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Existentialism & Relationships: True Love versus False
Posted by Lev/Christopher on April 10, 2009 at 7:52am
in Marriage & Relationships
Sermons Series 3:124, 3 November 2007
PART 1
http://nccg.org/mlt/sermons/3_124.html (includes links)
One of the most pernicious lies taught in Christendom, which is one of the many platforms for lawlessness that is to be found, and which ultimately leads to the worship of and exaltation of self, is the philosophy of existentialism.
Truth and Relationships
Last Yom Rishon (Sunday), in the early hours, I had an intense dream about someone I know who is currently plunging into darkness. On a chalkboard outside their apartment they had written, in two or three lines, their new philosophy of life that had been evolved in order to justify rebellion. Paraphrasing, it went something like this: 'Truth can only be known through relationships. Commandments like obeying the Sabbath and other mitzvot are only useful as stepping stones to this greater reality and can be discarded once they have served their purpose'. In other words, Torah-obedience is the preparatory way to the 'greater truth' of lawlessness.
A little over ten years ago I had to answer a variation on this same theme which led to what historically we have come to call the 'Third Rebellion'. At the time I wrote a whole string of articles answering a heresy that led its proponents away from Yah'shua into occultism, deism and atheism, initially under the guise of Christianity until that lavel served no further use for them, and was used by them to ultimately justify adultery, fornication, smoking, alcohol abuse and the worship of self. If you go to the 'Existentialism' section on our old website, you will find all those articles there - and three January 1996 editions of our journal, The New Covenant Witness, were issued to counter it. 1
The Exaltation of Lawlessness
It all began with some subtle - and not so subtle - twists of the truth. The first part of the slippery slope began in a Christian framework but with all the hallmarks of antinomianism that were pointing towards humanism. It was claimed that no 'church' was needed, no leaders were needed, no titles of respect were needed and - the slipperiest and snakiest lie of all - the New Covenant is not built on the letter of the law but on the spirit (as if the two were somehow antagonistic). Finally, because Christians have the Holy Spirit, the prophecy of Jeremiah is, they claimed, fulfilled and nobody needs any teachers anymore. And one of the absurdest developments of this 'new teaching' was that we should never make promises to anyone - ever - a notion that would have been laughable for its idiocy if it hadn't been so tragic. This philosophy is basically just another way of saying that discipleship - that is, obedience to Yahweh's rules - is a relic of the past and that we should just 'enjoy life' (whatever that means). Or to put it another way, relationships (however you care to define them too) are more important than covenant-keeping. Needless to say these positions do violence to Scripture.
Heresy Looming Again
This heresy is about to raise its ugly head again. Yes, this time I am giving you prophetic forewarning before it breaks out into the open and is taught publicly, because Yahweh showed me what is coming - or could come - in a dream if wrong choices are not reversed. The ground was prepared, I am ashamed to say, by myself during my two month 'absence without leave' when I let elements of this heresy percolate into my own thinking under extreme duress, but which I finally expunged after a great struggle. This time, though, the old lie will be presented much more subtly and sophisticatedly because it won't be so blatant as it was eleven years ago. It will contain elements of truth mingled into it. It is being, and will be, moreover, supported by the proponents of the original less subtle, less sophisticated existentialist and neo-occultic heresy who through this latest twist will gain 'new life' through a more 'solid' intellectual grounding, as they suppose, and a system of thought to justify continued sinning. But Yahweh knows the thoughts and intentions of their hearts and so I am warning you in advance what to expect. My task is to show and expose the lies and fallacies that will be employed to justify what will be the last breath of this wicked attempt by Satan to present occultism in Christian language through former members of this work.
The lie that we are unmasking today is subtle and devious because it consists of a whole regiment of biblical truths strung out like beads on a string that give the impression of heavenly order and grand design. These truths, however, have been misappropriated - like all so-called New Age 'Christianity' - to weave a satanic philosophy which ultimately exalts man and discards the Messiah. This self-exaltation is the mystery of the apocalyptic 666 of the end-time Beast (Rev.13:18). Its words are indeed grand and wonderful in appearance but its fruit is a stench in the nostrils of Yahweh-Elohim and the ultimate blasphemy. It is the culminative refinement of a doctrine calculated to mislead the elect and catapult them into hell. And even if Satan cannot achieve that with the elect, he can waste a considerable amount of their lives and bring much misery to them and their families if they can be convinced, even if for just a while.
