Christ-Esteem vs Self-Esteem - NCCG.ORG Ning Network Archive 2008-10

Finding Our Worth In His Truth

"Yahweh, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his hear" (Psalms 15:1-2)

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7)

Matthew 19:19b says, "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself". As I sat reading this, those seven words played over and over in my mind. Finally in tears, I cried out to Yahweh, Lord, I don't even like myself, how then can I truly love others in Your pure love? How can You ever use someone like me?

Self-esteem; I have always linked it to selfishness and self-centeredness. I have found even among most Christians the word has little value. So there on my knees before Yahweh, I asked Him to teach me how to be the person He has called me to be. But what defines who I am? Certainly not myself. Then who? Yahweh, and His word. Therefore the Truth defines who and what I am. Not the world or my circumstances.

Easy to say, harder to grasp and harder yet to believe. I could comprehend it, understand it and even proclaim it, but was my heart transformed ? No.

Psa 25:5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou [art] the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.

Psa 43:3 O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.

Psa 91:4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth [shall be thy] shield and buckler.

Just those scriptures brought an answer for me that Yahweh has used in so many ways in my life. I dwell on this because emotional healing from painful yesterdays, trials, and illness is linked to telling ourselves the truth. But ye have an unction from the Holy One, and ye know all things. I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth. ( 1John 2:20-21)

All my life my parents constantly assured me that I was evil, bad, ugly, stupid, worthless, inept - couldn't do a thing right. And for a long time I accepted the blame for my family's dysfunction...for their evil and their choices. And even though I did... I believed, develop a pretty good facade, it was all still there below the surface. And certainly meeting Yahweh was the most incredible and wonderful thing to happen in my entire life...it did however expose all those things that I had buried and wished to forget. Yet He knew only truth would truly set me free and bring my heart to life.

Telling ourselves the truth - I have come to understand that almost every person on earth needs to activate this process in some area of life. For those of us with much hurt it needs to penetrate and permeate so much of our lives.

I believed lies most of my life like:

Yahweh didn't love me as much as He loved other people.

Romans 8:28 was not true for me. (And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.)

Yahweh abused me.

I was evil, stupid, ugly and inept.

I was not good enough to serve Yahweh or make any real difference.

My family evil was my fault.

Yahweh made a mistake when He created me.

... and on and on I could go.

It was not self-esteem that I needed but rather Christ-Esteem. I realized that all of the negative assurances that I had been given about me, all of the negative ways I thought about myself needed to be considered both in the light of Yahweh's Words and with obvious facts and then erased by telling myself the truth.

And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32)

To be able to love myself so that I could love others I needed to see the truth...to see that Yahweh perfectly created me, to see all the positive attributes that He created in me because of all the circumstances of my life, and see all of the scriptures as true for me. And I needed to believe that all of the steps in my life were filtered through Yahweh's fingers of Love to create in me strengths, abilities, character, talents, and other positive qualities that enable me to be a vessel fit for the Master's use.

I sought answers because I wanted to be different ... I was tired of hating myself and berating myself constantly. I was tired of being afraid to trust and love and of being afraid to believe that others could actually love me. And when I went to Yahweh, ready to throw up my hands and quit, He smiled at me and said, "Finally! Now I can work in your life". He didn't condemn me for my weakness or fear, but He embraced me.

Only He, through the work of His Ruach, could change my heart and renew my mind, thus changing my responses and actions. Making Himself strong in my weakness.

Self-worth does not depend on other's opinion but upon God's declaration. Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? (I Corinthians 3:16) We are God's temples on earth ... living epistles.

A most godly thing you can do is to have respect for yourself. Many people have told me that they think having self-worth is cloaked vanity or pride and arrogance.

It is not vanity to stand before Yahweh with a humble heart knowing we are nothing in ourselves but everything IN HIM.

It is not vanity to read and believe scriptures that teach us our standing IN Yahweh as His children and heirs and joint-heirs with Christ. Yahweh also commands us to love ourselves in a proper way seeing ourselves IN the Beloved so that we can love others.

