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    Understanding the True
    Origins of Mormonism

    The Incredible Story of a Race of Celestial Beings
    that once Came to the Earth...

    by Clare Gregory

    Chapter 17
    Trixie’s Dream

    The Bible teaches: “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see vision. And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit.” (Joel 2:28.) While I was writing this book, I spent many hours conversing on the Internet receiving feedback for my writings. In this process I met Trixie, a former Latter-day Saint who had a powerful dream God gave her in 1976. She explained that her interpretation had changed over the years, but hadn't shared the dream. I told her that I had a gift to interpret dreams and had helped others understand symbols given to them by the Lord while they slept. Trixie then posted her incredible dream and in response, I posted the interpretation.

    The Dream

    Trixie wrote: First off, some background information. I joined the church in May of 1976, at 19 years old. I was finishing my sophomore year at a small private college near my home town, but was easily convinced to transfer to BYU. I already felt “different” than my former friends and co-students and was already being impressed on the importance of marrying a good LDS man, so I went happily. It was a hard adjustment, though, going from being a big fish in a little pond (in my small school, as well as in my home ward I received a lot of attention as the darling convert). But, I made it, faith intact, and decided to get my patriarchal blessing in the fall of 1976 at the Y. (I had already tried in my home ward, but was judged “unworthy” due to a certain “problem” many of us are familiar with, which I had no CLUE was a sin till the bishop asked the big M question..... how embarassing!)

    I fasted frequently in those days, at the very least, every Sunday, and any other day I felt was special in some way (or spashial?). So, of course, I was fasting and praying from the afternoon preceding my blessing till the next evening. I was thoroughly “psyched” for the blessing.

    “That night I had an intense dream I have never forgotten. It’s been over 20 years, and I can still recall it vividly (hence leading me to be skeptical of the fact that Joseph could ever “misremember” any factual details of the first vision). The dream was divided into three parts, like scenes in a movie.

    “Scene One - I was in some sort of open room, like a courtyard, with many other people. We were all dressed in long white robes, just like the typical pre-existence picture the missionaries had shown me in their flip chart about six months previously. We were listening to Jesus, who was up front, teaching us. His specific words didn’t register, but, rather, the intense feeling of love that emanated from him. Midway, he told us that he had to leave now, but we would see him again. As he parted the “room”, he passed before me, and paused just a moment, looking at me intently. I felt the intense love hit me like a force field, but I was too ashamed of myself to raise my eyes and return his gaze. I bowed my head, silently hoping one day to feel “good enough” to look him in the eyes.

    “Scene Two - I was in another open room, but this one was clearly “on earth”. It looked like the area that BYU used to have in that building with the cafeteria - some sort of open lounge where students could gather to study, or talk. I was with a small group of other women my age. We were discussing some sort of community service outreach program, trying to “save” the world, somehow. The other women were talking very earnestly, but I couldn’t stop weeping. When they asked what was wrong, I replied “I just saw the savior for the first time - I only joined the church in May.” Apparently, it was the norm to ‘see the savior’ and we stopped talking about the community service and began to share our “testimonies” of the savior.

    “Scene Three - I was now a young mother, taking my grouchy baby out for a walk in a stroller. As I leaned over to strap him in, I tenderly kissed his grumpy face, overwhelmed by the feelings of love I had for him. At that moment, the pure love I was feeling for my baby suddenly filled me, and became the exact same sensation of intense love that I had felt in the savior’s presence in the first part of the dream. The feeling was so intense that I woke up, and immediately recorded my dream. (End of dream sequence.)

    “This dream was remarkable to me in its emotional power, and for the fact that it has always remained with me, very clear, throughout the years. At that time, I was certain that it was a revelation from God, an additional witness, so to speak. The fact that I had the dream the night before receiving my patriarchal blessing was significant, due to the fact that it seemed to be a life-pattern dream, following me through the preexistence, to being a student, to being a mother, just like my blessing did.

    Changing View

    “My interpretation of this dream has changed over the years, not surprisingly. However, the basic details, the sequence of events, has NEVER changed, even though I “understand” those events differently as time goes on. This is the basic difficulty I have with Joseph writing different versions of his first vision. I can understand that his interpretation, his understanding, of a revelatory event could alter as years go by, and life experiences give him more depth and insight. However, I can NOT accept that he changed basic details - who appeared, what they said. Rather than indicating the changing interpretation of a maturing mind, to me, it indicates that he was experimenting with different versions, and picked the “best” one, the one that would have the impact he desired (and given the general time frame that he began to talk about his first vision - in the nauvoo period – I believe that he created it to give ‘authority’ to his new ideas which were radical departures from basic Christianity he had been following up to that point - ie, to introduce eternal marriage leading up to men becoming gods, and gods having bodies of flesh and bone, and Joseph having a unique authority that other charismatic leaders of the early church could not usurp). In other words, he was making it up. Perhaps he did have some sort of visionary experience - I believe that he was manic depressive, and they often have religious visions during periods of mania - but I believe that whatever he may have experienced was a bare-bones type of event, and all the “flesh” he added later was to suit his purposes (purposes that he may have truly believed in, of course, an early case of lying for the lord, of shading the truth for a greater cause). However, the fact that at least three different versions are extant indicate to me that he did not experience this first vision event with the type of clarity that current members believe.