Your Reputation or Your Character?
All heresy starts in order to justify sinful behaviour. It may be something as obvious as justifying adultery or something less obvious and more subtle like propping up ones reputation. A true Christian is not ashamed to follow in the footsteps of his or her Master and make himself "of no reputation" (Phil.2:7). As I wrote back in February 1996:
"A Christian does not need to look after his reputation. All he has to look after is his character, and his reputation will look after itself. We must not be the kind of people about whom people won't believe slanderous things.
"Sometimes we have to answer those who have wronged us. We might owe it to them, and ourselves, to clear up things by an explanation. If that is so then the explanation must be hammered out in a spirit of prayer. We must not seek to give people a piece of our mind". 2
Persecution the Lot of True Believers
It is no accident that what is happening today is basically the same as happened eleven years ago and that the instruments of our sorrows are our own loved ones, even as Yah'shua prophesied (Lk.12:52-53). In the same article I wrote:
"Throughout our short history, members ... have grown accustomed to slander. Our reputations have been threatened and attempts have been made to destroy our livelihoods. Even today there are a group of people who have sworn not to rest until they have destroyed the Church and humiliated its leaders. 3 Our reactions have been all too human -- we have been deeply hurt and distressed, sometimes we have lashed out in defence, and at other times we have offered the other cheek to be hit again and again. Sometimes it has felt that we have not only gone the extra mile but the extra hundred miles. We have witnessed those who loved and supported us turn against us and agree with our enemies, sometimes those in our own family. We have been accused of being a 'cult', 'brainwashers', 'anti-Christ', 'psychopaths', 'child-molesters' and other shocking things we would not care to repeat. Such creates a bad taste in the mouth and the wounds linger because of the poison in them. It is all too tempting to strike out in anger. What should we do?
"Today the Church has found peace. Though we are deeply wounded, we have the joy of Christ. We have learned to live with slander as an almost daily occurrence. Though we are tired -- sometimes worn out -- yet the Lord has always strengthened us.
"What is it that has so offended our enemies? Is it our doctrines? Our practices? On the outside that is what it often seems to be but we have discovered that there is something else that angers them. And that something is called the Spirit of the Lord. We know what to do to appease our enemies -- abandon our faith, and the Spirit that the Lord has given to us. But that we will not -- cannot -- do, because it is the most precious things we have. It is what gives us our peace and joy. And it is the very thing our enemies unknowingly desire but do not have" (Ibid., pp.24-25).
Understanding Satan's Methods
This time, though, we are a lot wiser and stronger than we were then. We've been through a lot. Nevertheless, a wound is still a wound no matter how wise or strong you may be. Yes, we have learned to cope with pain better because we have learned how to release it to Yah'shua more quickly and have stopped trying to carry it in our own strength. We also have far more spiritual weapons than we ever had back then. We have more faith today. We have a deeper prayer life and we know our Scriptures even better than before. Today we are Messianic - back then we did not know our Torah so thoroughly as we do now. Today we have learned to listen to Yah'shua far more keenly than ever before so that we know in advance most of the moves the enemy makes against us - and even when Yahweh chooses to withhold that information, it is only because we are already prepared. Satan's target is always the same:
"Now a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a garland of twelve stars. Then being with child, she cried out in labour and in pain to give birth. And another sign appeared in heaven: behold, a great, fiery red dragon having seven heads and ten horns, and seven diadems on his heads. His tail drew a third of the stars of heaven (angels) and threw them to the earth. And the dragon stood before the woman who was ready to give birth, to devour her Child as soon as it was born. She bore a male Child who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron. And her Child was caught up to Elohim and His throne. Then the woman fled into the wilderness, where she has a place prepared by Elohim, that they should feed her there one thousand two hundred and sixty days" (Rev.12:1-6, NKJV).
