Q. Do you find as a patriarch that you naturally gravitate to one wife more than another, for instance, because she's slimmer and prettier than the others? How much is your even-handedness a matter of mere will power and how much is genuinely 'natural'? What about age? Aren't the younger wives more attractive because they're more vigorous and passionate?
That depends ultimately on how deep your relationship with Christ is. If you are a carnal man centred in your flesh then you are going to be biased. That's the honest truth. But if your life is built on the Spirit and you have really admitted Christ into your heart, then you will view all relationships from the inside out.
I worried about this question when I first entered polygamy. As a Christian/Messianic I was aware of my flesh-nature and where it might lead me, as well as my spiritual nature, or Christ-nature. I was brought up in a culture where the ideal woman is slender, with a small bust and tall, but a few centuries ago the ideal woman was large, fat and with a large bust. I was initially influenced by the culture in which I was raised, to be sure, but since becoming a Christian/Messianic, and as my spiritual life has matured, I have discarded most of those cultural norms and expectations.
The ideal womanly form of the Italian Renaissance:
rounded, full hips and large breasts
I have wives who are both slim and tall as well as short, robust and with well-endowed busts. I love them from their hearts outwards. My attraction for them starts inside and and moves outwards. I can truthfully say that I enjoy all of them to the full and have no preference at all. I enjoy looking at all of them and I enjoy making love to all of them. I therefore have no 'type' preference at all because just as Christ broke down the partition between Jew and Gentile, so He has broken down the carnal partitions which fallen men erect in their preferences for one kind of woman over another.
Before I became a Christian/Messianic I was, like so many, influenced by popular astrology and was led to believe that I had to find someone 'compatible' with my birth sign in order to be happy. I have discovered this system to be a load of occult nonsense and superstition. My wives belong to the astrological houses which the occultists say are the most unsuitable for me! And yet we are doing wonderfully well together. Christ breaks down all these 'chemistry' barriers so-called because by the Holy Spirit He created a new man and a new woman that transcends all carnal limitations.
I am sure you'll find examples of polygamists who have the kinds of 'preferences' and carnal prejudices that our pagan cultures have - inevitably - but for me these problems do not exist any more. Christ is the bridge that links us together, not a temporary and fragile man-made physical or psychological construction. In Christ all racial, chemical, psychological, physical and cultural barriers are transcended. If they aren't, then there is a question in my mind as to whether the Christian/Messianic claiming this has truly yielded his life completely to Yah'shua (Jesus) really has. If he does, then I know without a shadow of a doubt that all obstacles can be overcome.
So, no, I do not gravitate to one wife more than another. If I am with one wife more than the others if because the others are, for example, away, then I long for the others' return. Of course, if a wife falls out of the Spirit then I must admit that I am repelled by her, for it is the spiritual life that attracts me above everything else. Making love to a women full of jealosy for her sister-wives, for example, is shere hell, and is, for a spiritually-sensitive person, like uniting with a refridgerator, no matter how passionate she may be.
Therefore I would still maintain that if men and women truly give themselves to Yah'shua (Jesus) and make Him the Lord of their life, that polygamy is the most natural lifestyle that Yahweh has ordained, and the most satisfying. The trouble is, most won't. I realise this is not 'politically correct' to many Christian/Messianic polygamists who feel such a statement is antagonistic to monogamists whom they are trying to curry sympathy amongst (many sincerely believe that what I believe is not true and that monogamy and polygamy may be said to be 'equal' - I respect them for that, of course). Since this lifestyle has demanded everything of me I do not feel inclined to try and appease monogamy-only people by modifying my doctrinal beliefs. I truly believe that polygamy is the crême de la crême of marriage for those men and women who wish to follow Christ all the way.
A last word about age. Yes, younger wives are indeed more 'vigorous' and older wives are more spiritually "mature" though I would dispute that they are necesssarily more passionate. I enjoy and value both the clumsy vigour of youth and the more self-controlled wisdom and tranquility that comes from being experienced. There is something special about the young and the old. I enjoy having wives of differing ages as much as I enjoy having teenage children and little toddlers as a father. They're all wonderful and, when together, have a way of balancing each other out.