    “Ok, now on to my personal interpretations. When I first had the dream, I interpreted it to mean, simply, that the church was “true”, and that the patriarchal blessing I would receive was ‘true’, as well, since the dream occurred within a clearly Mormon context. (Understandably - I was fully immersed in Mormon culture and beliefs by then.) For, unlike some evangelicals who insist that Mormonism is not Christian, to me, it was clearly centered on Christ, and that was the crux of it in my eyes. (Hence, my irritation when people on this board also insinuate that Mormonism is not “Christian” somehow - yes, it is not orthodox Christianity, but it IS Christian. Of course, I grew up Protestant, so perhaps my background colored my perception of the church differently than lifers do). Anyway, all the Mormon “touches” (preexistence, group of “sisters”, the importance of motherhood) all sealed it up for me. The church was true.

    “Ooops. The church isn’t true after all is my next conclusion, after several painful years of intensive church history studying and prayer. It was very hard for me to come to this conclusion, because of this dream, and because of the intense experience I’d had when praying about the BoM as the missionaries instructed (I had felt a similar intense sensation). So, now, what to do with this dream? What did it mean?

    “I still retained a belief in a personal God for the first two years out of Mormonism and attended an Episcopalian church. The rector constantly talked about the grace of Christ, the power of redemption. I had a hard time embracing this for a couple of years, one being my skepticism of some of the religious elements recorded in the Bible, and another was my years of running the “perfection cycle” as a Mormon. It was just difficult for me to accept that ALL I had to do was believe, that, somehow, I was already “good enough” for God. I felt certain that there were some sort of secret rules around somewhere (and, of course, there are, in much of Christianity - believe, but believe in the “Right” Christ, for example). But, more than that, I just didn’t feel good enough. Me, standing alone in front of Christ, I was still lowering my eyes in shame. I remember after the birth of my third child, being stuck in an abusive marriage and desperately unhappy, I went to a REAL shrink. As I explained the dynamics of my twisted marriage (I had to weigh a certain weight, dress a certain way, “look” a certain way, in order to be loved by my ex. Of course, I never reached that elusive goal, for once I’d reached one goal he’d set before he could “love” me, he’d change the bar even higher), she told me, over and over, you deserve to be loved just because you ARE. It was a shocking idea to me, even though I embraced that attitude towards my children - they didn’t have to EARN my love, they had it just by grace of their being.

    So, my first evolution in understanding my dream differently was to put a distinctly Christian spin on it. The dream was telling me that Christ loved me as I was, right? The way I loved my child! I WAS good enough. I was worth “saving” just by merit of my existence.

    Ooops. Problem number two: I do not believe in Christ the way Christians do. Yes, I believe he was a real person, and that parts of his life are recorded accurately. Yes, I believe he was a powerful teacher who was trying to get through to the anal believers of the time, who were caught up in the rules and regulations, more than the spirit behind religion. (Or religion as he perceived it to be). I do not believe he was the actual Son of God, or that he resurrected literally, physically, from the dead. I believe those are myths from the time interjected into Christ’s teachings to make the new religion more appealing to the pagans of the time, who had similar beliefs already.

    The stage where I am now at is that the whole purpose of the dream, in fact, the power that awoke me, was the feeling of LOVE itself. The love first came from Christ, and then originated in me at the end. This is what life is all about, for me, at least, and what my soul was trying to tell me as I stretched and pulled at myself to make myself good enough”.

    I believe I am going to start a new religion based on the revelations of Bill and Ted.

    Be excellent to each other.


    Changing the Model Changes the View

    I feel deeply for this woman. She was caught into a half-true religion, and God blessed her with a dream that actually shows in explicit detail the errors of Mormonism, but they are buried deeply into symbolic images, and what appears to be the truth on the surface of the dream is only a counterfeit. Only someone having the gift of the Holy Spirit to unlock the symbols of the dream can truly understand the mind of God. Without the Spirit of God, the human mind will jump to conclusions and interpret the symbols based on pre-conceived notions of truth, thus creating greater confusion and darkness in the believer’s mind. For example, when Trixie was LDS, she believed in the plan of salvation called “eternal progression” through time. Thus, at 19 years old she saw the dream in terms of three stages of life—1) pre-earth life, 2) experience in church, and 3) having children. Her belief gave her a “greater testimony” of the LDS Church. But the model is false, so the interpretation is also false. Then Trixie moved out of Mormonism into Christianity, and she saw unconditional love of God, and she was unworthy. But this too, was not the meaning of the dream, for such love does not cause one to sorrow in Christ but to rejoice in the victory of the cross over our fallen natures. Finally, she completely left her Christian roots and now sees the dream from a humanistic viewpoint, for she operates under an atheistic model. She has mapped this paradigm over the dream, believing her human love is to be express as her main objective in life. Of the three interpretation, her last interpretation is closest to the truth, for she is a woman of great love an empathy, and she has disconnected her human love from God’s love, which is appropriate. Thus, in coming out of the web of Mormonism, Trixie found her own love as a human being gives her strength and security. It’s a workable model that fits within a humanistic approach to life. This will bring actually more happiness to her than either of the other two false interpretation that were far from the truth of Jesus Christ. Her view is tied to truth, and not error. Human love has power independent from God’s love. But Trixie still misunderstands the meaning of the dream, for her views of God and Mormonism are false. Therefore, her interpretation still misses the truth of God’s symbols.