Your Families are the Target
Who is the woman here? It is Israel. Who is the man-child? It is the Messiah. This whole prophecy - and not just the extract I have quoted - is worded in a very interesting way because it covers multiple time periods and has application in multiple situations. It is first and foremost about Yah'shua the Messiah and the community of Messianic Israel, both before and after the Child's Advent. Indeed, the prophecy jumps around chronologically simply because it is dealing with multiple time-frames - the war in the pre-existence follows, for example, this piece of text which antedates it (vv.7-9). It describes persecution and the spirit of murder - Satan's attempt to destroy Yahweh's covenant people, Israel. He is a devouring spirit, the same spirit Yah'shua showed me last week that I shared with you. And it is the same devouring spirit that has sought to destroy this work time and time again. It has, at times, seemed as though he would succeed, and I must admit that I have sometimes felt it was all over. But Yahweh has reminded me that this work will not be destroyed even if I should at some point be removed from the picture for there is not just one, but many, who will continue this work and bring it to completion after I have gone. I have been reminded of these things as I have worked on the Olive Branch to get it online again these past couple of weeks. There are so many prophecies and promises in it and so many of them have already been fulfilled. Those that fight this work are wasting their time. They're the ones who will go, not Yahweh's work.
The Woman and the Child
Brethren, Satan's target in this section of the Book of Revelation was a woman and her child. This woman is Israel, the Messianic Community, and your wives. The Child is Yah'shua, the children of promise, and your children. Satan goes for the most vulnerable - always - just like lions always attack the weakest in the flock they are stalking, just as the Amalekites did attacking stragglers in the exodus from Egypt. But so long as you remain in Yah'shua and in your headship positions and declare your coverings daily, and fight the good fight daily (1 Tim.6:12; 2 Tim.4:7), the enemy will not prevail. Do you remember the vision of the five snakes I shared with you last week? One of those 'snakes' is about to perish - to be torn apart - and it will not be at the hands of any mortal. You will see it done before your very eyes in a very short while. But please, don't hang back in the wings like a doubting Thomas waiting for signs like the Jews were wont to do anciently - look back at the evidence of what Yahweh has already done. Sign-seekers will always seek for just one more sign before making a decision, and they'll keep on doing so. Satan will dupe some of the elect for a while but they are in His hands provided they seek the truth and are honest with themselves.
Fight the Good Fight
So will you join with me and "fight the good fight"? Will you stand in the breach in prayer when we get worn out from our spiritual warfare? For we are engaged in it day and night - literally. I prepared what I am sharing with you today at 3 o'clock one the morning because the Ruach haQodesh was burning so powerfully and this message had to be given out. And I will continue to fight until I am no longer drawing breath. If you and I are going to come off victors we are going to have to do that for the rest of our lives. But take courage - every day we get stronger and stronger if we lean on Yahweh and not the arm of flesh!
Learning from the Battle of Britain
Twice these last two weeks Yahweh has taken me back to the historic Battle of Britain fought in the skies above England in 1940. It's a pity schools in my country don't teach it any more. In this mighty air battle between the RAF and Luftwaffe, the Germans nearly beat us. Their great error began as a fortuitous accident. A bomber returning to France after a raid on an English airfield got lost and found itself above London in the dark. The navigator believed they were over the countryside and released the aeroplane's bomb load harmlessly, as the crew supposed, into a field. But the bombs fell on London, the nation's capital. In retaliation, the British launched a small bombing raid on Berlin and this so infuriated Hitler that he stopped his bombing of English airfields and started his terror bombing of London and other British cities. Hitler abandoned his invasion plans, Operation Sealion. This change in strategy arguable not only cost Hitler the Battle of Britain but the entire Second World War. If he had persisted a little longer on the airfields, the Royal Air Force would have been annihilated and the country invaded and occupied, effectively keeping America out of the war and would have enabled Hitler to transfer the full might of the Wehrmacht against Russia. And though the price the British had to pay to avoid defeat - the terror bombing of the London populace for several more years - was a high one, their spirit was not broken and ultimately, along with their allies, they defeated the fascist menace. I like to think we have something of their spirit in this careless age.
