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    A22. Mourning as a Part of Deliverance

    It often surprises clients who go through deliverance to discover that a part of the process involves deep personal grief. Moreover, this grief does not have to be the result of working through something as traumatic as SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) but involves all of us. Indeed, the reason I am writing this article today is both because a recent client has been going through intense mourning over the way she has hurt her Heavenly Father because of her behaviour in the past and because I have been going through the same over something completely different but nevertheless just as real to me. Indeed, this deep mouring is a part of the awakening and healing of the human heart. It should not, therefore, be regarded as something shameful, weak, or disgraceful. Yah'shua (Jesus) Himself said: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt.5:4, NKJV). Mourning is a part of the cleansing process of becomig whole in Christ.

    We all mourn for different things but things I have noticed that victims of abuse frequenty grieve over having hurt God and having lost so much time as prisoners of Satan and their satanist captors. We can grieve over how stupid we were for believing lies for so long and our failure to get fixed when Yahweh opened numerous doors for us. We remain prisoners of circumstances not so much because there was no escape route but because we were kept in bondage to fear. This is an issue that every victim of sin has to confront whether in this life (as part of the liberation process) or the next one (when it is usually too late).

    For most people, the whole concept of repentance - of feeling godly sorrow for sin (and, yes, victims sin too, for believing in Satan's lies even if they are not guilty of the abuse heaped against them) and changing life-direction away from the occultic paradigm of self- and/or human-worship is something they want to shy away from as being something 'inferior' or 'weak'. This, though, is another lie Satan has fed us all. Like the gift of pain which is to help us avoid or effectively respond to life-threatening situations, mourning is a part of the cleansing process of the heart. It is not a function of the mind though the mind plays its part. The apostle James writes:

      "Elohim (God) resists the proud,
      But gives grace to the humble."

      Therefore submit to Elohim (God). Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to Elohim (God) and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of Yahweh, and He will lift you up" (James 4:6-10, NKJV)

    What James is not saying is that we should go and put on an 'act of mouring' as many of the professional mourners used to do anciently and indeed still do in some cultures. What he is saying is that you cannot omit mourning and expect to be healed. Its purpose is to finally overcome pride because mourning requires that (a) you make yourself vulnerable, and (b) climb out of the inner fortresses against being hurt. Mourning is controlled pain ... the divine way. It is ultimately soothing. It is ultimately redemptive. And so long as victims refuse to yield to it, they are only delaying inner healing.

    Humility, of course, is something entitely despised by occultism and Satanism. It is regarded as the province of the weak. They could not commit a graver error in so believing. The body responds to this belief in a lie and act of denial by splitting (partially or totally, depending whether there is associated trauma) the personality into parts. There is a man (a Satanist of some 'rank') who has more or less been constantly writing me emails from a coven that a client of mine is from. He recently appeared in our Deliverance Club and sat there monitoring what was going on having first posted a malevolent picture of the Eye of Horus to intimidate and trigger SRA victims there, and in particular any one who might be seeking escape from his coven in Sweden. I have never answered him as he is presently a captor and abuser rather than one seeking freedom. He does, however, illustrate the splitting of which I am talking perfectly. He oscillates between this feelingless state where is mind is very sharp, active, ruthless, and cold (thoughly hopelessly deceived in his intellectual alertness) and an emotional state that can only be described as infantile. This is, of course, how Satan works on all his followers - he retards their emotional growth and the soul, to compensate, correspondingly develops more brain-power, far more than your average person. It is the same with, for example, blind people - their sense of hearing and touch accentuates to compensate for the loss of sight.

    But the life of the soul is not in the brain - it is in the heart, and it is therefore the heart that Satan deliberately retards and leads his blind followers to develop a sense of pride and achievement in what the brain can accomplish ... for evil ends, of course. It is a vast illusion but enough to appeal to that part of the fleshy nature called pride. Pride remains, in my considerable experience in this kind of work the #1 obstacle to deliverance. But confronting it necessarily means releasing the heart from its artificial prison so that it can feel, throb, be vulnerable ... and mourn.

    Satan fears nothing more than a pure heart. Though he seduces the heart by offers of power, money, unlimited sex, occult secrets, and the like, it is not long before he starts subverting and narcoticising the instrument of his seductive advances because he knows the heart can so easly turn around when it has seen the light of truth to deal him a fatal, expelling blow. So he goes about putting it into slumber by accentuating the powers of a mind without conscience. He can never do this entirely - indeed, conscience can never be extinguished, only suppressed. This can either be done voluntarily or by trauma leading to MPD (in the latter, one alter holds the painful memories while the original one retains the power to emotionally feel in illusiory ignorance). Either way, it is unnatural and the one thus suppressed is a seathing volcano waiting to erupt at any moment. Mourning is Yahweh's gentle way of releasing that raw, seathing, pent-up energy in a positive, constructive, healing way. Fits of rage and anger are signs that mourning needs to be done, that repentance is not complete.