Vanity is NOT accompanied by contentment and peace. You can recognize your own godly motives by the contentment and peace that surround them. You won't be living in strife if your motives are godly. But godliness with contentment is great gain ... (1 Timothy 6:6)

Loving yourself is seen in your self-respect, your wisdom and your integrity. You see the nobleness of humility. You love and respect yourself because you belong to the Lord Yah'shua. Your life is His and the Holy Spirit lives in the temple of your being. The Lord has wonderfully created you and designed you, as He has those around you. You love yourself therefore you can love others.

I chose to put away thinking I am a mistake, or a freak of nature. I chose to put away thinking that I am unable to do anything well. I chose to put away my belief that everybody is better and smarter than me. I chose to believe that Yahweh created me perfectly and ordered my steps in life according to His perfect will.

It is with the realization that the Lord had wonderfully created me and designed me that I choose to see myself as a Princess ... a daughter of the King of King's. It is with this change in thinking, and my daily walking in the truth of that thinking, that Yahweh will be able to do re-construction work on my mind and heart.

I desire to reach out to others with true love and compassion, rather than trying to please people to be accepted ...and loved. When I am able to love myself, to see those things Yahweh created in me that were good and useable, then I will be able to truly love other people and reach out with true compassion.

If you believe something you will act as though you believe it ...

If a person believes he is dumb, he will act dumb. If a person believes they are inept they will act inept. etc. For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: ... . . (Proverbs 23:7) This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. (James 3:15)

Negative and distorted statements which a person repeats to himself come from the devil. Your flesh accepts them without question and then, like spoiled, rotting, food, these words of mental poison create painful emotional aches and pains. This diet of deadly toxins will kill you. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8:6

The biggest negative distorted statement that the devil encourages us to believe is that we, the victim, are to blame for the evil behavior of the abuser. My family used to tell me constantly If you wouldn't_____, she/he wouldn't _____.

My mother used to tell me constantly that she was the way she was because I caused her to be. She had constantly told me that I was the reason she hurt others. So with every ritual or beating or torture I saw her act out upon other children, or myself, I believed that all this pain and sometimes death, was all my fault.

And then one day Yah'shua asked me.. "What would you say to a little girl who was abused in the same manner? I want you to tell that little girl that she is to blame"...I could not. It was then that I realised my false guilt, which soon after was brought to the surface along with all the buried anger and pain.

I was on my way to healing because Yahweh had shown me the truth, and while it was only one of the many lies that I believed, it would set me on the path to freedom. Truth sets us free.

Yah'shua told me four things that He wanted me to start doing :

Locate your misbeliefs.

Realize where you are telling yourself lies.

Remove them ... argue against them.

Replace misbeliefs with truth.

It's nonsense to say that you're unloveable and useless when you are loved with an everlasting love by the Elohim of the universe. In Him you have countless talents and uses and you are infinitely valuable. Once we yank the irrationalities and lies from our thoughts and replace them with the truth we can lead satisfying, rich and fulfilling emotional lives. These irrationalities are not easy to label. Most of what we tell ourselves is not in word form. Our thoughts are often images and attitudes without words attached to them. (i.e. I may be fearful of a thing without knowing why.)

True Humility is when we have genuinely accepted ourselves and begun to properly love ourselves, we can then forget ourselves and begin pouring out our lives for others. Only a person with a proper sense of self-worth can be truly humble

But how??

By letting go, taking that leap of faith off the cliff in a freefall to Yahweh's arms.

By accepting myself with all of my faults believing Yahweh will fix them ... in His time.

As I spent the afternoon searching for scripture and topics related to self-esteem, I came across some general characteristics of what the world calls an "Adult Child" ... an adult that was raised in abuse and dysfunction.