A Common Blunder
Satan hates people so much that he often makes strategic blunders like this. He uses people who love lies and are cowards to initially attack ministries such as our own and when that fails, turns on their families. It's a simple (though cowardly) matter to move away from attacking principles to personalities as if finding a few character flaws, which we all have, will demolish a system of truth. It may even be accidental - Satan's minions are not 100% under his control and in their blind rage and senselessness sometimes stop following their demonic masters for a while and strike out randomly. There is nothing more calculated to arouse a mother than when her children are attacked, or a husband when his wife and children are assaulted. Such instinctive arousals have turned many battles around. The massacres of East Prussian civilians by Soviets in 1944 rightly made the Germans stubbornly and bravely resist even more in defence of their families. Attacking Londoners and their homes instead of military establishments cost Hitler dearly. It is in such situations that either the best or worst in people comes bursting to the surface. And in this end-time spiritual war, brethren and sisters, you are going to see both. You're seeing it even now.
Many Ignorant of the Spiritual Battle
The tragedy of this, however, is that most of you don't have a clue what's going on. Many of you don't even realise you're at war until it hits your family. And when it does, you'll know. When it does, your whole being will be engaged, the redeemed as well as the unredeemed parts of your soul. And in particular, when the unsaved parts are surfaced and exposed, you have to fight for your own life! Then what follows is a choice to either protect your reputation or develop your character, as I said earlier. Is good reputation desirable? Certainly (Act.6:3; 10:22), but your character is much, much more important. People of bad character can have a good reputation, and those of good character can have a bad reputation. It's the way things are in this evil world. Wasn't Yah'shua of "no reputation"? So many people miss the Messiah because they get these priorities mixed up. Isaiah prophesied of Yah'shua:
"For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, and as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, there is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him" (Isa.53:2-3, NKJV).
No Blessings Without Responsibility
People miss the truth because they're looking through the wrong lenses and choosing the wrong goals or priorities. You won't find Yah'shua today in the mega-churches but amongst the small men, like that Chinese pastor I often tell you about who carried human dung into the fields alongside his co-workers. Yahweh's ministers are not great, powerful and aloof. They are usually despised and when invited to speak to churches, assemblies and conferences, are, as Baptist evangelist Paul Washer noted, rarely asked back again.
You see, people want revival ... and yet at the same time they don't want revival, because they don't want to pay the price that it costs nor shoulder the responsibility that revival brings. So they remain detached and keep to themselves in their little niches. They want to remain undisturbed in their illusions, lies and false comfort zones. But don't think that Satan just hides among the mass movements and organisations - he also hides amongst the lone wolves, the elect who are momentarily deceived, and the unelect who are permanently deceived because they look like the genuine item. Yah'shua warned about not going into the desert to them (Mt.24:26). You can be sure that the enemy will conceal himself under every guise he can think of (and has always done so) but more so now because he knows that his time is short.
Existentialism and the Relationship Idol
But back to my main theme - existentialism, to use its sophisticated theological label, but what I am going to call the 'relationship idol'. The problem here is not in the importance of existing and experiencing life. The problem is not in developing relationships with Yahweh and with each other - the problem is fixing these in right context that does not minimise or exclude a single particle of truth as revealed in Yahweh's Word.
Part of our problem lies in the fact that Scripture does speak of temporary rules that are schoolmasters for greater things and which pass away or have already passed away. However, these temporary rules are easy to identify and, if you are completely honest, can't confuse them with that which is eternal. And when I speak of 'eternal', I am at the very least speaking of the timeframe between now and the end of the Millennium, which is a pretty long period of time and more than enough for us to concern ourselves with. These temporary rules which have passed away consist of the ceremonial Torah as pertaining to the atonement. In other words, those rules which were designed as temporary expediencies and teaching aids until the coming and atonement of the Messiah are the only ones that have been done away with at the Cross, and these precisely consist of the animal sacrificial system and the Levitical system that administered it and NO MORE. 4 Though I have preached this truth a thousand times, engraving it in your mind and fixing it in your heart now and in the days to come will be critical for your spiritual survival.
What is Biblical 'Faith'?
Today I have to engage a subject where many golden calves are to be found. Because it is a sacred cow, I will probably be misunderstood at first. So let me try to pre-empt that by stating first of all that what the world calls 'relationships' are vitally important. Our relationship with Yahweh is vital and our relationship with each other in the various forms of relationship that Torah marks out are important too. However, the way we view these things can be very unhealthy. I will now explain with an illustration from another concept - faith. The following is from a post made by one of the brethren in one of our online discussion groups:
"Behold, he whose soul is not upright in him shall fail, but the righteous shall live by his faith" (Habakkuk 2:4, ASV).
