Mending Our Royal Robes - Tamar - NCCG.ORG Ning Network Archive 2008-10

by Sharon Merhalski

I am frustrated with the lack of HOPE/motivation that I observe in-- and hear from---many women. I have taught and counseled Christian women for almost twenty years and I have never heard women more defeated and beaten down. Why? has been my question for the past few years.

Women have more ‘things’, time, fewer children, and more opportunities than in previous decades and yet "ashes" (which symbolize mourning/grief) are being worn on too many foreheads---and not as a fashion statement!

In life we can mourn for different reasons: Mordedcai mourned the plot to destroy the Jews. Daniel mourned over the vision of Jerusalem’s 70 year desolation. Sometimes we mourn over our own sins... Sometimes over the death of animals, sometimes over the deaths of people in our own country and around the world. Sometimes we mourn over the future. Sometimes over the death of a loved one.

In the Bible and in many parts of the Hebrew world today the wearing of sackcloth and ashes is a symbol of grief. Sackcloth is very irritating to the skin and uncomfortable to wear. It reminds the person wearing it to grieve. (I have a linen outfit that I call sackcloth---and it makes me grieve wearing it...so I don’t.)

Ashes were --and are --a reminder that man will die one day and return to the dust of the earth. To put ashes on the head was, and in many parts of the world still is, a humble symbol of man’s need for God’s mercy. Those who covered their whole bodies in ashes were saying --without God they would be nothing.

As I was putting material together to teach at a conference the Bible account of Tamar seemed stuck in my heart. Tamar had a profound part in my choice to STOP---and CHOOSE-- to be healed from the scars of my childhood of abuse. When my pastor announced before Sunday School that God had woke him up in the middle of the night to change his Sunday School lesson I knew in my heart it was for me. As I intently listened I found myself in Tamar’s desolation.

I spent 14 years running from God --- keeping so busy FOR GOD I didn’t have time to face myself in a quiet moment. And I made very sure I had no quiet moments---times in my home without the sounds of music or teaching/preaching tapes, television or radio. I CHOSE to REFUSE to face myself long enough to question the unrest that was just below the surface of my life. I spent the last four of those years desiring to be used of God, desiring to submit my life to God’s perfect will, desiring to be able to trust Him with Sharon.

I did not understand the explosive situation that I lived in. It is true: Regardless of the cause of our problems we will either explode or implode if we do not download ourselves to God. Our downloading/confessing/opening all of our hearts to God enables us to deal with our pent up and often hidden issues of sin and pain. In doing so we can face ourselves in light of the Bible, and let the Word of God---the Balm of Gilead---heal us-- and the Holy Spirit change then change the way that we think, act, and react so that all God teaches us can be understood and used for His glory.

People deal with anger in two ways?

1. Explode: blowing up (ventilation) Energies released toward others, or towards things.
2. Implode: clamming up (Internalization). Energies released toward self.
3. Download: Where we can take our hurts and sins to God, ask Him to forgive us, shed the light of His Word on them and heal us from them.

Anger can easily turn to bitterness (which is an acid that eats us from the inside out). And anger can come from many circumstances: abuse, disappointment, divorce, illness, separation, a wayward child, loss of health, a move---change of environment, grief.....any reason. People must deal with it in one of these three way and two---exploding and imploding-- are sinful.

Like I once did, I see Christians---both men and women wearing sackcloth and ashes---in mourning over what they just KNOW they will
--never be
--never have,
--never experience
--never be able to change

And their ‘cries’---the tone of their words, their scornful spirits-- are truly haunting. It is sad to hear because our state of being is our choice. It is just a choice to surrender ourselves to God and repent of our sinful ways---our doubt, fears, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, bitterness --and decide to CHOOSE to believe God and His blessed Word so we can:

walk in the truth....
talk in the truth,
act in the truth of God.

Why Ashes Instead of Honor for Women?

In a study by Beth Moore titled "Breaking Free" she writes:

The dignity of women has been compromised for many reasons--

"Satan is actively and progressively pedaling the demoralization of women.

* Everywhere we turn Billboards, magazines, and commercials on television suggest that women were made for sensual pleasure and little more. They seem to suggest that women enjoy being related entirely to the lusts of the flesh.
* Girls are literally starving themselves to death to be model-thin so they can be the world’s definition of attractive.
* With the approval of their parents an alarming number of young teens are seeking plastic surgery to change the look of their bodies---to be more sexually appealing.
* Many influential women teach the hatred of men almost as a religion.
* Adult women are becoming more and more convinced that they must forsake femininity for professionalism.
* Homemakers sense that they are looked down on as unsuccessful and unmotivated.
* The growing acceptance of lesbianism as a way to strike out against the demoralization of women is presently a voice being heard all too often. What a deception!
* The answer is NOT in turning from men. The answer is turning TO God."

So many women are defeated and hurting for so many reasons. And because of their undealt with hurt women are too often downtrodden--wearing ashes instead of a crown.

Let’s stop and consider Tamar in II Samuel 13.
Tamar was the King’s daughter.

Tamar’s brother Amnon became so ‘vexed’ (which means: so troubled, disturbed, distressed, afflicted) he let his feelings rule his actions. And friends, feelings are our flesh and truth is our spirit. Amnon’s feelings made him forget that Tamar was his virgin sister.

Ladies call me really old fashioned but this truth--in your Bible--ought to make you never leave your children home alone together. I always told my son and daughter that I fully trusted them....never doubting them or their character. BUT I constantly told them I DID NOT TRUST SATAN!!! I Have been told account after account of incest in homes; perversion that happened because children were left home alone. I too am the product of such-- and like Amnon, my brother ended up hating me.