    The Spiritual Key

    And what is the truth? What is God really trying to teach Trixie? One of the keys to understanding Trixie’s dream is that the love of God is found in His Word, which is Jesus Christ: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (John 1:1.) We can read the entire Bible and we will not find any references of the prophets recording overwhelming “feelings” defining God’s love. Rather, the Biblical authors write over and over that God tells the truth, and they have communicated God’s truth to us. For example, Paul defines charity in Corinthians chapter 13 using verbs or action words such as love “suffereth long and is kind”. He does not use the noun of “feelings” to define charity.

    “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no eveil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but REJOICETH IN THE TRUTH; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.” (1 Cor 13:4-8.)

    Charity is God’s love, which is the moral will of God that protects and cares for his children. It is absolutely amazing that all adults know that to survive in this world it takes education, knowledge, and application of principles using self-discipline and moral will to succeed. Life requires decisions and actions to produce the food, shelter, and entertainment that makes up human living. We all understand this as human beings, but then we misunderstand and believe that God’s love is feeling-based? Love is “feelings”? How can this be? Just look at human life. How does the laundry get done when we “feel” like watching TV? How do the bills get paid when we “feel” like going to a ball game instead? How do we cut the lawn when we “feel” like drinking that soda? Finally, how do we put our children on the bench for time out when we “feel” so much love for them? No. God’s love is not feelings, it is action; and many times this action and self-discipline goes contrary to human nature and the pull of the flesh that would tempt us to be lazy and uncaring, rather than obeying intelligent principles found in THE WORD OF GOD.

    But what about feelings? Does God have feelings? Of course He does. He is a personal God. Jesus as God felt and experienced life as a human being:

    “Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same…Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in thing pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people. For in that he himself suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.” (Hebrews 2:14,18.)

    Let us also recall that as He faced the great ordeal of the atonement, Jesus really did not want to suffer for us. His supposed “loving feelings” for us did not cause him to die for us. Rather, he prayed and asked the Father to release him from the burden he was under. He actually preferred not to continue, but then he qualified his personal feelings by saying, “Not my will, but thine be done.” In these seven simple words is the true love of God manifested, and such love is manifested every day by the children of God across the whole earth, as each person tries his or her best to do what is right rather than submit to bodily impulses or selfish desires

    Jesus chose to trust His father’s will and die for us, in spite of his “feelings”. The love of God is manifest through moral will and keeping the commandments. But what about our human feelings? We certainly have affections and feelings of love toward loved ones. Human feelings run very, very deep. However, if Jesus or God were to act on all their feelings, this universe would be in chaos. They don’t operate that way. They both live in the same truth and are one God. God is Spirit and Life. Thus, we see no record in the Bible regarding the feelings of God defining God’s love. But we do read:

    “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” (1 John 3:16.)

    “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” (1 John 5:3.)

    “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15.)

    I don’t believe the Bible can be any clearer in defining love. Love is keeping his commandments. It is trusting in His Word. It is putting his Word into action--being kind, suffering the imperfection of others, serving without expecting anything in return. There are no conditions on God’s love but is only the implementation of the Word in our lives through faith. We hope to glorify our Father and please Him that others may see his Living Word in us. If the Bible is so succinct in defining the love of God, then why do we want to define it as something it is not? Why d do we insist on searching after the feeling of love, when such is so fleeting, and like a butterfly, difficult to hold onto and catch?

    Yes, the truth is we all enjoy good feelings and the affection that comes with stable living. For such is the nature and of all human beings—to desire security and experience the feeling of genuine love and empathy in an ordered environment. God’s love provides the foundation through moral will and self-discipline that creates an ENVIRONMENT in which human feelings of love can flourish. It is accomplished by keeping the commandments of God, which are intelligent words put down on paper. Therefore, it takes self-discipline or the baptism in water to cleanse our life and prepare an environment in which positive and wholesome feelings of human love can expand. Then as our feelings of love grow in this stable environment, like the unpredictable wind also comes the baptism of the Holy Spirit in which the Word of God is open to our minds, and we perceive the mind and will of God. We gladly receive the gift of eternal life. But without the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God remains a mystery, and our own fallen natures and human love can twist the Bible to mean something it does not.

    God is Spirit and He is Truth. However, in Trixie’s dream God is seen as an emotional blast of feelings that overpowers Trixie’s mind, leaving her to doubt and suffer in tears. This blaze of love did not cause rejoicing, but sorrow in the believer. Nowhere in the dream is it communicated that salvation is in intelligence Words of Truth. We are not taught that keeping the commandments of God motivates this Jesus she saw. Therefore, the dream clearly illustrates the counterfeit Jesus found in Mormonism

    The Interpretation

    The following is my response to Trixie that explains the meaning of her dream in detail:

    Trixie, I’m happy to offer my interpretation of your dream by the Holy Spirit. God’s presence is with me, and I think His message to you through me may hopefully shed some light on your life and help you in your personal search for truth.

    The dream is a powerful one and has had an impact on your life since you received it. For this reason, I believe it is genuinely from God, and the fact is, you have never been able to push it out of you mind…even if you tried to. It keeps coming back…God is like that, you know. He never leaves.

    The fact that you prayed and fasted so much is a great blessing because God answered your prayers through this dream, and it can be a great strength to you today. It is the “true revelation” you were expecting to receive from your patriarchal blessing, and God in His great love gave you this dream in lieu of the “false blessing” you received the next day. God answered your prayer of faith!

    The context in which the dream was given is VERY important. It was just prior to receiving your Patriarchal blessing, which priesthood medium is a false priesthood given to Joseph Smith by counterfeit angels. Therefore, if your dream is from the Lord, we would expect to see a clear message of the counterfeit Jesus in Mormonism, and how to spot the him.

