If you have been around the MLT website and groups for some time, I'm sure many of you know that Torah forbids any relationships before marriage, and that includes all stages, from romancing to having sex. In other words, there is no such concept as 'boyfriend' in Torah. When it comes to the other sex, in the way of Torah, there is fiancee, husband and wife.

Believe it or not, I know how harsh this sounds. No sex out of marriage? No so much as kissing out of marriage? It might sound to you very strict and may I say, very much like living in a nunnery. When I first read about this in a series of articles on nccg.org, I was so surprised and shocked that for a moment I was thinking of giving up my faith itself for the sake of living a 'normal life'. However, after doing some thinking, it makes sense. It really is the best way to be, even if you don't care about losing your soul. There are many articles on nccg.org arguing this, but in this article I will try to show why single life is the best choice using only common sense ... another proof that Torah is there to set us free and the laws of Yahweh are not a burden.

<I will speak from the women's point-of-view, as I have but a vague idea about how men feel about this. I'm going to explore the three possible options.

1. Long-term Relationships

I have many female friends, half of them have boyfriends, and the other half are in search of them. Also, no one is multiple dating or single by conviction. Watching the way things develop in a conversation among 4-5 girls is enough to see through them all. The ones with boyfriends touch the men-subject first, usually by narrating a funny or interesting story about their relationships, very often in a way of showing off her happiness or how interesting her life is. This is usually followed by laughs (mostly fake) and another non-single will probably narrate something similar. The singles will sit there and try to laugh, feeling quite sorry for themselves for not being able to relate. You are feeling quite left out if you dont have a boyfriend in these occasions of fake friendship, and this is shown easily by the attitude single women adopt, which is either too dominating or too submitting.

Why do single people feel sorry for themselves? Because everywhere you look - TV, magazines, songs - people keep exclaiming what a great happiness there is to be with someone you are in love with. Well, if you are shallow enough, it IS the ultimate happiness. I mean, come on, there is, first of all, someone you can truly love (obviously what you feel for family members and friends doesnt count as love), there is someone there you can tell all the thoughts that pop into your mind, and who is obliged to sympathise with them, someone who holds your hand when you walk together and someone who will gladly have sex with you; also, someone to fight with and someone to use to show off to your friends. Finally, someone with whom you will probably break up with sooner or later and who will give you such a heartbreak than you can talk about what an ******* he was the rest of you single life. Lovely, isnt it?

Now here is another crucial question. Do you intend to marry your boyfriend? Most of the girls out there, especially those younger than 25, will answer 'no' to this, whether they have a boyfriend or not. Many will not even want to consider it or think about it. However, obviously, if you dont intend to marry or otherwise spend the rest of your lives together, that means that you will break up. Somehow, even now, most of you know there will be an end to your relationship. Do you ever stop and think about that? If this is the truth and you are pushing it away, you are living in a bubble of your own illusions.

They say serious (long-term) relationships are about sharing. You give, he gives and you give again - so far so good. However, what do you give exactly? For one thing, you give time, thats for sure. You spend hours either thinking about him or being with him. During that time, other than ephemeral pleasure, is there anything that stays? Is there something you learn that makes you a better person? You might, but thats very rarely the case. Certainly, from all the time you spend together, you are also left with memories and I wont even go into what happens with memories when you break up.

Some of us give their heart. They fall in love and their life revolves around another, quite imperfect, person. I once read somewhere that if your heart is made of glass, you shouldn't hand it to someone whose hands are shaking. What human heart doesnt break? I tell you, if you heart isn't made of glass, it's made of stone. Yet, these ladies give it away to someone as imperfect as themselves, and let's be honest, people are quite clumsy with hearts.

On the bright side, falling in love feels nice indeed, I've been there and I know. A few months ago I was telling my friends that the happiest time in my life was the time I spent with my ex-boyfriend. He wasn't in love with me, but he was a good person and he cared about me. However, when we broke up I wasn't hurt for his lack of contributing to the love-soup, but more for my lack of the 'relationship-stuff', I'll call it that - I mean what I said before, talking, having sex, showing off and having a higher place in the female-gang I belonged to. And the problem is that the end is inevitable. After two years of being madly in love and surrendering my very soul to this person, the waters were always stagnant. Nothing ever evolved, nothing became better about me. None of my relationships made me a better person. Relationships end and you are left with heartbreak. How many times have you heard this or something along these lines? I suppose you hear it a lot of burnt singles, but I believe they have it right. How many people come out of their long-term, yet failed, relationships, in one piece, emotionally speaking? And how many of them learn? Look at your friends: how many of them learned from their mistakes? And even if they did, the learning, the evolving part of the deal was in the break-up, not in the actual relationship, and this is learning of misery and evil, ultimately, not of love and life.

