11. MARRIAGE: Yahweh's Perfect Choice
As we love Yahweh with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength He has promised us in His Word that "no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11b). The Bible also tells us that "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from Yahweh" (Prov.18:22).
Marriage was Yahweh's idea. Marriage was Yahweh's good thing for man. When Yahweh put Adam and Eve together in the garden He pronounced that "it was good". Because marriage is Yahweh's plan, He has given us specific guidelines in His Word to help us choose a perfect mate. Yahweh has also set down in His Word certain parameters to guide single adults in their conduct toward one another.
I. Finding Our Marriage Companions
11.1. What is Yahweh's plan -- what is His good thing? (Genesis 2:18-25)
11.2. Who chose the mate for Adam? (Genesis 2:22)
11.3. Who gave King David his wives? (2 Samuel 12:8)
The Bible shows that when Yahweh gives a man his wife or wives that such men and women are blessed by Him. There are many such examples in Scripture. Yahweh used Leah and Rachel, two of the four wives of Jacob (Ya'akov), to bless him and create the nation of Israel. Thus Hebrew women are blessed with the invocation: "Yahweh make the woman who is coming to your house like Rachel and Leah, the two who built the House of Israel" (Ruth 4:11).
Let us look at the story of Isaac (Yitshaq) and Rebekah (Ribqah); their story is another example of Yahweh's choosing a mate for those who serve Him. In this story, Isaac represents all those who have been born again to the promise. We see this reflected in Galatians 4:28, "And you brethren, like Isaac, are children of promise". Abraham, who is a type of our Heavenly Father, sent his servant out to bring a wife for his son.
11.4. Who was the one who had chosen the wife for Isaac? (Genesis 24:12-27; especially v.14)
11.5. What type of girl was Rebekah? (Genesis 24:16)
11.6. Yahweh had chosen Rebekah for Isaac. What was Rebekah's attitude toward Yahweh's choice for her life? (Genesis 24:58)
11.7. What was Isaac doing when Yahweh brought Rebekah to him? (Genesis 24:63)
11.8. Did Isaac and Rebekah spend a lot of time dating and getting to know one another after Yahweh had brought them together? (Genesis 24:64-67)
11.9. What was Isaac's attitude toward Yahweh's choice for his life? (Genesis 24:67)
As with the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Yahweh calls us to be led by the Ruach (Spirit) in our male-female relationships, to walk holy and blameless before Him (1 Thess.4:1-6). Dating relationships are often based upon fleshy or worldly desires rather than upon a divine leading by the Ruach haQodesh (Holy Spirit). Even as we cannot obtain perfection or righteousness by the flesh (Gal.3:3), so we cannot obtain that deep love relationship with our future mate by efforts of the flesh. Our relationships need to be Ruach (Spirit)-led. In Psalm 37:4 we are assured that as we delight ourselves in Yahweh, He will give us the desires of our heart. Instead of frantically searching for a mate through what is known as romantic dating, we are admonished to seek Yahweh first and trust Him to bring our mates into our lives. Then, led by the Ruach Elohim (God's Spirit), we will not satisfy the lusts of the flesh, but will instead glorify Yahweh through those relationships which is Yahweh's "best" for us.
11.10. We must be careful that we do not employ worldly means to search for our life partners. What attitudes are in the world that are not from Yahweh? (1 John 2:16)
11.11. As we seek to do Yahweh's will in everything, including our choice for a mate, what assurance of stability do we have? (1 John 2:17)
Relationships which are based on the lust of the flesh and of the eyes can only bring hurt. Dating relationships are too often based on these principles. We may go out with those people who are going to make us "look" good in the eyes of others or with those who appeal to our flesh. We need only look at the results of the worldly dating system to see who the author of it is. One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Premarital pregnancies and abortions fill our countries. Almost every boy and girl involved in dating usually ends up with a broken heart somewhere along the way. Lives filled with broken relationships, hurts, emotional scars and rejection are what the majority of young people bring into a marriage relationship.
11.12. As Christians, how does Yahweh call us to conduct ourselves in our relationships with members of the opposite sex? (2 Timothy 5:12; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
11.13. With what are the unmarried to be concerned? (1 Corinthians 7:32; Matthew 6:32-33)
11.14. What are we as Christians exhorted to do? (Romans 12:1-2; Titus 2:12-15)
From these exhortations in Yahweh's Word, it is clear that Christians are called to conduct their relationships with the opposite sex in a different way from the way the world does. We are called to be motivated by the Ruach's (Spirit's) leading, not in the lust of the flesh. We are also instructed to conduct ourselves in a pure and holy fashion, fleeing from "youthful lust". Avoid getting yourselves in situations that could stir up worldly lusts. Treat members of the opposite sex as your very own brother or sister.
A question that often arises in the minds of believers is: "I'm afraid if I trust Yahweh to pick out my mate, he/she will be someone my heart does not desire -- some strange person." Since Satan always desires to present Yahweh as One who wants to give man a "bad deal", it is obvious who inspired these doubts.
11.15. What does the scripture say? (Matthew 7:9-11)
11.16. As we trust in Yahweh for His choice for our mate, of what can we be assured? (Psalm 37:4-5,7; Proverbs 18:22; Psalm 84:11; Proverbs 19:14)
11.17. On what should our choice of a mate be based? (1 John 2:17)
We would encourage you in Yahweh to cease walking by sight and to walk by faith. If you do this, you will join with the hundreds of young people who have seen the truth of this message and are now walking in the great liberty of Ruach (Spirit) that this truth brings with it. The mates that Yahweh has for you will add completion to your lives at every level. His choice will be perfect for you. As you commit this area of your life to Him, you will know the great blessing of being free from concern and from divided interests; as a result you will be able to give undistracted devotion to Yahweh. He will bring His perfect desire to pass in your lives. Remember, marriage is His idea. Those young people who are married after this pattern -- not by the ways of this world but by the hand of Yahweh -- have marriages built upon the Rock, upon the perfect will of Yahweh. Because these marriages are based on the will of Yahweh, they abide for ever. They are eternal marriages, because Yahweh is eternal (Deut.33:27; 1 Tim.1:17).
Therefore, we would exhort Christian young people (as well as older single people) not to seek to be conformed to this world but to dare to believe Yahweh for those perfect choices. This plan works for those who are totally committed to Yahweh. Those receiving the leading of the Ruach (Spirit) are those seeking the Kingdom of Elohim (God) first - not mates - and those who are about their Father's business.
"...I know whom I have believed and I am
convinced that He is able to guard
what I have entrusted to Him until that day."
(2 Timothy 1:12, NIV)
Write down and memorise the following verses: Psalm 37:4
Recommended Resourse Materials:
1. Christopher C. Warren, Whom Should I Marry? (3 parts) in Collected Sermons, Vol.2, Jan-Mar 2001 (New Covenant Press, Arvika, Sweden, 2001, pp.35-41, 50-63) or www.nccg.org/321Art-Marry1.html
2. Christopher C. Warren, How Should Christians Select Marriage Companions? in New Covenant Witness (NCW), No.45, April 1997, (New Covenant Press, Bekkestua, Norway, 1997, pp.43-51) or www.nccg.org/FAQ068-Marriage.html
3. Stanislaw Królewiec, The Truth About Christian Marriage (New Covenant Press, Arvika, Sweden, 2003) or www.nccg.org/fecpp/book
4. NCCG.ORG Website, Sex, Romance, and Marriage (www.nccg.org/sex.html)
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