    You will note that James insisted: "Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom". This was not because he was a kill-joy or didn't believe people couldn't have fun. Laughter and joy are gifts of Yahweh. But when they are used to cover pain, then they serve an evil rather than a good purpose. And don't we all do it? Don't we try to laugh our problems away sometimes? Then it simply becomes a narcotic - a means of keeping the raging feelings passive by sending them to sleep ... for a while. This happened with King Saul, an evil and highly demonised man, whom the shepherd boy David was able to temporarily sooth with his spiritual music. Saul heard light and truth through the music and praise lyrics, but like all things godly, it had a double effect: for that which is holy pacifies and soothes the light side of the soul while enraging the passions (usually jealosy and pride) of the dark side.

    Satanists believe that hate is the most powerful force in the universe. It is a massive delusion because it is a force that ultimately spends itself. No matter how much they hate they cannot destroy their hearts - all they can do is keep that which is godly and human temporarily at bay, and usually at a tremendous price. What the heart needs is to repent and mourn and expell those subversive forces called demons who are mere parasites exploiting their hosst for all they're worth. They do this by fuelling hate and enthroning pride instead of humility on the throne of a man's soul.

    Pride admittedly doesn't like humility because humility is its death-knoll. Yah'shua (Jesus) deliberately accentuated the divide between the two and forced His hearers to make a choice for one or the other:

      "But woe to you who are rich,
      For you have received your consolation.
      Woe to you who are full,
      For you shall hunger.
      Woe to you who laugh now,
      For you shall mourn and weep"

      (Luke 6:24-25, NKJV).

    One of the greatest lies than man believes is that he can be self-sufficient (full). He wants to make it alone, to be his own master or her own misstress. It's a complete and total fallacy. We were not made that way - nor, for that matter, were the angels, which is why Satan is so utterly dependent on us, his parasitic hosts. If Satan is as great as he says he is, why doesn't he just leave paltry humans alone and go and built an kingdom for himself in some corner of the universe with his other angels and be his own master there? The truth is he can't because he is not an independent being - only Yahweh our God is fully independent for only Yahweh is immortal. The reason Satan gives so much attention to us is for the same reason tapeworms only take up residence in human guts - he has no choice if he wants to survive. The tapeworm may at first sight seem a forbidable foe, wasting its host down to skin and bone as it sucks the life forces out of him, but all it takes to be rid of that tapeworm is a drug which flushes it out. I have seen that operation in the Far East and it is not a pretty sight. The man drinks this cascara-like substance and literally has to sit there while this HUGE worm emergies from his rectum - yards and yards of it. Tape worms are incredibly long, but their presence in the body is actually quite a tenuous one. It has a head full of hooks which it buries into the walls of the alimentary canal. Once it is forced to release that grip, it simply slides out of the system into a pile on the ground or into a bucket.

    Satan is no different. He gains access to us the moment we believe lies, and then he has his hook into our system. The essence of deliverance is exposing lies with truth and persuading the victim to believe that truth. Once that happens, it is a simply matter of flushing demons out like tapeworms. It can be a bit of a jolt to the system but those who have experienced deliverance will tell you they never want to go back to their former condition. And those who have not been delivered remain that way simply because thye continue to believe in the devil's lies and illusions.

    I myself have been going through some mourning recently. And it happened when I came to the point of heart-level realisation that I had wasted years of my life fruitlessly teaching at a secular school, knowing that I was bound and gagged from teaching the Gospel and that all I was doing was teaching unsaved children to become clever unsaved children. It was years down the drain because I know Yahweh had called me out of that profession years before but I did not, at that time, trust Him to provide me with the economic means to live. My false belief that I was dependant on my secular salary - the lie - was what kept me in bondage for years. I did not trust Him to provide in that area. In fact He had to take me to the very brink of disaster medically-speaking to get me to leave, and when on the last occasion I heard His voice speak directly to me, I left so fast that I never looked back. I suppose part of the reason I have throwen myself so fully into the ministry is to make up for that lost time, even though I was quite productive at that time too, but with divided loyalties.

