I was reading a centre-spread article in a well-known conservative secular newspaper the other day which a member of my family had brought to my attention on the subject of older husbands being married to younger wives. The journalist-author was particularly interested to discover why younger men were losing out in the marriage stakes to older ones and why young women were choosing husbands often twice their age. In interviewing a large selection of couples she discovered to her surprise two interesting things:
I was particularly interested to read the case histories of the young women in particular. And whilst they knew that they would be widowed young, that their elder husbands would not be as sexually vigorous as men nearer their own age, their consistent conclusion was that the modern young man was so intellectually vaccuous and so emotionally puerile that he couldn't even hold a cohesive conversation or address what for a woman is important to her nature, namely, the ability to emotionally relate. What all these women wanted was was soul-communion before anything else.
(1) The older men preferred younger women not necessarily because they were more sexually attractive but because they were more mouldable; and
(2) The younger women preferred older men because they were more intellectually stimulating and emotionally sympathetic.
The journalist had interviewed many young men to find out where they were going wrong and discovered that they had been so conditioned by the media to present themselves as sexual studs, and were brought up on an intellectually-stunting diet of computer games and the bar culture, that they were, to all intents and purposes, intellectual and emotional retards. The young women were more than cogniscent of this sorry state and decided, in the end, better to be married to a maturer man with intellectual depth and emotional sensitivity than a vaccuous sex-machine.
What particularly interested me about this report was that it came from the secular press and a woman journalist. One thing that polygamist men who marry younger women are accused of is being 'dirty old men'. And no doubt there are some who fit that description to the bill. But such is to ignore what is going on around us in our degenerate culture. And the fact is that women, who by nature are more spiritual than men, are simply disgusted with the men of their own age around them. The result is that fewer and fewer young men are now marriagable material.
As a polygamist man married to both women nearly my own age and very much younger than myself I have been able to make some observations in favour of both. If a man is willing to cultivate his mind and yield his heart to tenderness - that is, become a cultured man or a gentleman, he will discover that he has the natural and non-compulsive ability to positively influence a young wife in the ways of Yahweh that will at the same time be very attractive to her. The bond that I share between both my older and younger wives is deep, and the age-gap, initially pronounced at the beginning of marriage, has somehow narrowed to the point of no longer being visible on the spiritual plane. If you build your marriage on spiritual principles you soon discover that age doesn't make any difference at all in a relationship.
There are, to be sure, both advantages and disadvantages to marrying a younger woman, and an older one. Older women coming to a marriage tend to bring a maturity that is relaxing and assuring, but at the same time can be very set in their ways and as a result find it more difficult - particularly if they have previously led very independent lives - to yield and submit in all things as required by the Word. Younger women coming to a marriage bring energy and vitality that can move it in exciting ways. They are also mouldable and find it much easier, as a rule, to submit to their husbands. But lacking in maturity, they can often make glaring mistakes that can be a great frustration. For both older and younger wives, what you gain on the roundabout you lose on the swing. Both bring their blessings and problems.
One of my wives is 25 years younger than I am (in 2002) but I have a relationship with her that is every bit as deep and joyful as with my elder wives. For me personally, what has been the most satisfying, has been the privilege to train her up in the ways of Yahweh from an early age and to watch her mature at an astonishingly fast rate. She began councelling at the age of 22 and continues to surprise those whom she ministers to with her wisdom. There is a depth and peace about her that is rare in women of her own age, something which she repeatedly expresses gratitude to her Heavenly Father for. In a world where men and women alike are shallow and selfish, I know that she has an important ministry in the future, especially when I am gone. I go to great efforts to train my wives up in the Gospel and have been blessed by the fruits I see.
I believe also that a time is coming - an evil time - where getting married and having children will be nigh impossible for believers because of the persecution that Yahweh's people are going to face worldwide. Such times have existed throughout Christian/Messianic history and there was one period, mentioned in the Pauline epistles, which persuaded the apostle to counsel the saints to stay single "because the days are evil" (Ephesians 5:16, KJV). I can therefore see, in the light of our own era, why Yahweh might want younger women to marry older patriarchs now - to raise godly families while they can so that when the days of great tribulation are upon us, and their children are grown-up and serving Yahweh, they will be freed to be the kind of ministers which will be so vital in those times. That, at any rate, is how my youngest wife is preparing herself mentally. She knows that she will be without me, her husband, at a time in the future, but that she will have a full-time ministry serving the Messianic Community or Church in its hour of desperate need. And that is what she has devoted her life to, until we can once again be reunited in heaven or in the resurrection here on earth. (Tragically she did not stay the course decided, in a moment of irrationality when under great pressure, to 'try out the world' to her, and our child's, terrible cost).
So this is one reason why younger women want to marry older men - both for personal and spiritual reasons. You may have noticed in the newspapers a whole spate of younger women marrying older film stars and other celebrities. Even these secular women had reasons similar to those of a more spiritual turn. And it wasn't just their money they were after for many of them had personal fortunes of their own. (See Age Gap in Marriage: A Biblical Perspective for a fuller study of this phenomenon).
What I hope this article will do is send a signal to younger men to get their act together and to start cultivating their minds and softening their hearts. There are many eager young bulls who have entered the polygamy arena who think that by flexing their biceps the women will come running to them. They are in for a very rude awakening. What they need to understand is that women want men who are interesting to talk to, are sensitive enough to understand their feminine dispositions, and who can understand that sex isn't everything. In short, they have to completely reprogram themselves to think in the opposite way that our sexually-obsessed liberal anti-culture has taught them. Because if they don't, they are likely not only never to be polygamists but probably end up single! If they behave as sex-toys that is the way they will be treated - as sex-toys, and then be unceremoniously dumped when they fail the maturity test the raising a family requires.
The pool of unmarried and unmarriageable macho muscle-men and butch feminists is getting bigger and bigger, their sexual relationships becoming shorter-lived and ever more shallow. We live in a degraded culture where having a 'sex-buddy' is not fashionable - 'relationships' (if they can even be called that) exist only for recreational sex. In many ways they deserve each other. This ever-expanding, unattractive, angry, restless and violently competing pool of spiritless animal energy is having the desirable of effect of spitting out the false men and women of Yahweh and bringing them to a realisation - albeit somewhat late in the day - that they have got to do some radical character reforming if they are to ever create happy, secure marriages. We need teachable young men who will put aside childish robes and rise up into their callings as patriarchal men of Elohim (God). Until that happens, young women of Elohim (God) will preferentially seek our older, wiser and more sensitive men who can give them stability and permanence.