Q. Hi. My name is [..] and I'm bi. I've been living together with [...] (who's also bi) now for two years and we have a really cool relationship. But we're both looking for a man to settle down with permanently. So far the only men we've met only want a casual affair and so we've never been more than us two, so people think we're lesbians, which we aren't (I guess?). We became Christians a year ago and have stopped having sex with one another. Our Pastor told us we had to separate but we don't feel that's right. I admit we're still attracted to each other physically so what we're doing is by will power only. What can we do? We don't want to separate but we're afraid that the temptation might lead us into sin again. What should we do? Would there be a place for us in a polygamous marriage like yours?
I want to commend you for doing what you've done so far, that is, stopped sexually sinning, which shows how much you love and trust Yahweh. Accepting Yah'shua (Jesus) and your Lord and Saviour was the best decision in your life. His one desire is that you should be whole, happy and productive in your callings. But you are, however, in a difficult situation where, as you say, temptation is strong. Under ordinary circumstances - that is, in a monogamy-only culture - I would have to agree with your Pastor - it would be better to at least be living in different homes not only to avoid temptation but, given your past, the appearance of evil. However, since you are exploring the Patriarchal Marriage lifestyle there may be another forward for you both.
My short answer to your question is: yes, there's potentially a place for you in a polygamous marriage PROVIDED you continue in your present course if it is in Yahweh's will. Realising that practicing homosexuality and lesbianism are a sin is most important, but even more importanly than that is understanding that there is a CURE for this psychological illness. Lesbianism, of which bisexuality is a 'local' infection, brings with it demonic bondage which is why it is so addictive. The cure for lesbianism and bisexuality is:
I know of several lesbians and bisexuals who have been freed and who are now living normal lives. The demons of perverse sexuality are not, however, easy to dislodge if the victims WANT to maintain their lifestyle and sexual habits. That is why I say recognition that it is a sin, and a desire to be free, are absolute prerequisites. The fact that you two have voluntarily abstained from sex for a year tells me that this is your desire.
- (a) Recognition that its origin is demonic;
- (b) A desire to be a normal heterosexual; and
- (c) Deliverance ministry.
As to whether polygyny is right for you is a matter only Yahweh can resolve for you. It may well be that you are to part company as friends and enter separate monogamous or polygamous marriages. There is the real possibility that being married to the same husband will place temptation before your path in a different way, for although healing absolutely can take place, Satan will, for the rest of your lives, try to get you to fall into old sinful practices again. This is true of any old sinful behaviour. On the other hand, the reason why you feel so strongly to stay together may well be because you are called to be sister-wives and that the initial 'recognition' of this led you wrongly to suppose that the attraction was sexual in nature ... or ought to have been sexual in nature (from a bisexual point-of-view). For there IS a very special bond between sister-wives in patriarchal polygyny which has no comparison with any other kind of sisterly relation. It is quite unique. If I have understood your history correctly you have never had a relationship with any other women - either of you - and this MIGHT be an indication that your fall into bisexual lesbianism was a case of misunderstanding. Whether it is, or whether it was something else that brought you into close physical contact, can only ultimately be know by you and Yahweh.
You are, in any case, on the right track. My advice is that unless you are seriously investigating polygyny that you follow your Pastor's advice and live separately for now, if for no other reason than to avoid the APPEARANCE of evil. However, I think that is something you both must seriously place before Yahweh and get His answer for it is not Yahweh's will that you should rebell against a Pastor unless he is very clearly in the wrong, in which case you should withdraw from his church. Though I do not know your Pastor I can only think that he is trying to be faithful to the Scriptures and to send a signal to bisexuals or former bisexuals, who do not have your strength in the local congregation, not to think they're being given the green light to move back together again so long as they're 'Christian'. In other words, he would not want to lay stumbling blocks before weaker Christian bisexuals or former bisexuals. Though you two may well have the will-power not to sin again, you, like others who have had former issues, must ensure that you aren't upsetting weaker brethren and sisters. It's the Christian/Messianic principle of self-limitation and sacrifice.
I can think that some polygamous families would be willing to consider you as prospective wives in view of the circumstances though I can't obviously vouch for any family I do not know. Had you been in sexual relationship still my answer would have been a definite 'no' until you had been celibate for at least a year. As I am sure you will appreciate most spiritually-minded patriarchs could not, and would not, take the risk of introducing a demonic presence into their household caused by sexual sin. But since you are genuine believers who do not wish to give offence to Yahweh, and have remained sexually clean for a year, then I must say in all truthfulness that you will likely find families warmly disposed towards you both. Had there been others involved in your relationship (men or women) then the more spiritually-minded patriarchs' answer would almost certainly have been: break all ungodly relationships, go and get deliverance ministry, live a life of chastity, and then come back in a year's time. By that time those who are living close to Yahweh usually know what they're supposed to be doing, where they're supposed to be, and whom they're supposed to marry (unless it is to return to an abandoned husband - many lesbians and bisexuals abandon their marriages and are obliged by the Law of Yah'shua/Jeses to return to their husbands in most circumstances). We would be happy to counsel and pray for you as you work this through. May Yahweh bless you for your faithfulness and love!