"What does it mean to have 'faith' from an Hebraic perspective? In our western minds faith is a mental exercise in knowing that someone or something exists or will act. For instance, if we say 'I have faith in God (Elohim)' we are saying 'I know that God (Elohim) exists and do what he says he will do'.
"The Hebrew word for faith is emunah (Strong's #530) and is an action-oriented word meaning 'support'. This is important because the Western concept of faith places the action on the one you have faith in, such as 'faith in God (Elohim)'. But, the Hebrew word emunah places the action on the one who 'supports God (Elohim)'. It is not knowing that God (Elohim) will act, but rather I will do what I can to support God (Elohim). This idea of support for the word emunah can be seen in Exodus 17:12:
"'But Moses' hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it, and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady (emunah) until the going down of the sun'.
"It is the support/emunah of Aaron and Hur that held of Moses' arms, not the support/emunah of Moses. When we say 'I have faith in God (Elohim)', we should be thinking 'I will do what I can to support God (Elohim)'". 5
There is a huge difference between Western-type thinking and Hebraic thinking. Ours is essentially a very self-centred, selfish way of looking at the world, and when we try to use our thinking patterns to interpret the Bible we can either get confused or hostile. To become Messianic means radically altering the way we see the world. We have to learn to see it the way Yahweh does. This requires major re-education.
No Relationships in the Bible
Did you know that the word 'relationship' doesn't appear in the Bible anywhere? It may appear two or three times in modern versions but they are not literal translations and are wrong. And where they do appear, the meaning is usually consanguinity or blood-relationships (e.g. Judg.18:7,28). It's used once in the New International Version in the sense that we use it today:
"Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to Elohim..." (Rom.2:17, NIV).
Nearly all other versions use a different wording that is more in line with either the Aramaic original the Greek translation. The concept Paul uses here is not the relationship between the Jews and Yahweh (which is a two-way concept) but on knowing Yahweh's will (which is a one-way concept). How come the concept of 'relationship' was totally unknown in biblical times but is today such a fad that people talk about almost nothing else? Worse, our consciousness of this concept has only revealed one thing: we make a mess. As I shall show you today, focussing on 'relationships' is just another way of focussing on self. When relationships become our god, we fall into the major end-time error that is taking us into the heart of the Beast system. If you are shocked by what I am saying, bear with me. There is much I need to tell you.
A Modern Concept
To begin with, what we call 'relationships' or 'interpersonal relationships' - whether with Deity or with one another - is a concept that was totally unknown until the 20th century. Consanguinity - or blood relationships - that is, our genealogy and blood ties - has, of course, been a concept mankind has had since the very beginning. But the idea of an 'interpersonal relationship' was unknown until this generation:
"The term 'relationship', as applied to personal life, came into general use only twenty or thirty years ago, as did the idea that there is a need for 'intimacy' or 'commitment' in personal life". 6
Psychologists Invented the 'Relationship'
That's right - it's not until the 1970's at the earliest that anyone started talking about the 'personal relationship' which ought to make us wonder. Moreover, it is a term invented by psychologists. Does that mean there is no such thing as an interpersonal relationship? Of course not. It's something everybody instinctively knows. A relationship is a complex cluster of "social associations, connections, or affiliationsbetween two or more people" 7 of which some (as defined biblically) may be good and some bad. Clearly, the world system in its many forms has certain ideas of what constitutes a valid relationship and Yahweh has His own ideas. When we speak of the Commonwealth of Israel, Torah, faith and related concepts, we are talking about the true relationships that ought to obtain between man and Elohim and between man and man. It is important, then, that we should be alerted to two facts about this, one of which I have already spoken to you about:
1. The concept of 'relationship' is nowhere spoken of in the Bible because it is everywhere taken for granted and is basically subconscious; and
2. The concept of 'romance' is nowhere spoken in the Bible either, except in the Song of Solomon (where it is not named as such) for reasons we shall see in just a moment.
The Limerence god
The modern word for romance is 'limerence' and judging by the literature, music and movie-making industry it is one of our world's gods. Today it is practically exalted as the highest kind of love and modern Christian writers are asking us to liken our relationship with Yahweh as a kind of 'divine romance'. Certainly believers today speak of 'being in love with God' much as two lovers are but is this a valid concept? More importantly, is it a biblical one?