    And it does. WONDERFULLY!


    Dream: “I was in some sort of open room, like a courtyard, with many other people. We were all dressed in long white robes, just like the typical pre-existence picture the missionaries had shown me in their flip chart about six months previously. We were listening to Jesus, who was up front, teaching us. His specific words didn’t register, but, rather, the intense feeling of love that emanated from him. Midway, he told us that he had to leave now, but we would see him again. As he parted the “room”, he passed before me, and paused just a moment, looking at me intently. I felt the intense love hit me like a force field, but I was too ashamed of myself to raise my eyes and return his gaze. I bowed my head, silently hoping one day to feel “good enough” to look him in the eyes.”


    The false Jesus you see is in a setting in which you describe is similar to what you were taught by the LDS missionaries almost six months earlier. It is not the “spirit world” as you supposed, but simply a setting that you can recognize as “LDS”. The Jesus you saw is the LDS Imitation Christ, not the true Jesus. Everyone is dressed in long white robes, to show you how insidious the deception of Satan’s counterfeits can be. He can transform darkness into light, making falsehoods appear to be pure white and deceive “many” people. Notice very carefully that you couldn’t hear a word Jesus was teaching, but instead, was impressed by the feelings of love you felt. In Mormonism, Jesus is a God of feelings, NOT INTEILLIGIENT WORDS. Therefore, it is almost impossible to disconnect a Latter-day Saint from their testimony, for they can’t hear intelligent words and reason that contradict that testimony. They only hear their feelings. Everyone on this bb understands this strange and false manifestation of Mormonism, the insidious trap of false logic, and the just plain nonsense that it is. Also, notice the false Jesus LEAVES YOU. Wrong! The true Jesus NEVER leaves us, not even for a moment. God tenderly watches over us and carries us when the times get rough, even if we think He’s not there. He may send trials and tough things into our life, but HE NEVER LEAVES US. Notice the only thing this counterfeit Jesus left you with was “good feelings”, which is the false gospel of Mormonism at its heart. The feelings were real, but they didn’t have any “truth” or the “Word of God” in them.

    When this false Jesus looked at you, you looked away and refused to see Him. You rejected the false Jesus with your eyes, but not with your heart. You felt His love. This is important, because using reason with your mind, you eventually looked away from this false Jesus, and left Mormonism, in spite of your feelings. What truths you have learned about the errors in the LDS Church since 1976 are actually found in the dream.

    You were concerned about you unworthiness, which again is a false LDS notion. The false spirit in Mormonism teaches that we are unworthy and can’t look at Jesus, but at the same time, claims we should strive to be like Him—a perfect, celestial being. It teaches we are children of God with “divine potential” to become perfect as gods and goddesses. This creates a tremendous CONFLICT in LDS believers, which brings them to weeping and tears and frustration, trying to be perfect but feeling unworthy at the same time. It is insane logic. Notice how you hoped “one day to feel good enough to look him in the eyes”. The underlying thought behind this is “perfectionism” that you implemented exactly according to the program that you believed in the LDS faith. You worked and hoped and prayed to be good enough to just look at him. As Mormons, the LDS God of love causes us to look away, for we sense our unworthiness but have no power to claim the blessings of grace. The LDS gospel of grace is perverted into eternal progression, which is a false evolutionary process implemented through agency. The truth is, however, that we will NEVER be worthy. Jesus alone is the worthy one. We are saved by grace through faith, and that not of ourselves; it is a gift of God. And we are not saved by His loving feelings, but by HIS WORD AND BLOOD. His name be praised!


    Dream: “I was in another open room, but this one was clearly “on earth”. It looked like the area that BYU used to have in that building with the cafeteria - some sort of open lounge where students could gather to study, or talk. I was with a small group of other women my age. We were discussing some sort of community service outreach program, trying to “save” the world, somehow. The other women were talking very earnestly, but I couldn’t stop weeping. When they asked what was wrong, I replied “I just saw the savior for the first time - I only joined the church in May.” Apparently, it was the norm to ‘see the savior’ and we stopped talking about the community service and began to share our “testimonies” of the savior.”


    The second scene is not a “progression” in life as you had presumed it represented, but illustrates additional false principles in Mormonism. In scene 2 you go to a cafeteria on earth. The LDS religion is full of “earthly” principles that can be applied to our temporal labors to become “successful” in this world. The LDS Church teaches planning and life management skills that can be used in education, business, and government. It is the “spiritual diet” of the LDS faith. It supports the life of the flesh and lower nature, but not the eternal spirit. You are with students and gather to study and talk, representing the social and intellectual environment of the LDS Church. They surely love to talk among themselves. They are talking about community service outreach program, trying to “save” the world, for this also is clearly the false spirit of Mormonism. With the false priesthood, Mormons are setup on par with God Himself, saving others by their efforts coupled with the saving priesthood, they suppose. As an executive secretary I’ve sat in Bishopric meetings which opened with a twenty second prayer, and then the next two hours were like attending a business meeting in which each leader had “the power” to make decisions in the name of God for the benefit of the congregation. For example, one time a person in the ward had declared himself homosexual, and this came up as a topic of discussion. No one thought of prayer. No one suggested fasting. No one even though about trying to evoke God’s power to assist this young man. Rather, a room full of about a dozen leaders sat around discussing of ways “they” could help and assist this person to “feel better” about himself and “love him”. Thus in this manner and with the priesthood Mormons become “Saviors on Mount Zion”. The truth is, however, human beings can’t save anyone. Only God can. That person needed serious prayer intercession. So I prayed privately for him, and a miracle happened in which the young man ended up going on a “two-month” survival course in the desert to help sort out his problem.