The perfect woman from a Puerto Rican point-of-view
Of course, you and I know perfectly well that there are some people who wish to paint polygamist men as middle-aged perverts who only want young, slim and voluptuous sexual toys. I'm sure some fit category though I wouldn't want their kind of marriage for anything in the world because I can imagine what sort of a hell it would turn out to be.
The Mormons were accused of the same things as we evangelical Christians and Messianics are today. But when Mark Twain, that gifted but cynical atheist writer, visited Salt Lake City a century and a half ago and saw all the ugly women (as he termed them) married polygamously, he considered that the men were doing them a favour. I say this not to deride the Mormons (who had what the world calls 'pretty' wives too) but to illustrate the kind of nonsensical thinking that antagonists of polygamy stoop to (as exposed by Twain) in order to vent their prejudices.
The fact of the matter is that Christian/Messianic polygamists enter this mariage lifestyle for reasons entirely different to the libertines who practice 'serial polygamy' or the Cassanovas who simply jump from one bed to another for sport. We do so because of our deep love and committment to family life for which polygamy is ideally suited and because we are seeking for something that is imperishable far more than we are than the fleeting pleasures of this world. The Jezebels of this world, jealous of our happiness and success, may paint us with the same broad brush as they do the orgy-mongers (of which many are ironically a part), but the more discerning will know that this is nothing more than petty, infantile fantasy and propaganda. That Christians/Messianics are now taking up this ancient and successful form of family life disturbs the Christian/Messianic monogamy-only people (who in their arrogance assume they have scaled the summit of cultural and religious perfection) as much as it excites the wrath of the secular feminists and witches who believe that polyamory - free 'love' (preferebly with the women in control) - is the true paradise. The success of Christian/Messianic polygamy demolishes the latter entirely and challenges the smugness of the former which must either yield to, or deny, the Bible.
We do not gravitate to one wife more than another but we gravitate to the one and only Saviour and His Gospel to the complete exclusion of all the false messiahs, religions, gospels and worldly philosophies. I suspect that is what upsets people the most because they want some of the limelight for themselves. Polygamy fits effortlessly and completely naturally into the spirit of Elohim's (God's) Word, challenging trumped-up modernist assumptions about the virtues of Western civilisation, human rights, and a whole spectrum of other non-biblical ideas. The cheap political and social innovations of the secularists and occultists, with the USA leading the way, are their own witness: the near destruction of the family, 33% illigitimacy amongst Caucasians (68% amongst Afro-Americans), a 30-50% marriage failure rate, spiralling violence, militant homosexuality, and all the other evils we hear of. It is 'politically-incorrect' to say these things, of course, just as it was 'poltically-incorrect' for Yahweh's prophets to critcise and condemn the sinful aristocracy of ancient Israel.
But Christian/Messianic polygamists, who are in many ways latter-day prophets arraigned against our social ills, are speaking out none-the-less. They are a despised and riddiculed minority and the pressures upon them are great. But they are an ark of safety for a nearly vanished civilisation that once gave stability and hope to the world, and they will carry their message and lifestyle into the coming Millennium where the despised minority will become tomorrow's rulers. The world does not understand us and wishes to blacken our image as best they can, not because we are a perverted minority like sodomites, pedophiles, and others, but because we speak out against all the other deviant minority practices as well. Were we to blend into the pot pourri of different lifestyles and accept them as equally valid as our own, we might be accepted by the merging consensus of political sinners. As it is, we accept only three ways: celibacy, monogamy and polygamy. Everything else - sexual communism, sodomy, pedophilia, polyandry, polyamory and all the rest we brand as wicked. And that is why we will never be truly accepted in this cynical world even though we truly have our secret admirers.
Let the world gravitate to the prince of this world if they will, sad though this makes us and much as we try to warn them not to, but we shall gravitate to Christ and His truth. May you be blessed in your search for the light.