There is more to it, though, which is not common knowledge, let alone common sense. When you give yourself like this to someone, especially while having sex with this person, soul ties are created and they are demonic, invariably, in all sex out of marriage. I will not explain why and how, as there are quite a few articles covering the subject in the main website, but I will tell you this: When a relationship ends, you end up with a lot of pain and additional demons to the ones you had. On the bright side ... well, there IS no bright side when something like this ends, is there? The person your heart revolved around, the sun in your life has now packed and left. The love you two supposedly shared has vanished into thin smoke. Do you like this deal?

2. Multiple Dating, Relationships Only for the Purpose of Sex

If you choose not to obey the Torah and if you abandon the option of long-term relationships, this is the other possible option to get the relationship-package without having your heart broken. I'm sure most of us know girls who do this, after the 'Sex and the City' pattern, but none of my closer friends are like that. Instead, I have been this way myself. There is not much to say on this though. Sleeping with people one hardly knows is very much close to being raped (unless your heart is indeed made of stone). Emotionally sane women can't handle this for long. Otherwise, like the skin that is exposed to acid too often, the emotions in the heart burn up (exactly what happens to prostitutes).

What I said about soul-ties though, applies to this one too. When you have sex out of marriage, like it or not, there is an open channel to the demonic between you and the other person. Now if you consider that women who sleep around usually sleep with men who sleep around, they immediately sign up to that network of demonic, where demons can travel from any partner to any partner and that might involve demons of hundreds of people; a bit like the way sexually transmitted diseases go around. You are not only exposed to the person you sleep with but to all his previous partners and all of their previous partners and so on.

3. Getting Over your Ex's for Good - Choosing to be Single until Marriage - Conclusion

Having spoken about soul-ties, it is easy to understand now how getting over a long-term relationship is so difficult and painful. The relationship might have done us harm but we still miss it. Why? Because we are still connected to that person, we still crave to be with him and please him, and this very need is what keeps couples together. When a couple breaks up, this won't just vanish. These are strings that extend from one soul to the other and it is not in your power to cut them. This can only be done by Yah'shua if you or your father in Yahweh asks for it in prayer. You can feel it happening, and you can feel that you are free again, as you felt before you even met your first boyfriend, free as a little child.

As for remaining single until you are married, there are various advantages here. For one thing, here there are fewer demons involved, and actually none if it's done properly in Torah's way. Secondly, the fear and pain of breaking up is avoided. As I am not married I'm afraid I cannot go into this in detail. But the fact that the risk is so low and that Yahweh controls it from beginning to end makes it sound quite promising. People who are married in Yahweh (e.g. my spiritual parents) tell me it is creating a type of Heaven on earth and I know from experience that they make excellent parents. As for the disadvantages (no sex, being the odd one out, etc), I will make this plain and straightforward to you:

Here are your choices:

1. Looking for a long-term relationship to partake in what the media advertises. When you get it you might have a few months of counterfeit happiness: You will not develop as a person in this time, but you will have fun maybe for a couple of hours a day. In these months, you will experience great fear also, of losing your other half and that happy period will end with your nightmares coming to reality, causing a great deal of pain and many new demons to go with it. If you are persistent enough, you will try to find someone else to fill the gap your ex-boyfriend left.
2. Having many occasional lovers, who will not be with you for more than two weeks each; you will have a lot of sex, you will load yourself with demons and probably a variety of diseases and your emotions will be burnt up.
3. Staying away from that altogether and marry in Yahweh's way when the right time and person is picked for you.

It's your choice: your life at risk of being wasted and your heart at risk of being torn to pieces or your life and heart being made vessels of love and happiness and a joy to Yahweh's eyes.

Author: Ruth Johannesen - Copyright (c) 2006 MLT - All Rights Reserved