To help us get a proper focus, let us let the psychologists define their own terms for us since it was they who basically invented them. Dr. Dorothy Tennov is a pretty secular good observer and this is what she notes about the different kinds of emotions that we experience:
"Love involves concern for the other person's welfare and feeling, while limerence (romance) does not require it, although it can certainly be incorporated.
"Affection and fondness exist only as a disposition towards another person, irrespective of whether those feelings are reciprocated, whereas limerence (romance) demands return.
"Sex with the object is neither essential nor sufficient to an individual experiencing limerence (romance), unlike one experiencing sexual attraction.
"New Relationship Energy (NRE) thrives on open communication and known mutuality of feelings and is mostly seen as a positive bonding experience, while limerence (romance) can dissipate once reciprocity is established, and is characterized by uncertainty and anxiety. New Relationship Energy also carries implications of active contrast with relationships in different stages, while limerence (romance) does not.
"Limerence (romance) can be longer-lived than transient forms of romantic feelings such as infatuation and puppy love, enduring for months, or even years in the absence of knowledge about reciprocity." 8
You may never have heard of 'NRE' before and frankly neither had I before I started seriously researching this subject. As is so often the case, I discovered that secular psychologists use words whose meaning we take for granted in our understanding of the Bible, and ascribe different meanings to them.
Just How Many Loves?
The Greeks, as we know, have many different words for 'love' - agapé (sacrificial, selfless love), philadelphia (brotherly love), eros (sexual love) and so on. These divisions and concepts arose, however, out of the Greek pagan experience. They categorised love just as modern psychologists like Tennov do today. And when the Greek translators were rendering the New Testament Hebrew or Aramaic into the Greek language, they faced certain problems, for in the Semitic tongue there are essentially only two words for 'love' (some would say only one). The first is ahavah, with the corresponding verb, ahev, which pretty much embraces all forms of love, through principally agapé. And then there is chesed or 'loving kindness' which is almost exclusively used of Yahweh. And even the Hebrew romantic concept of "my love" 9 or rayah is only used of males towards a female lover and not vice versa because the idea is one of possession ('my' love) which in the biblical mindset can only be of a female by a male.
Agapé Love vs. Limerence
When the New Testament Greek translators rendered the Hebrew 'love' they almost exclusively used agapé or agapéo. Just look at an analytical concordance and you will see that the love which Yahweh, Yah'shua and the apostles speak of it is 99.9% of the time talking about agapé - selfless love. This is a non-reciprocal love. It is the love which gives without expectation of return. It's the love which all believers are commanded to cleave to with their whole being and show to one another. It's the love described at length in the three New Olive Leaf revelations which are cornerstone teachings in New Covenant Christian Theology. 10 How is it, then, that we have got limerence or romantic love all jumbled up and confused with agapé? Tennov identifies eleven basic components of limerence:
1. Intrusive thinking about the limerent object;
2. Acute longing for reciprocation;
3. Some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation;
4. Fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence;
5. Intensification through adversity;
6. Acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favourably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object;
7. An aching in the chest or stomach when uncertainty is strong;
8. Buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident;
9. A general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background;
10. A remarkable ability to emphasise what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute. 11
In Love with Yah'shua?
How is it, I ask myself, that people once 'in love' with Yah'shua or with Yahweh are able to 'fall out of' it just as human beings often do? Surely if limerent love is of the eternal kind it can never die? And that's the whole point - that's the difference between the world's 'love' and true agapé love: because when you are filled with the latter it is forever. Moreover - and this is the good news - when it is applied to the marriage relationship it embraces and contains romantic and sexual love and not the other way round. When we base a relationship on romance or 'falling in love' then if it is not reciprocated it usually dies. This in itself should be a warning that limerence is inferior to ahavah- or agapé-type love.
The Reciprocity Menace
When we start focussing on 'relationships', we immediately focus on reciprocity - we're looking to have needs 'met' and are quick to fault our partners when we don't get those needs addressed. Our love then becomes conditional upon response. That is not to say we don't have needs. It is not to say that romance is unimportant. It is not to say that being 'in love' is unimportant. What it is to say is that unless these are contained and encompassed by the Higher Love of Yahweh they will perish and will consist of continual measurement of our spouse to see whether the needs, as we perceive them, are being 'addressed'. True love is free without strings attached because it is secured by COVENANT. Yahweh wants us to be true to covenants first of all and then to love as He love because He is in and supports both. We're on our own when we seek to do things by other means. Then we must lean on the flesh with all its ping-pong ups and downs.
