I have a lot of time on my hands these days. Too much, it often seems. I read and meditate a lot, and try to sleep when I can, though I am not usually so successful in that department. Three days ago I came off an opioid pain-killing drug which literally turned my world upside down and it's been hard to do much of anything what with the withdrawal symptoms. You lie in bed and your sins crowd in upon you. Prayers become repetitive and seem less and less sincere.

I really do feel sorry for prisoners, whether prisoners in institutions or those who are prisoners of their bodies or their circumstances, particularly if they are older and can no longer get around. It's worse if you don't particularly like yourself and start reviewing your life with all its failures. One thing that really upset me the other days was learning that one of Yahweh's most faithful servants, Elisabeth Elliot, who experienced the cold-blooded murder of her two missionary husbands (the third survived), in the end died of Alzheimer's, one of the most horrid diseases of our age, in my opinion. I have watched it close at hand devour a retired minister of ours up.

Finding shalom (peace) in the midst of trials, whatever they may be, is therefore great gain indeed. Forfeiting it can come about in many ways but chief of which I would say are:

• 1. Resenting Yahweh's ways;
• 2. Worrying as much as possible;
• 3. Praying only about things you can't manage yourself;
• 4. Refusing to receive what Elohim (God) gives;
• 5. Looking for shalom (peace) elsewhere than Him;
• 6. Trying to rule your own life;
• 7. Doubting the Davar Elohim (Word of God); and
• 8. Carrying all your cares on your own shoulders.

I'll not deny I have been guilty of several of these defects both before and since my operation. So easily our problems can be allowed to loom larger than life, and they get only bigger the more helpless you feel. Yesterday I spoke with the insurance agent about the damage done to our home following a flood and when I saw the cost of the repair work and the tiny amount of insurance we would be given, the thought of having gaping holes in the floor and ceiling for up to a year while everything dried out filled me with horror. I am a person who likes things to be neat, orderly, tidy and finished. I hate mess. I lost even more of my shalom (peace) thinking about this. Worse, because of my physical condition I knew I would not be able to do anything. My office is already in a shambles, books and papers scattered everywhere owing to the hurried evacuation we were forced to make to save as much as we could as the water poured out of the ceiling. So I have not been a happy camper. It has been a mean winter. I knew it would be, what with the really cold weather and abnormally high amount of snow, but I never dreamed I would be a victim of it more than having to save electricity to keep solvent and use up precious wood supplies. 'Flu during my recouperation, followed by a cold that started yesterday, has not added to my joy either.

This is all very ironic, and not a little shameful, when I consider how much I have written about preparedness, warning people to be self-sufficient for the coming crisis, when all I can do is stare at the really minor disaster that has struck me in a state of utter helplessness. But then aren't such vicissitudes common to us all? Of course. I am just disappointed by my poor handling of them. Bad show, says I.

'Don't forfeit your shalom (peace),' he says, while doing so himself. So I have had to do some refocussing at 4 o'clock in the morninh and this is that exercise in action. You cannot be effective, especially in ministry, without shalom (peace) so obtaining it according to godly counsel by any legitimate means possible - natural or supernatural - must rate high on my list of priorities today. So here is my attempt as we review half-a-dozen or so scriptures.

Promise #1:

"Great shalom (peace) have those who love Your Torah (Law, Teaching); nothing can make them stumble" (Ps.119:165, NRSV) or "nothing shall offend them" (KJV).

A person who loves the Creator's Law is under authority and therefore under the protection of that Authority. He is walking in alignment of the Derech Chayim or Way of Life. When he is doing this then, as Handley Moule observed, his "circumstances are the expression of Elohim's (God's) will". And though I may not much like the idea, it is reasonable for me to conclude that my helplessness and struggle with post operation miseries, my dire economy and the disaster with the flooding, can only be such a set of permissive circumstances to bring me to a righter relationship with Him. I'll have to chew more on that one before I say any more. Aside from this dark trio, things are actually pretty good.

Promise #2:

"Do not worry about anything" (Phil.4:6a, NRSV) or "don't worry about anything whatever" (JBP).

"In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to Elohim (God). And ('then'- NEB) the shalom (peace) of Elohim (God), which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Messiah Yah'shua (Christ Jesus)" (Phil.4:6b-7, NRSV)

I was about to say that men (at least the responsible ones) have a bit of a Hercules or Atlas complex in them because they think they often think they should carry the world on their shoulders, especially as family providers and protectors, but women really are no different. You ladies run around like busy bees doing much the same when you fret, feeling guilty when you're not doing something and making others feel guilty (consciously or subconsciously) when they aren't. So we'd better all pipe down, don't you think?

Promise #3:

"Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Mt.11:29, NRSV)

Promise #4:

"Shalom (peace) is My parting gift to you, My own shalom (peace), such as the world cannot give" (Jn.14:27, NEB).

Promise #5:

"Let the shalom (peace) of Messiah rule in your hearts...and be thankful" (Col.3:15, NRSV).