    In your dream in scene 1, your eyes looked away, and you were NOT mentally deceived by the false Jesus nor interested in the LDS phony gospel. So in scene two you are weeping uncontrollably. The Lord was showing you the tremendous pain this “false Jesus” would bring into your life. He brings a conflict of mind vs our hearts! Our hearts feel good, but our mind says “contradiction”, causing tears of pain. In scene two, when your friends asked you what was wrong, you replied, “I saw the Savior for the first time—I only joined the Church in May”. If this were the true Jesus, you would be rejoicing and praising his name, not weeping. So why are you weeping? This false Jesus brings pain and heartache by the counterfeit lies that He teaches. Because you were a member of the Church but would not really follow the drum of Satan’s lies, your integrity would create much conflict inside you. Ouch! As you shared your pain with other members, they immediately switched topics from the objective of “saving the world with temporal and earthly success principles” to bearing testimony of Jesus. Drawing on one’s “feelings” is the power behind this false Jesus, and thus, the second scene ends with showing you the false principle of bearing testimony as a remedy to being caught in a lie. The truth sets us free, not our feelings or a testimony process. We must study the Word of God to free ourselves from Mormonism, not bear our testimonies. Such emotional sharing of feelings only deepens our deception in the false priesthood that is introduced in scene three.

    You wrote: "Apparently it was the norm to see the Savior and we stopped talking about the community service and began to share our 'testimonies' of the Savior."

    The idea of "seeing the Savior" is the LDS testimony of "feelings" that they get when they pray about the Book of Mormon or the Church. This the "Savior" they worship. The idea of it being a "norm" for people to have this experience describes how the LDS "testimony" process is shared, passed on, and believed by others. First, it is expected that it is the "norm" that people should "have" a testimony of the Church. Therefore, especially for those raised in the Church, the time comes to conform to the "norm". A person is then expected to go through the ritual of "seeing the Savior of feelings” and get a testimony of the Church. This puts TREMENDOUS pressure on the mind, and some people feel compelled to get something they may not wish or need to have. In this attitude of subtle compulsion, the mind is open to impressions and mixed up feelings that are not grounded on common sense, reason, and truth. It opens the door to false revelation.

    The entire LDS Church hovers around "being the same" and conforming to the “Leadership Norm” in Salt Lake City. It's a farce, and those who are sincere to see, will see it. But if the false Jesus has trapped someone in misunderstood feelings, it can create a HUGE conflict for many years. That's what happened to me...I kept seeing all the contradictions, but stuck it out in Mormonism for 23 years, playing around in my feelings. I thought "I" was the one who was "not normal" like everyone else, because I had doubts. "Why couldn’t I just be normal and accept the Church as true like everybody else does?" I always asked myself. What’s wrong with me?

    Finally, I could not lie anymore to myself and by a hypocrite and deny the contradictions that I saw. I realized I was misunderstanding and lying to myself about "my feeling" testimony, denying the truth, and I left the Church. While in the Church, I did feel the true Holy Spirit teaching me truth, but I just could not see past the darkness. That's what is so difficult with Mormonism. It is FULL of half-truths, and we are naturally attracted to the truth, but then swallow the lies in the process. Such creates many mental/emotional conflicts for the sincere believer. Many end up confused and "weeping" to try to sort through the mess.

    It's this idea of "being the norm" that keeps it all together and looking good “on the outside” that keeps up the pretense, the hypocrisy, and "acting" the part we are given to play. Mormonism, in the end, is about acting. And the better the actor, the more sincere and believable, the farther we go in the LDS religion. If a person likes to play "follow the leader" and get lost "in the norm", Mormonism is perfect for them. They don’t need to be “actors” like the leaders, they can just “trust them”. It feels safe, secure, and very comfortable in the human love that abounds in the LDS Church. But I am mainly interested in the truth rather than conformity and pretense, so it eventually came time to grow up and leave. Human love wasn’t enough to keep me interested in Mormonism. I wanted to be free. I wanted to find the True God.

    By the way, those who are sucked into the lies of Mormonism may actually LIKE the false god Mormonism offers. They will not "weep and cry" for the truth like you have. They will be content to bear their testimonies and live the religion that brings them what they want. It has a lot of good things, and that MUST be acknowledged! It contains many pillars of truth: strong family values, a social structure, and some pretty darn good people. If the LDS Church were the Boy Scouts or a Giant Social Club, it would be a great place to fellowship with good, honest people. But it’s not. It claims to be the only true Church on earth, which is false. It teaches many other doctrines of Joseph and Brigham, which are also false.

    Those who are not interested in "the doctrine" but the "people" can find great happiness in the LDS Church and won't listen to a word I write. Do I think the LDS religion is right for them? Yes! Does God want them in Mormonism right now considering what they are looking for? Probably. It meets their needs for love better than any other religion. The very good things the Church has is just what their spirits need. There are cool programs and social interaction, without becoming a god or goddesses. So, the Church is NOT hurting these people quite like it did me. I believed in the false light and false doctrine with all my heart, clinging on EVERY WORD of Joseph Smith, and Mormonism hurt me deeply. I, like you in your dream, have shed many a tear trying to sort through the mental mess and conflict.