    Over the years since leaving by place of employment I would have dreams of going back again and again and again and again to my former place of employment, drawn by some invisible force there to a place I hated and loathed but which for some mysterious reason still had a grip on me. I discovered why in the end and began to deal with an area of spiritual bondage. Today I dreamed I returned but to say goodbye ... in my heart. I discovered that my job was no longer my mother ... my nourisher. And it was painful - it was like saying farewell to a mother who had just died or whom one would never see again. And it hurt - it really did. But I let my heart play its music of mourning and finally cleansed the illusion out of myself. I finally said farewell and severed the emotional binds.

    The whole of this wretched planet, sin-stained and -soaked because of rebellion and believing in Satan's lies, has to go through this process too - and that includes Satanists, every last one of them. This is not something they can escape. Everyone will mourn indivdually and nationally. Only if they wait until the Last Day it will be too late for them to escape the torment of hell. Yah'shua (Jesus) says:

      "Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken. Then the sign of the Son of Man [Yah'shua/Jesus] will appear in heaven, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man [Yah'shua/Jesus] coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. And He will send His Malakim (angels) with a great sound of a trumpet, and they will gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other" (Matt.24:29-31, NKJV).

    So what are you going to do? Continue to surround your heart with iron-cast plates in the hope that you can shield your feelings from the truth? Your soul is crying out! There is a child in there - a little boy or a littrle girl - waiting to get free. And yes, I am talking to victims and abusers alike, for both are victims in the end. You have an opportunity to be free, but to do so, it means renouncing the devil (who will finally flee if you resist him) and opening your heart up to Yah'shua (Jesus) so you can properly mourn. Will that cost you anything? Repentance always costs, but it is a small price for the service rendered. Yah'shua (Jesus) said:

      "Can the friends [disciples] of the bridegroom [Yah'shua/Jesus] mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast" (Matt.9:15, NKJV).

    To fast means to deny yourself of food. But it can also be more general. To fast, in the wider sense, is to deny your flesh of things it either needs (like food and water) or thinks it needs (like sinful behaviour). Yah'shua (Jesus) said:

      "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works" (Matt.16:24-28, NKJV).

    One reason the deliverance of some clients goes so extremely slowly is over the issue of vulnerability (and trust) that leads to mournning, but very much coupled to this is a state of mind, conditioned by Satanists, called self-preservation. The survivors of SRA who make the most progress the quickest are always those who are willing to take the risk of 'letting go' and losing their lives. They become so consumed in their love of Yah'shua (Jesus) that they forget about themselves and their needs and simply give and minister to others like themselves, even risking their lives to do so. And in losing themselves, they find themselves. By contrast, those who go and hide away and try to do things on their own, guarding themselves carefully so as to avoid possible hurt, tend to progress painfully slowly. I am not saying it is easy or that I myself am a rôle model, only that this is a cosmic principle that cannot be eluded if a full deliverance is earnestly striven for. Only the risk-takers finally make it. Those who are looking for certainties apart from faith rarely leave the caves of their imprisonment. For them life is merely a continuous procession of dark clouds with occasional glints of light. And the reason they don't is because they don't know what it is like to have loving parents. Their darkness becomes mother and father to them, a deceptive, amniotic (womb-like) embrace, a perverse substitute.

    Ultimate success consists of the freedom of the heart to mourn and be cleansed. Success in the world - by either honest or evil means - can never compensate for a failure to break loose from the cords of hell inside the soul. Deep down every survivor and abuser knows this and what stops them reaching out for deliverance is fear - the fear to reveal themselves as they truly are - emaciated children in need of deep love, nurture and care. It shames adults that inside they are emotionally like children. But this is no shame. It is not necessarily their fault that they are retarded in this way and even if it is, there is no greater joy than for caregivers to nurture those who are open and receptive. Our Father in Heaven Yahweh, and our Mother the Ruach (Spirit), delight in this. Those who are in Christ are protective and nurturing like fathers and mothers and will not be repulsed by children in adult bodies. It really is OK. There is that child in all of us and, I suspect, it will always remain, so that we can retain that bubbliness and carefreeness of youth. Yes, parts of us must mature into responsible, sacrificial, social beings, and that will happen. The important thing is to let this happen in Yahweh's own time and way (Eccl.3:4). SRA victims aren't the only people who have never been allowed to grow up - countless billions of 'ordinary' people are the same, in different ways. This is a universal human phenomenon and the victims of SRA are by no means freaks or abnormalities. There is hope for them as there is hope for all.

    This page was created on 10 November 2004
    Last updated on 10 November 2004

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