"Therefore, since we are justified by emunah (faith), we have shalom (peace) with Elohim (God) through our Master Yah'shua the Messiah (Jesus Christ)" (Rom.5:1, NRSV).

Promise #6:

"May the Elohim (God) of tiqveh (hope) fill you with all simcha (joy) and shalom (peace) in believing ('as you trust in Him' - NIV)" (Rom.15:13, NRSV).

Every regenerated (born again) believer abounds in tiqveh (hope) - it's one of the set of three gifts and blessings that accompanies emunah (faith): tiqveh (hope), simcha (joy) and shalom (peace)...not to forget the fourth, not mentioned in this scripture though implied within it, ahavah (love) and chesed (mercy). He is the Elohim (God) of all three. If you have Him, you have these, and more. And the goal is to be filled with them...to the brim. Tiqveh (hope) is the main operand here - it is what gives shalom (peace) its force.

Promise #7:

"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" (1 Pet.5:7, NRSV) or "cast all your cares on Him for you are His charge" (NEB).

Here is the reason - the motivation - for trusting the Saviour - He cares, you are His charge,..His responsibility, duty, custody. How do we know He cares? Because He was willing to lay His life down for us while we were yet sinners (Rom.5:8, KJV) and there is no greater love than this (Jn.15:13, NKJV).

Your confidence in all of these things will tear a channel through the fabric of doubt and bring you that confident assurance and sense of inner well-being that was the Saviour's final gift to His talmidim (disciples) before He left them for Calvary - His Shalom (Peace).

I put all of this to the test even as I wrote it. Last night, after weeks of only having had 2-4 hours sleep a night and waking up with panic attacks because I could not easily breathe because of all the post-surgery congestion, and instead of getting up and working through the night, I determined I would remain in bed for 8 full hours, fibromyalgia notwithstanding, and simply trust Yah'shua (Jesus) to work it all out for me. I will not deceive you and say I slept deeply, or that I did not get up briefly two or three times for a minute or two, or that I did not lay awake for extended periods, but I remained in bed from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. - a full 8 hours - without any panic attacks or coughing fits at all. I even used those few minutes when I sat up for breathing exercises even though my lungs and surgery wound hurt badly doing so. Yah'shua's (Jesus') Davar (Word) held true.

Today is a new day. My emunah (faith) still needs working on - improving and perfecting - as it does for all of us. The thing is, if we persist, we will not be disappointed. As those who have identified with the Messiah's death and resurrection through trusting, we are in His charge - His custody - His care, and quite literally. He is under an obligation or duty from the Father to minister to us, and He does so gladly with a super abundance of ahavah (love).

That is no small matter, nor is it anything to be scoffed at. It is all the more astonishing to consider that He remains our Guardian even when we are obnoxious and display precious little emunah (faith) toward Him at all. Moses, who was made guardian over Israel, complained bitterly over his countrymen's faithlessness:

"Did I conceive all these people? Did I beget them, that You should say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom, as a guardian carries a nursing child,' to the land which You swore to their fathers?" (Num.11:12, NKJV - see vv.10-15).

Well, actually - yes, he did conceive them in a spiritual sense when he assumed responsibility for them as a navi (prophet) and like a father led them out of Egyptian captivity. That is all a part of the burden of leadership. It's what Paul means when he said to the troublesome Corinthians qodeshim (saints, set-apart ones):

"Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Messiah, you do not have many fathers, for in Messiah Yah'shua (Christ Jesus) I became your father through the Besorah (Gospel)" (1 Cor 4:15-16, NIV).

And it's true - we don't have many spiritual fathers on earth because all too few are real men willing to shoulder the burdens of that calling, and love the people even when they are being obnoxious and abhorrent. The Remnant is going to need lots of such men because the Final Gathering and Final Exodus is on an altogether larger scale than the first one! It will be coming from all nations from many directions simultaneously. There are many pretenders to be sure, who want the perks of leadership (the power and influence) but not the heavy burdens and sorrows of genuine spiritual fatherhood. They want the accolades and recognition but not the abuse and tribulations of high office. Fortunately, Yah'shua (Jesus) and the "ten thousand" malakim (angels) are a lot better at taking that than we are. And remember that Moses, for all his faults, was willing to lay down his life in Yahweh's service. Most run away at the first sign of the trouble and abandon their flocks.

E.B.Pusey wrote:

"Whatever thy grief or trouble be, take every drop in thy cup from the hand of Almighty God. He with whom "the hairs of thy head are all numberered", knoweth every throb of thy brow, each hardly drawn breath, each shoot of pain, each beating of the fevered pulse, each sinking of the aching heart. Receive, then, what are trials to thee, not in the main only. but one by one, from His all-loving hands; thank His love for each; unite each with the sufferings of thy Redeemer; pray that He will thereby hallow them to thee. Thou wilt not know now what He will thereby work in thee; yet, day by day, thou shalt receive the impress of the loikeness of the ever-blessed Son, and in thee, too, whilst thou knowest it not, God shall be glorified."

[1] Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart (Revell, Grand Rapids. Michigan: 1995). pp.60-61