    Dream: “I was now a young mother, taking my grouchy baby out for a walk in a stroller. As I leaned over to strap him in, I tenderly kissed his grumpy face, overwhelmed by the feelings of love I had for him. At that moment, the pure love I was feeling for my baby suddenly filled me, and became the exact same sensation of intense love that I had felt in the savior’s presence in the first part of the dream. The feeling was so intense that I woke up, and immediately recorded my dream. (End of dream sequence.)”


    The third scene is tied to the first two, again teaching false principles that are specific to the LDS faith. You have your “child” in a stroller. This child is your “spiritual” self as a baby. But as an adult in your unredeemed human state, you are caring for and loving this spiritual child. The love you feel, which is human love, is real, and you love yourself unconditionally, just as Jesus teaches you to (love others as you love yourself). But this love of self and others is the same feeling that you felt from the false Jesus in the first scene and is very powerful. Whereas you have assumed for years that this is the “love of God” in you, you’ve misunderstood. No. It is only human love. And this is the love or “feelings” that the counterfeit Jesus uses to fool Mormons. Human love is not eternal. It comes; then it goes. It is not dependable and can not be trusted the same way that God’s love found in the Jesus Christ can be trusted.

    “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth…”. (1 Cor 13:4-8.).

    God’s love is eternal and is not human. It fills the immensity of space and never leaves. Jesus taught that all the commandments were found in just two: “And thou shalt love the Lord they God with all they heart, and with all they soul, and will all they mind, and with all they strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself.” (Mk. 12:30-31.)

    But the LDS Church reverses this order of love’s priority. It places an emphasis on emotional, human love first, and not charity or God’s eternal love defined by Paul. Paul’s definition says nothing about feelings, but uses actions to describe love. “Charity suffereth long, is kind, doesn’t envy… etc.” In short, charity is consistent moral will that is in Jesus Christ to keep the commandments of God. Our feelings are a by-product of this moral agency or will. Feelings are secondary to the truth and our obedience to God’s Word.

    But in Mormonism, the false god of feelings takes such a front seat, that the love of God is drowned in human love. So “loving others as ourselves” take first priority, rather than loving God with all our hearts, soul, mind, and strength. So it is not that Mormonism teaches us to ignore God, but rather, it teaches us to love family and human beings more than the truth. It subtly moves us away from the Word of God to one’s own feelings on the matter.

    So, Trixie, the feelings you felt in scene three were your own. Then you incorrectly associated it to Jesus Christ’s love. That is the Mormon deception at its core. It is a love affair with others and self. It’s not about worshipping God. It’s about worshipping the love found in human beings--worshipping our feelings. Mormons do believe in God, but that is the “second” commandment in Mormonism. God’s truth and the Word take second place. Whereas Jesus clearly explains a man must be willing to leave all things—even family—for the truth’s sake (which is honesty, integrity, honor, and so forth), the Mormons behave as though people and human love is the center of the gospel of God. But this notion contradicts the Word of God:

    “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26-28.)

    Why do we think Mormons can’t get past their feelings? My goodness, it is the God they worship. It is what they stand on. That is CLEARLY the false Jesus you were shown in your dream.

    In the third scene, the baby is you, but he is a BOY not a girl. Strange? Not really. Symbolically, the boy child represents the "woman's identity" in Mormonism. Because of the priesthood doctrine, the female is tied eternally to the male in the "LDS temple sealings" in which her salvation depends about that darn, false priesthood of the man. Women can't be just "women", they have to find a man to be saved and "take them through the veil". A woman's whole identity is tied to her male husband. Very sad indeed. IT IS FALSE! This naturally makes “priesthood girls” feel “grumpy". They depend on an imperfect, human man for their salvation and spiritual growth. Women in the Church handle these grumpy feelings, however, by taking the God-given gift of human love, in which women are abundantly blessed, and just like in your dream, they love THEMSELVES in their mixed-up identity, and they find comfort. Women in the Relief Society organization will network with their love to counteract the TRUE FEELINGS of grumpiness they feel. If it weren’t for this womanly love and fellowship, LDS women would be much more dissatisfied with the false doctrine. Their natural love helps them survive in Mormonism.

    The baby is being pushed in a stroller, representing the power and influence women have in “pushing” the Church, and yet, you are also trapped in a stroller. The strap represents the bondage of the LDS false priesthood, it being a part of the “church stroller”. It is wrapped around LDS women like a tight belt, holding them down, mixing up their identity. But because women believe the priesthood is truly from God, they accept the false priesthood, pick it up and strap themselves in tighter. The women take the instructions form “the brethren” and synch up the priesthood noose with tender love. As long as the women believe in the priesthood, they will be in bondage. So, you stop and strap yourself in tighter, because you believed in the false “priesthood strap” at the time of the dream, and you had accepted your mixed-up role, receiving the priesthood blessing the next day. Your action is done with much tenderness and love, which exemplifies the teachings in the LDS Church to love ourselves and others. But the action and love is always mixed with a false priesthood. It is absolutely the perfect description of a religion that is “half-true” and “half-false”.

    Although the prophets of Mormonism constantly preach to the men to “love their wives” in order to fix the suppressed grumpiness problem, it can’t really be fixed no matter what the husband is like. The LDS doctrine says the priesthood saves women. So the man saves the woman. A woman cannot escape that fact. That false doctrine is going to rub against the spirit of all women, no matter what the men do in kindness.