II Samuel 13:18-20
18.And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins appareled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.
19.And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying.
20.And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.

Tamar was told not to deal with her abuse...not to regard it...not to speak the truth of it. A part of her remained desolate because she silently stuffed her abuse deep inside of her. And the Bible tells us the outcome of her doing so: Tamar tore her robe in shame....false shame for her brother’s deed...the false shame that survivor’s of abuse tend to carry with us if not put away. "And Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house." Oh I wish I could make every hurting person realize that if they remain silent they will never heal and be free in Christ.

This phrase in this verse is what started my healing journey from abuse. I realized that an internal part of me was desolate and I realized I was wearing ashes-- and I did not want to stay that way.

Tamar’s silence chose ashes instead of the honor that comes with being a Princess in the King’s court. And while you may not have been sexually abused I am asking you to consider how you may be convinced by the enemy---Satan---that you are, for whatever reason, no longer fit to "wear" honor and dignity. Is it from abuse, divorce, rejection, death of a loved one, rape, illness, a crime? Have you suffered in silence and let bitterness damage your life?

Satan is after women--- he waged war years ago to destroy the family.

Women are the Holy Spirit of the home...we set the tone of our homes. If we are defeated---wearing sackcloth and ashes--- the atmosphere in our homes will be one of defeat. When defeat becomes our attitude our families will suffer---first our husbands and then our children. And above all, our Heavenly Father will never be able to receive the glory due Him from our lives. God will never be able to use us to, "And of some have compassion, making a difference: (Jude 22)"

Satan desires to have women in a stronghold (High fortress walls that stand around your life keeping you from abiding in Christ.) These are torn down as we realize that they are there because we have believed the lies of Satan and begin to tell ourselves the truth of Scripture. And as we yield to God and learn His Word...and believe the truths of God... and walk in them... God re-orders our thinking, actions and re-actions. This is how we grow/mature in the Lord.

What do I mean by, "yield to God?" How does this stronghold get broken down? Romans 12:1-2 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

We must realize that giving up ourselves to God is what brings "the peace of God which passeth all understanding" to our lives. When we understand that we are nothing in ourselves and EVERYTHING IN JESUS CHRIST---daughter’s of the King of Kings---Princesses in the court of our Father the King whose royal work relies on our submission to Him....we will put off the sackcloth and ashes regardless of the reason that we wear them.

Women --we need to stop long enough in the Bible to realize that If we are not royalty, He is not King!

Tamar chose not to submit her hurt to her father the King ....and she remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. She chose not toyield her life and reside in the castle of her Father. And she chose not to believe God’s truth-- that nothing, nothing, nothing could happen to her to drain the royal blood from her veins.

Romans 8:15-17---"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together."

In Romans 9:26---God tell us that we are "the children of the living God."

If Satan has convinced you (for whatever reasons) to see yourself as anything less than a chosen daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, you have something in common with Tamar.

If you think you could have your royal heritage stolen by anything that could happen to you on earth, you have something in common with Tamar.

If you think you deserve mistreatment or disrespect, you have something in common with Tamar.

Tamar rent (tore) her royal robes and put on sackcloth. But, as God did for me when He sat me free from my past, God wants to do for each of His children---regardless of the reasons that you wear sackcloth and ashes"

"...THOU HAST PUT OFF MY SACKCLOTH, AND GIRDED ME WITH GLADNESS; TO THE END THAT MY GLORY MAY SING PRAISE UNTO THEE AND NOT BE SILENT.
O LORD MY GOD, I WILL GIVE THANKS UNTO THEE FOR EVER."
(Psalm 30:11b-12)

My prayer is---as He did for me--the Holy Spirit will be free in the lives of women to mend the torn coats of the daughters of royalty. I pray God will also restore lost dignity, teach us our true identity, and liberate us to live in freedom...and in perfect peace with our God.

Ps. 45:13-- The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.

IN ourselves...we are nothing!

IN Christ...we are royalty---blood bought daughters of the King of Kings.

God promises---ALL healing for ALL of our distresses are in His name Jehovah-Rapha. That is His name, which is His character --which can never change

Tamar obviously refused God’s healing because the Bible says she remained desolate. But God...His healing from whatever is hurting our hearts, whatever is causing anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide; whatever has robbed us of our joy and stolen our HOPE---it is our choice how we answer the question that Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda---"Wilt thou be made whole?" God wants to heal us and give each of His children beauty for our ashes and a garment of praise for our sackcloth. I pray that you will accept these gifts today.

Beauty For Ashes

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."
Isaiah 61:3

When life’s pathway grows uncertain,
And the winds of doubt blow strong;
When no one seems to understand,
And the night is growing long;
God remembers that I’m human,
He knows my flesh is weak;
When I claim His Spirit’s presence,
He gives the comfort that I seek.

He’ll give you beauty for ashes,
Joy for your mourning
He will clothe your heavy spirit with His praise
He’s the healer of the broken heart,
He sets the captive free;
He plants us in His righteousness,
That, through our suffering, God might be glorified.

When your hopes have turned to ashes,
And your dreams have turned to dust,
When your life is scarred by a painful past
Your think your usefulness is lost;
Bring your ashes to the Saviour
Lay them at His nail-pierced feet,
He’ll pick up the shattered ruins,
He will make your life complete.

He’ll give you beauty for ashes,
Joy for your mourning
He will clothe your heavy spirit with His praise
He’s the healer of the broken heart,
He sets the captive free;
He plants us in His righteousness,
That, through our suffering, God might be glorified.

--Joe Merhalski

http://www.titus2menandwomen.org/Hope/SurvivorsOfAbuse/MendingRoyal...

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