Needless to say such the worldly notion, exalted as it is in society, is entirely foreign to Scripture both in terms of Yahweh's relationship to us, our relationship to Him, and our relationships with one another, of whatever type they may be. The test of the pudding is in endurance and constancy. People are all too willing to throw in the towel or abandon a relationship or marriage these days because of their perceived needs. When we focus on 'needs' we are focussing on 'self', and when we focus on 'self' we are storing up trouble for ourselves and are walking the lower path of love. Yah'shua's message is plain:
"But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing" (Matt.6:3, NKJV).
In other words, don't count the cost and don't expect reciprocity! The moment we start analysing relationships as the psychologists do we shift the focus away from Yahweh and others and onto self, and it is not long before we start making 'demands'.
Love Cannot Be Demanded
Well, the Good News of the Gospel is that love is free and doesn't need to be demanded, and the love that is given in response to a demand is never true love because it is mingled with other things like fear - fear to displease and disappoint. True love - Yahweh's love - does not count the cost, and keeps self's needs unconscious. When we love Yahweh's way, we are too enwrapped in Him, or our spouse, or our friend or our brother to be concerned about self. And when everybody is doing this, then all of self's needs are met without anyone being even aware of the relationship. When you dance, you flow - you don't analyse your footsteps. When you love you flow - away from self and in the direction of others - you're not measuring the amount of coming your way - you're just receiving it happily and giving all you have.
Parable of the Wages. Do You Charge for Love?
This teaching is taught throughout the New Testament. In the parable of the wages (Mt.20) two kinds of employee are described - those who negotiate fixed wages (read 'love') for their service and those who trust the employer to be fair. When the employer pays those who arrived late in the day the same wages as those who worked all day, the first are indignant. Here's what happened:
"And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, saying, 'These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.'' But he answered one of them and said, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?' So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen" (Matt.20:11-16, NKJV).
Trust or Contract?
Those who think like the contractual labourers find this very hard to understand because of the way they are used to thinking. They are not at all unlike those who want to analyse 'relationships' to make sure they get a square deal. But Yah'shua is here saying that the landowner, who is our Heavenly Father, is entitled to do with his wages or love as He sees fit. Learn to accept that and you will go far in understanding Yahweh! Why is He rewarding the later-comers the same way as those who worked all day? If you read the whole parable you'll see it was because the latecomers TRUSTED HIM to see them right. The earlier labourers did not, got what they wanted, and went their way! Well, Yah'shua saw both of them right. And guess who benefited the most? Those who trusted Him to be fair without counting or measuring. Only Yahweh has the balance book of accounts. We don't. We judge falsely because we don't see the bigger picture.
Now I am all in favour of romance but I absolutely do not agree that this is the highest love, however intense it may feel (and we've all felt it and feel it) because it demands RECIPROCITY - it demands a 'return'. That is not Christian love, brethren and sisters, however much it may make you feel like jumping over the moon when you experience it. Romantic love or limerence must be subjected to divine love so that it becomes a divine romance. If it isn't, romantic love will compete with it and destroy your relationships because one of its components is the flesh. For the flesh to be useful, it must be subjected - brought into alignment with the Ruach. It must become the slave, not the master or mistress.
Romance is Neutral
Existentialism tries to elevate romantic love into divine love and in so doing exalts the self and leads to double-mindedness at best or self-worship at worst. Your romantic inclination must be given to Yah'shua and must be hedged in by Torah or it ends up lawless and satanic however emotionally exhilarating it may feel in the moments of passion. I have known romantic love push Yahweh out altogether because those who have fallen in love have set it higher than the love of Elohim. What can, and should, be the icing on top of the cake then turns out to be Satan's instrument of destruction. Romantic 'love' is neither good nor evil - it's what you DO WITH IT that makes it one or the other. Passion is not moral - it is neither good nor evil, it's where and how you apply it.
continued....
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Reply by Lev/Christopher on April 10, 2009 at 7:53am
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This page was created on 5 May 2010
Updated on 5 May 2010
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