    (By the way, the truth is that Christ alone holds the Melchizedek priesthood, which is clearly explained in the book of Hebrews in the Bible. He is the ONLY HIGH PRIEST. There were no “High Priest” offices in the New Testament. When a woman or man invites Christ into their hearts, they immediately become priests and priestesses through Christ’s High Priest authority in him. Both men and women hold the “invisible authority” of Christ. Mormonism perverts the truth by establishing a false external priesthood, giving it to the man, then making him equal to God in authority—“the priesthood is the authority of God delegated to MEN”, etc. Christ never gives His authority to ANY HUMAN BEING. It belongs to God only.)

    Well, I think that covers each and every symbol and action in your dream. If I left something out, let me know. I’d be happy to try and answer any questions you might have about it. One thing is clear from your dream, Trixie, is you have a very powerful GIFT OF HUMAN LOVE. That is to be cherished!

    Your friend, Clare Gregory

    The next day, I posted more on the Internet:

    Trixie, I thought I was done, but more came. This is such a great dream. It explains all of the major false principles in Mormonism. The stroller represents the LDS Church, and the priesthood "straps us" into the LDS organization. But the "Church stroller" really takes us nowhere. It's like talking a walk around the block in a stroller as babies. We feel "secure and safe" in the Church, and we feel the "love" of our friends and our "spiritual mothers", but we just keep going around the block, and go nowhere in terms of theology, doctrine, and eternal life. Looking at the Church teachings since Joseph Smith and the changes in historical documents, the LDS Church just strolls calmly along, going around in circles. But like a stroller leaving from home always returns, the Church always returns the Joseph Smith, to the Church is true, and to the God of "good feelings". The false purpose of the Church is clearly seen in walking the baby: Feelings of "love, safety, and security" are more important that traveling on a road to the truth. This is why the REALLY tough questions and contradictions in Mormonism are never really answered by the LDS priesthood authority. The members withdraw into their stroller, strap up the priesthood, and are content with the "good feelings" they experience from their Mormon experience.

    Your dream is wonderful. Here is a summary of all the things it touches on:

    • 1. Loving feelings is the false God Mormons worship, not the Word of Truth.
    • 2. Perfectionism is a prime motivation. People work really hard to be "worthy" to live with God.
    • 3. Conflict of mind and feelings. Our minds say the Church is false because of contradictions with the Bible and historical evidence. But our feelings tell us it is true.
    • 4. Earthy principles of success is the spiritual diet of Mormonism.
    • 5. The religion creates great pain to those who are honest and don't fit into the "norm". Many tears are shed for those struggling to understand the truth and not just experience the social benefits of the Church.
    • 6. It is a half-true religion: Feelings of human love are mixedwith a false priesthood.
    • 7. The women have mixed-up identities having to find a man to be saved.
    • 8. The church strolls around in circles, never putting a theological path in place for the believer to answer the really tough questions.
    • 9. The false purpose of the LDS church is to make the members feel "safe and secure", not take them to Heaven nor to confront the truth.
    • 10. Satan deceives the members by making darkness appear as light.
    • 11. The members believe they have the power of God to save others with the false priesthood (temple work, priesthood blessing, etc.)
    • 12. Mormons love to socialize and talk among themselves.

    Wow! It's hard to believe how much is there. As I mentioned before, the gift of vision/dream interpretation is something God has given me. I've interpreted probably 30 or more dreams, some of my own, but most of others. In all cases, God doesn't waste any symbol, but always puts everything together so it all relates perfectly, just as He did in your dream. It's pretty amazing how He does it, actually.

    Just to let you know, I belong to a Church called the New Covenant Church of God. It believes in having dreams and visions. Christopher Warren is a minister of the Church, and on November 26, just two weeks ago, he saw a dream of the bombing of Saddam Hussein's palaces, which just happened yesterday. He posted it on the Internet two weeks ago, and we had no idea it was to be fulfilled so quickly. My only point is to show you that God does know about what's going on earth. Considering the unstableness of the world, it's probably not a bad idea to lean on God in faith, if you need to. Here's the web page. You can read the dream yourself. It predicts what happened just yesterday:

    Anyway, I know most people in this Bulletin Board think I'm a nut case, but that's OK. Mormonism is nutty, and that is my roots. I was born a Mormon, and when I started to discover the LDS Church was false, I felt I was alone and had no where on earth to go with the gifts that I had. I was led to the New Covenant Church of God, and am very happy with it. I thought you might know about it. You may or may not find some answers of interest. (I also attend the First Assemblies of God, which I've also enjoyed fellowshipping with.)

    Take care, Clare Gregory

    My Dream

    Having dreams and visions from the Lord is one thing, but understanding what they mean is an entirely separate issue. The interpretation comes by the Holy Spirit, but that Spirit works with the models and information we already believe in. The more spiritually ignorant and dirtier we are, the more skewed toward error are interpretations will be. On the other hand, the more pure and spiritually intelligent we are, the more accurate our interpretation will be. This by no means implies that if we misunderstand a dream, that we are definitely impure. But is could be. Remember that small children are pure, but they lack education in spiritual matters. So, it could be we just need more information to understand a dream or vision.