With a lot of prayer this helped me to accept and understand myself better and to 'see' those areas that Yahweh and I needed to work on. From much reading I learned that adults raised in abusive and dysfunctional situations tend to :

constantly seek approval and affirmation

judge themselves without mercy

over-react to changes over which they have no control

have difficulty having fun

be impulsive

feel that they are different from other people

have difficulty with intimate relationships

often have difficulty in completing a project

are extremely loyal, even when that loyalty is underserved

are either super responsible or super irresponsible

With understanding of these potential problem areas I can now learn to catch myself, grab a verse and instantly ask Yahweh to order my thoughts and/or actions. If I commit sin in any of the above areas, I first ask Yahweh to forgive me. It may be a step by step process to change years of behavior, however I praise Him that it is not an impossible process--for with Him all things are possible.

My healing process started a few years ago, and I used to think it would one day be finished, but I have come to believe that "finished" will happen when I get to Heaven and have the complete mind of Christ. However, knowing the characteristics of people raised in abusive homes still helps me to keep my thoughts and my actions in check with scripture so that I don't give Satan a playground in my life.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, ... . II Corinthians 10:5-6.

If I do not love myself I am in disobedience to Yahweh and will not be able to truly love others.

A Poor sense of self-worth is generally characterized by feelings of inferiority, self-dissatisfaction and self-pity ... .

A poor self-worth often keeps a person from accepting Yahweh's forgiveness; that person is so conscious of their sins that they cannot believe Yahweh forgets what He forgives. So they end up dwelling in sins already forgotten ... .

A poor sense of self-worth hinders your spiritual maturity and will eventually result in bitterness and rebellion toward Yahweh.

I can't grow if I do not let go of anger and bitterness and letting go is made difficult when I still see myself as a wretched, worthless mistake of humanity that my family created. This undealt with anger and bitterness will eventually cause us to explode or implode ... if we do not release it to Yahweh and allow it to surface and be cleansed in His healing waters. We also need others. Yahweh created us to need people and advises us to get godly counsel.

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety Proverbs 11:14

Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established. Proverbs 15:22

Why is Self-worth important?

It is the foundation on which your life is built ... .

A proper sense of self-worth includes feelings of self-acceptance and self-respect ... .

A proper sense of self-worth: Poise and self-control. Conscious of our faults but not defeated or obsessed by them ... .

Without a proper sense of self-worth:

A person is dissatisfied and critical of himself.

He feels totally inferior to everyone and withdraws from social contacts.

He cannot look at himself objectively. All he can see are his faults.

He is the sum total of all that is ugly, useless and unwanted in life.

All is discouragement and defeat.

He will fail in the things most important to him.

He is self-centered, so wrapped up in himself that he sees nothing else. Selfishness breeds discontent, self-pity, self-hatred, and eventually thoughts of self-destruction ... .

The person with the proper sense of self-worth:

is free to respond to Yahweh with all their heart.

They feel no bitterness toward Yahweh for the way He has made them, consciously or unconsciously.

They have accepted themselves as the creation of a loving God, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and as the object of His continual making (Psalm 139; Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.) he rests assured that God has accepted him in the beloved To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. Ephesians 1:6

Yahweh loves us, He wants the best for us and He is making us on His timetable. We cannot rush the process of healing which depends on our developing a proper sense of self-worth. We can however do our part as we purpose to trust Yahweh that He will keep His promises.

Yea, I (the LORD-Yahweh) have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee. ... Again I will build thee, and thou shalt be built,Jeremiah 31:3-4

Self-Worth-- It is more than positive thinking yourself into a new personality. It is NOT a method of self-improvement.

Steps To Be Taken:

Accept the truth of what Yahweh has said about you in His Word.

Start the process of getting rid of any bitterness you feel about the way Yahweh has made you. Then start thanking Him for all He has done for you and is doing in you.

As Yahweh works in you, yield your heart to Him so that you can cooperate with Him as He changes you.

Learn the Word of Yahweh. Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. II Timothy 2:15

Meditate and muse on Yahweh's thoughts, judgements and values. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; ... Colossians 3:16

Refuse to compare yourself with others; their backgrounds, progress, success or failures in life. For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. II Corinthians 10:12

The Sword of the Ruach will cut the heart and change our thinking. -- Leroy Brownlow

Adapted from http://www.titus2menandwomen.org/Hope/SurvivorsOfAbuse/TellYourself...

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