone in Mormonism. Why didn’t the Holy Spirit teach me the same things that the Priesthood Brethren were learning? I was active in my church callings, and with the exception of debt, was a straight arrow regarding the Church standards, paid my tithing, and served my family and fellow man diligently. I was called to many leadership positions, being a counselor to five different Elder’s quorum presidents and was Executive Secretary in a Bishopric for three years. Why was I taught differently? I’m honest. I’m not trying to prove the Church right or wrong. I’m only interested in the truth. The truth has been my obsession. So I ask my Mormon friends: why did I suddenly become debt free two days after I considered that maybe the LDS prophets were false? Some may be thinking it was a test on my testimony? Give me a break! Fifteen years is a long time and five days is a wink!

Can an active believing Mormon please explain why my testimony did not stand the test of time? If I truly knew the Church was true as I claimed, I would not have changed my position. Indeed I lied to many, many others and to myself. I hope those I lied to and believed me will forgive me and understand that I sincerely believed what I said was true, but I deceived myself by my dishonesty. I remember how uncomfortable I was the first time I bore my testimony, wondering if I really knew or not. But after the first time, and the many other repeat offenses, my belief turned to what I assumed was knowledge. It no longer felt uncomfortable, but the lie flowed naturally out of my mouth as the truth. I followed the LDS program and got innocently sucked in because of childhood training. I apologize to anyone who may have believed me.

Today my life has changed completely. I’m free in the truth. With this book, for example, I need never apologize for lying. I’m being honest, I’ve stated my assumptions, and I’ve also left room for error and will change if I’ve done so. I’ve also explained that my LDS friends are welcome to believe in an illogical theology if they wish to. My only intention is to invite others to look at the facts and logic and believe as they wish. I’m finally free not to judge them or myself, but to simply choose to believe what I believe and declare it as such.

I’ve explained my personal experience with Mormonism. Each person will have a different experience. The “Recovery From Mormonism” Internet site has many stories of people who found the truth about Mormonism and left. They aren’t exactly the same as mine, but the end conclusion is the same. The LDS Church is false. I invite you to search the Internet or go find some anti-Mormon books to read that will allow you to see the issues and facts surrounding Mormonism for yourself. I admit, some of the anti-Mormon arguments are lame. But others are profound and provocative.

There are two ways to approach Mormonism to find the truth. One is by personal experience. The other is by study. By far the most difficult approach is personal experience. My personal story illustrates my point. We become baptized and believe the LDS Church is true. Then by applying the principles of the gospel, a person is supposed to gain a testimony of the Church. Since the Church assumed to be true, this approach also assumes that Anti-Mormon viewpoints are a waste of time, for such investigation simply delves the mind into places it should not go. Why not spend time in the light rather than darkness? However, by studying only the LDS theology, scriptures, modern prophets, and by following the approved Church programs, it is NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE find and understand the truth about Mormonism. We are given specific Mormon glasses to view the world and all historical facts.. It’s an unique LDS perspective, a filtering of all information through those lenses, and only a Mormon who has gone through the false processes of mind can appreciate how difficult it is to break down and see the truth. Most people, I must say, do not find the truth by their “LDS experience method” unless they make it a lifetime, all-consuming issue to study all the theological beliefs from official sources published by the Church, particularly the teachings of Joseph Smith and the early writings of the Brethren. It requires and intensive study of the Latter-day revelations, comparing them to the Bible. Reading the Ensign and Book of Mormon will NOT lead anyone to the full truth of Mormonism. The theological errors are very subtle and difficult to detect in the “milk doctrines” of the Church because so much truth exists in abundance. Unless we are grounded in the Bible, we will not see the errors in the “meaty doctrines” nor even some of the false “milk doctrines” of the LDS plan of salvation. As a believing member trusting our LDS experience we will be biased and one-sided in our viewpoints, assuming that the final answers of truth must always support the Church being true, thus forcing the outcome and rigging the score during most of our learning.

On the other hand, objective study of known facts is the simplest, fastest, and most effective way to determine the validity of Mormonism. We can spend a few months studying Mormonism as objectively as possible from both sides to learn the truth or we can spend decades or even a lifetime like I did sincerely serving the LDS Church with our whole being only to discover after all the sacrifice and effort that it is false! Do we want to spend a few months of objective study or a lifetime of personal experience in which God may have to pry open our closed-minds with a spiritual crow bar to get the right answer?

It’s our choice.

Objectivity in religious belief is not easy. We each are raised by our own “father religions”. Our mind filters all information based on what we have chosen to believe is true. When my mind was opened and I tried to look objectively at Mormonism, I still was wishing it was true, for that would make my life much easier, considering my family roots in the Church go back to 1831. Mormonism creates an extremely biased mind using the testimony process described. Because it starts with thinking the Church is true, and the Book of Mormon from God's angels, all information will be filtered to SUPPORT that view. It's just the way the mind works. Once we choose to believe something is the truth, then information is tied to that choice, and thus, we are ALL BIASED based on our choice to believe and can't escape our biased viewpoints. To be totally objective, one would have to remove themselves from the God debate and choose NOT to believe anything about God. Such becomes an agnostic, who has the freedom to see objectively, but no faith or belief in anything. Therefore, based on our experience with Christianity and Mormonism we have made many choices of belief that causes our minds to see through the filter that it does. After I left Mormonism, my testimony process and paradigm changed to believing in God’s Word alone, and now I view the world through the lens of the Bible. What I've learned with the Bible lens is to better sort through my own "false feelings" and become more accurate in discerning errors that I didn't see before. I used to go "up and down" in my feelings as a Mormon, but now I'm "stabilizing" because of the Bible. I still believe in revelation and God speaking through my feelings, but it’s more calm and peaceful than previously. Now my feelings are placed top of the Word, not the bottom or foundation. I simply believe God has promised to save me, and I accept it on faith independent of how I feel about the promise. I chose to believe.

The fact is the LDS Church is not what it claims to be. Mountains of evidence prove it. Whatever your experience has been with Mormonism, this book can save you decades if not a lifetime of hard work and bitter lessons if you thoughtfully consider the following assumptions:

• 1. There is a God.
  
• 2. He always tells the truth.
  
• 3. The truth is always logical.
  
• 4. True and false angels can appear to people.

If so, then many other things must be explained, such as purpose of the Book of Mormon. We must understand exactly how prayer and revelation can produce testimonies in the hearts of members, leading them to false conclusions about the Church being true. We need to explain the First Vision changes. These things I’ve already touched on. I’ve already shown the false logic behind the LDS testimony process, which process can not be from God. But we also need to bridge many esoteric doctrines in the LDS faith that could be true even though they are not in the Bible, such as the spirit world and pre-earth life. If false angels appeared to Joseph Smith, then the devil could reveal NEW TRUTHS to the LDS Church, but mixed it with much error. For example, Satan could reveal the existence of the spirit world with the intention of binding the people to the false doctrine of baptism for the dead. This is a most effective strategy, to bury error deeply into attractive truths, so we can not find it. I will address some of the more esoteric topics of Mormonism later and bridge them to true Christianity, enabling the believer to retain a testimony of Jesus and what is really true in the LDS faith, while discarding the errors. This book will now continue to proceed in an orderly fashion to expose the illogical theology of Mormonism, sending the Mormon house of phony cards tumbling down one after another.