    Trixie’s dream is an excellent example of how our interpretations can change as we change our models of belief and obtain more information. I would also like to share a dream that I had that demonstrates with a second witness of how the operations of the Holy Spirit work. When I was twenty-two, I was struggling with the darkness I saw in the LDS Church, and I could not understand how such could exist in the “True Church” of God. I heard members testify that the Church was true, and that Joseph Smith was a prophet, but I seldom heard testimonies of Jesus and His saving grace. I would read the Book of Mormon and read stories of Alma the Younger or King Lamoni who testified they had been born of God and redeemed of the Lord, and yet, I did not hear the same testimonies in the LDS Church. What was in the Word and what came from the pulpit just didn’t seem to match each other. In my perplexities, one night the Lord gave me a very powerful full-color dream:

    I was vividly walking down a long hallway looking for the “door to heaven.” I wanted to make sure I went the right way to be eternally saved. I came to a door that was ajar, and opened it to find a very cluttered and unkempt room with a bunk bed on the right, a nightstand cluttered with paper to the left, and on top of the papers on night stand laid a Book of Mormon. I looked to the left, and to my surprise, I saw what felt was suppose to be the image of Joseph Smith. It definitely represented the Prophet in my dream. But, rather than a man, Joseph was a big chicken-type bird the size of a human, with long black feathers from head to food, and a long yellow beak for a nose. He was lanky and rather awkward looking. I looked at the bird and asked Joseph Smith if he had wrote the Book of Mormon on the night stand. His response took me by surprise. He shook his head “no”, and then the bird flew to the top of the bunk bed and shuttered, looking at me almost in fright, quivering at my question.

    Next, I turned and left the room and went out in the hallway, which turned into a large room, and I saw multitudes of people clamoring to get the attention of a being dressed in white. I could only get a glimpse of the back of his head in the distance, for so many people pressed forward, I could not see who it was. People we pressing with all their might just to get one finger to touch him. Then he turned his head, and I perceived immediately it was Jesus Christ.

    As a Mormon I interpreted this dream based on the presumption that the LDS Church is true. Even though I erred in a complete understanding of the dream, enough was clear that it helped me as a Latter-day Saint. Here’s what I wrote about the meaning of the dream before I left the LDS Church:

    “When I woke up, it was revealed by great power to my mind that Joseph Smith did not write the Book of Mormon. Jesus Christ did. Neither does Joseph Smith have any power to save any person, but Jesus Christ is the being in heaven that will get the attention, praise, and glory for our salvation. Jesus Christ saves us.

    I was left with a profound feeling that we ought never to lift a man up to be more than he is—no matter who that man is, even Joseph Smith. We should shift our attention off of man, and look at Jesus. Indeed, this is a prophet’s mission and purpose--to point the people to Jesus, and not to themselves.”

    Obviously, I did understand the basic message of the dream correctly—Jesus saves us. However, the fact is Jesus Christ did not write the Book of Mormon, but Lucifer did. I presumed that because the lanky, black chicken-bird shook it’s head “no”, I presumed that it meant Jesus wrote the book of Mormon, not Joseph Smith. The Holy Ghost was so strong in its witness of Jesus Christ, that my mind automatically mixed my false assumption about the Book of Mormon, thus making me conclude God told me by the Holy Spirit that Jesus Christ wrote it. It would have been IMPOSSIBLE for me to conclude anything else, for I believed with all my heart that the Book of Mormon was from God. However, if we look at the dream, the message from Jesus is clear. Joseph Smith was colored black, representing great darkness. He was a chicken-bird representing fear, the principle emotion that all darkness is built upon. And now I understand. The Book of Mormon was not written by Joseph Smith, but Joseph was used by the dark forces of Satan to produce the book. The rest of my understanding of the dream is correct. Jesus Christ saves us, not the false LDS priesthood, and not the LDS prophets. All praise and honor will go to Jesus Christ and the Father. No man will be glorified or praised in the eternal worlds, for we are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. We are saved by the grace of Almighty God. His name will be lifted up forever.

    My purpose in sharing these two dreams is to illustrate that what we have already chosen to believe directly influences how we understand the communication of the Holy Spirit of God to us. Perhaps someone who read this book have had similar dreams that they have completely misunderstood or that have been unclear because of false assumptions being made about the LDS Church. Not only is this true about dreams, but it is also true when we read the Bible. And for a Latter-day Saint who has been trained in the LDS interpretation of the Bible, the mind must change some of the basic paradigms to see the meaning of the Word. This book is intended to assist in the mental process of changing the belief structure of Mormons. By studying the Bible, and by prayer and meditation, the truth can become a foundation to build upon. The Bible truly will open up as we receive Jesus and take off the LDS lenses. With the correct Biblical foundation, this will help clear up the meaning of those old dreams that God may have revealed but are a mystery to some or even misunderstood.

    Or perhaps some have felt awkward having the meaning of a dream change over time. This chapter should may it clear that this is normal and should be expected to happen as we change our beliefs over time. We are all born into a world into a society that is spiritually filthy, and we can not avoid become drenched with stain and false concepts. These will skew our thinking and cause us to miss the meaning of the truth in the Bible, until we repent and become more pure by the Holy Spirit. And that’s OK, for it’s just like a little child that changes clothes as he grows up. But rather than physical clothes, we change concepts that we believe in.

    Finally, understanding the mind of the God comes only by the Holy Spirit.

    “But the natural man receiveth not of the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.” (1 Cor 2:14-16.)

    God is a mysterious Being who communicates only what he desires to reveal. Those who prepare to hear, will hear his voice. Those who harden their hearts and refuse to hear, will not hear. May we all read the Bible regularly that we may cultivate the gift of discernment.

    This page was first created on 23 January 1999
    Last Updated on 16 April 1999
    Created and Maintained by The New Covenant Assemblies of Yahweh
    Not all the views expressed in this book are necessarily those of NCAY