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    FAQ 65

    Would You, as a Patriarch,
    Marry an Older Woman?

    Q. I've noticed that in almost every polygamous family I have come across the women are usually younger than their husbands. But would you marry an older woman than you? And how much older?

    This is the normal pattern even in monogamous marriage - it just somehow 'happens' and I guess it is because that is what Yahweh ordained. I do most certainly believe, however, that there are exceptions. Just as there are older women who marry younger men in monogamous marriages, so I don't see why older women shouldn't marry in polygamous ones. So to answer your question, yes, most certainly, I would be prepared to marry an older woman. As to how much older, that is entirely up to Yahweh: for the Spirit that guides me in marrying younger women would be the same in guiding me to older ones. In other words, either way, I am guided first and foremost by Yahweh's will.

    This is a question I have thought through before and I have always been prepared to receive an older wife, even one who is substantially older than myself. What I do not believe in doing is marrying widows simply out of 'charity'. As a Christian/Messianic I (or the congregation I am in) have an obligation to take care of elderly widows but that does not necessarily involve marrying them.

    I can see how a patriarch might unscrupulously marry a rich elder widow in order to ingratiate himself with her money, or for some other dishonourable reason. As a New Covenant Patriarchal Christian who believes in marriage in the next life, I would not on principle marry someone who had been widowed from a believing husband, because I would fully expect the two of them to be reunited in the resurrection. Marrying them, to me, would therefore be - on the level of the Melchizedek Law (as opposed to the Mosaic which permits remarriage after the death of a spouse) - a kind of 'adultery', and therefore I would not wish to dishonour a deceased Christian/Messianic brother or his wife. And whilst on a Mosaic level such would not constitute adultery, in the higher law which I and my family live it would be. Other Christian/Messianic Patriarchs would, I know, take a different view, and that must be their privilege. They must answer to their own consciences.

    But if a husband dies without Christ then I would consider the matter fairly 'open' but with the caveat that Yahweh gives His permission to such a union. Otherwise I would expect to take care of the widowed wife of a believer like a sister or a mother.

    The age gap really doesn't make too much difference. After a certain age people do not, in any case, want sexual union, and so, again, the issue would be whether the marriage was an eternal one or not. True, many old people marry for companionship who may never consummate their marriage and whilst from a Mosaic vantage point they are not truly married, would anyone in their heart of hearts (in the Spirit of Christ, which is a Melchizedek Law) dare to say they were not legally married in the eyes of Yahweh? God forbid! Thus it is I strongly disagree with some Christian/Messianic Patriarchs who say that a marriage is not a marriage until it has been sexually consummated, for in my mind their thinking is carnal. Marriage is binding in the eyes of Yahweh even without sexual intercourse, for that is the heart and substance of BETROTHAL.

    So I would indeed marry an older woman - even a substantially older one, and contract a betrothal, and consider her to be my wife even without physical union. Whether a couple physically unite or not is entirely their business no matter what the age difference. And any disgust that some 'holier-than-thou' people feel about people with large age gaps marrying (in either direction) is reflective of their own dirty minds. Whom Yahweh joins together is His affair, not other men's or women's.

    As a matter of fact, I do know some polygamous marriages where at least one wife is older than her husband, one of which has a 10 year gap between them. And if I should some day meet a patriarch with a wife 20 or 30 years older (or even live that way myself), then I shall not raise a complaining voice, nor expect others to do so.

    Author: SBSK

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    First created on 15 August 2001
    Updated on 14 May 2016

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